Keeping my feelings quiet

[Rosebud2005]

So another birthday where 15 yr old son doesn’t want to think about it or wish me happy birthday. Husband doesn’t organise anything with him. I’ve resigned myself now to it just not happening. He’s asked for all these expensive gadgets. Can’t wish me happy birthday. Oh well.We’ve discussed it here before, it’s hard for him after his previous life and moving between fosters several times before he was 6 so that attachment has always been So hard for him. He says even though he seemed happy here he never wanted to mention not being happy. I feel it for him so much, I don’t push it with him even though right now I feel pretty deflated. Yes so hard at this stage of their life. The one person who pushes the fact is my sister. She complains I should be getting recognised on my birthday, he needs to be told etc. won’t listen to the fact that it’s so hard for him to work out how to feel or act around these things. He had a Mum, was taken from her in his eyes, anybody else including us is just a carer.

Nor do I explain for her to get it and back off from asking him what he got me as she was on the phone last night and I could tell ie em made him too awkward

This is a bit rubbish for you - I hope your husband has something nice planned for you without teenage dc??

Personally I wouldn’t entertain him asking for gadgets on your birthday - and to be honest if you haven’t snapped at him then you deserve a medal!!!

I personally think try to give yourself a break from him. Although I totally get he will have his feelings - I think I’ve read your previous posts - it’s also okay for you to have yours and to voice them to your husband.

Hope you manage to have some fun…!

Thanks, I feel like a broken down record sometimes. I get the whole thing as I’m his mother and know where he came from etc but trying explain the whole thing to family each time exhausts me.

When you have previously sat him down and talked about your birthday what does he say? Why hasn't your dh arrange something with him?
As for him asking for gadgets my response would be you can't wish me a happy birthday but you expect me to buy you gadgets?? Sorry op it sounds really tough. Wishing you a late happy birthday 🎂

He says he doesn’t do that, and he doesn’t want to. I left it a day saying oh well… then I said so you can’t wish me happy birthday but you want expensive gifts? That sounds a bit selfish doesn’t it? He’s at a point in his life he doesn’t see me as Mum and says he doesn’t want to do that wither. His counsellor is going through these things with him. I don’t know exactly how it’s going but obviously hasn’t changed his feelings yet

From an adoptee's perspective, my adoptive mum used to insist on us all making a huge thing of her birthdays. For me, birthdays were loaded, as the day I was born was fraught with pain and emotion - being removed from my BM.

So maybe it's just emotionally too much for your DS.