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Death of Adopted parents

6 replies

Wegobshite · 27/10/2021 23:37

I’m not sure if this is the right place and I hope I don’t offend anyone
I was adopted at 6 weeks old so a long long time ago in the mid 70s
Adopted parents were absolutely lovely would do anything for anyone and I had a very normal upbringing and generally got on very well with my mum & dad and everyone in my family
My DH got on brilliantly with them and then absolutely adored my son
However they have both passed away in the last few years and I really don’t feel anything and I’m the sort of person who cries if a animal get hurt in a film.
It’s really strange but I haven’t cried it’s like I should feel sad and I am but I’m not it’s literally like my next door neighbour or someone I know has passed away and not my parents

I’m wondering if my completely
unemotional feelings is to do with being adopted at such a young age and some lack of bonding
Both my mum & dad were ill for several
months before they passed away so it wasn’t a shock but I just thought I would feel different but I don’t

OP posts:
DulciUke · 28/10/2021 02:28

I don't know that it necessarily has anything to do with adoption. I never cried for my mother's death despite being very close to her. I have however, broken down in tears at sad videos on YouTube. I have a friend who says that I've closed myself off from dealing with her death. So it may or may not have something to do with being adopted.

PonyPals · 28/10/2021 03:36

That just made me feel so sad 😞
Surely it's not coz your adopted. Especially from such a young age. Apart from not contributing biologically, they were your mum and dad and both are now gone.

stairway · 28/10/2021 03:58

I think it might be away of emotionally protecting yourself.

Ted27 · 28/10/2021 18:40

I think there is no one way to grieve or feel loss.
I was very close to my grandmother, I spent a lot of time with her growing up. She was a very tough old boot, salt of the earth working class scouser who gave me my love of history, books and reading. I cried for her once, several months before her death, but not when she died or even at her funeral.
We all feel things differently. It doesn't sound to me that you are feeling nothing, but just not what you feel you should.
I'm not sure if that makes sense but try not to put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/10/2021 18:46

When my Dad died he had been ill for some time and, honestly, I was relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore. I think I pre-grieved somewhat. Although I did have times when things happened and my first thought was to tell Dad (eg we always had to bring a new car to show him and take him for a test drive) and that would make me sad that I missed him. Be kind to yourself, you are not obliged to feel or act in any particular way.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 28/10/2021 19:32

My adoptive father died last year only 3 weeks after being diagnosed with a brain tumour. I’ve not cried, and didn’t feel distraught then or now.

I know this is linked to how emotions were handled within my family as I grew up - any sign of tears, anger, over the top happiness and we were told to calm down or pull ourselves together. Even when we were told Dad was going to die my Mum said “Well there’s no point in getting upset”.

I wonder if you had similar experiences when you were young?

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