How to find out about birth sibling?

[WaterWaterEverywherebutmyglass]

Hi all,
I have an adopted child, aged 8. A couple of years ago BM gave birth to a sister. Social services contacted us, we said we would absolutely be interested in adopting again. Then we were told that adoption was not being looked at, that birth mum was staying in a mother and baby placement. We know the siblings name and DOB and that is it. We have no idea if she has left mother and baby or what happened.

We have since adopted a sister (not biological) and our child adores their sister. Sister is only a month younger than birth sister.

Our eldest is now asking a lot of questions about birth sibling and I can answer nothing. We do letterbox every year, and get a reply so we have a really positive relationship with BM.

Last year BM wrote and didn't mention new baby, so I felt perhaps she wasn't ready to share that. This year when I wrote, I wrote a very carefully worded letter explaining that our child had a new sibling and that we would love to know about birth sibling as our child has questions. I stressed in the letter that this was if she was comfortable and, whether she shared or not, we would still write. Letterbox accepted the letter.

Ultimately if she doesn't mention sibling when she writes back, is there any way of finding out any info for our child? I don't even know if child is still with BM. Would they tell us if sibling has been adopted?

I know we have no right to know anything but our child is very curious and I think even more so because they know their birth sibling is near enough exactly the same age as their adoptive sibling.

Normal practice should be that if the sibling had been subject to court proceedings, and that had resulted in adoption (or an SGO) you would have been contacted to explore whether you would be open to direct or letterbox contact even if they weren't considering placing baby with you - obviously some LAs do things better than others, but I'd expect from what you know then baby is still in BM's care.

Have you contacted the post-adoption team at your child's LA to see if they will provide any information with a view to your child's life story being up to date?

I haven't recently. They gave us information when we first phoned but no update since. Yes, I think sibling is probably still with BM

Honestly as a birth parent if I had another child and was in a mother and baby placement I probably wouldn’t mention child in letterbox until I knew whether the child was definitely remaining in my care.

She may also feel that mentioning another child who has been allowed to remain with her could be upsetting for your child and therefore not have mentioned it. As you now have she may respond with some information but she may also not.

If child is with BM I don’t believe social services can legally give you any information and actually they probably shouldn’t have shared the child’s name DoB and the fact they are in a mother and baby placement either unless they have consent to do so which may be the case and she’s said she’s happy for them to share that info and left it to you to either mention or not mention depending on whether you have told your child or not