Christmas cards for birth family

[DodoBaggins]

We've had news from letterbox that there's a Christmas card headed our way from birth family. We're happy about that, there's no issue.

But, I am wondering whether we should send one back. Does anyone do this? I'd be interested to hear what cards you send. I'm guessing a neutral to you all at Christmas would be best?

It depends on your contact agreement, I personally wouldn’t because that’s not in our agreement and I don’t want to blur boundaries from my side - birth family may really struggle to manage boundaries (hence the Christmas card) and I wouldn’t want to reinforce that. If however you have a less formal agreement, it may be different but I’d tend to use that agreement as the guide.

If you have that type of arrangement I think it would be lovely. Maybe include a family photo? And I probably buy a from us all or to all of you type card

Our birth family sent Christmas cards together with their yearly letter. So that's what we did too for a while. I also did not show my kids the card at Christmas, but together with the regular letterbox. They were pleased that their birth family did send Christmas cards. Like that you keep the boundaries, but return the favour.

We've been slightly different.
BM sends birthday & Christmas cards with relevant contact but we don't reciprocate. We keep the cards back until nearish the time.
(We do exchange photos of the DC too).

I think if doing cards it is better doing it with the contact letter as
a) less work for the SWs
b) more likely to be remembered by BF
c) easier to manage expectations of your DC if card doesn't arrive

I don’t think you should include a family photo for a multitude of reasons including how birth family may feel about this.
I think if you feel it is not setting presidency then a general Christmas card back would be okay but as PP said if it’s blurring boundaries (plus Christmas can be a very emotive time for some adopted children and families) then I wouldn’t.

I think that if you receive a straightforward Christmas card then to send one back is a good idea, keeping things very straightforward along the same lines. I would see it as a commitment for years to come, though, whether I received one or not, so would keep it just as a Christmas card, without personal things or drawings or photos in the card, as to keep that up would be much harder than just a card.