Adopt London North

[Nadelemis]

Hi!!! I am considering switching agencies as I am having an extremely hard time with Coram and since we've already wasted 8 months because of them, we'd like to choose carefully this time and make sure that the process will be quicker ( The delay in the process is totally on Coram's side and has nothing to do with us ). For that reason, I think going with a RAA could at least hopefully get us a match sooner even if the process takes the same time.

Before making any decision, I wanted to know if anyone here has gone through the process with Adopt London North recently and if so, if you could please let me know how long did the process take with them and how was the experience.

Thanks!!!

We were until very recently (we had to pull out), so we haven’t been through the full process with them, but all of our experience of them was very positive. A few families at our adoption support group used them, I’ll ask about timeframes etc at our next meet.

Thanks so much @Simonjt !! Can I ask you in which stage you stopped, please? I am mainly interested in knowing how long it takes to start the process with them ( approx timescale for the initial interview and then for the ROI to be accepted) and how long stage 1 takes.

I know the government has set up 6 months for the process ( 2+4 ) with an allowance for the prospective adopters to pause a max of 6 months between stages if they wish. However, it looks like agencies take advantage of that "loophole" and delay the start of stage 2 if they want ( e.g no resources, no SW, ...). Coram is doing this with me so it'd be interesting to know if Adopt London North does it as well as not to fall again in the same trap :-(

Thanks again!

We stopped during stage 2, our stage 1 was 7 weeks, we thought it might be longer due to my husband having lived in a few countries, so were were surprised it was that fast. However I have previously adopted, so all of our stages would be slightly different compared to a ‘fresh’ adopter.

I know a lot of agencies are delayed at the minute as fewer people started stage 1 during covid, so theres essentially a glut of prospective adopters but also a worse shortage of social workers.

Hey OP, Ive not experience of London North but wanted to say about that 6 month thing as being completely not my experience and it would have been much better to have known that was unrealistic rather than thinking 6 months was normal. Knowing from the start that things would be 2 years or more would have been better as our expectations were completely wrong because of that 6 month thing. I know some people get that but Im not sure its the norm. I think there just is a big shortage of social workers etc generally?

I understand your expectations around the time phrame and your frustration and disappointment, but Coram is a fantastic agency with very experienced social workers who truly look out for their adopters and adoption is a marathon not a sprint.

Coram offers in-house post-adoption support in addition to the support you are legally entitled to through your LA, so by changing to your RAA you will actually loose support. They are also extremely well connected which is very helpful further down the line. I would factor that into your decision.

I always recommend Adoption UK - if your not a member already its really worth it, and their prospective adopter meetings by zoom can be really helpful to hear how people are doing. I think it seems like its very slow going for everyone at the moment?

I would be very wary of switching agencies if it's the timings you are wanting to speed up - I've heard on the grapevine - so this may not be true - that there is a glut of prospective adopters and very few SW snd children actually available for adoption.
I'm not sure why, but I think it's because less children were identified as being abused during lockdown, the courts were backed up and therefore weren't removing children and making them available for adoption.
I'm not sure why there is a shortage of SW - but I guess there's low unemployment and it's not the easiest of jobs?

I'm not sure why there is a shortage of SW - but I guess there's low unemployment and it's not the easiest of jobs?

Social workers, like all staff, are being hit by needing to isolate, being ill themselves, looking after their own children who may be ill etc. I also know in many areas SWs are being moved to cover different areas of work, so adoption social workers being moved into children and families teams to cover child protection work for teams who are struggling through Covid. Legal processes are also taking longer for the same reason.

I know the government has set up 6 months for the process ( 2+4 ) with an allowance for the prospective adopters to pause a max of 6 months between stages if they wish.

I know very very few people who get through the process in those timescales, adoption is a slow process at the best of times with delays throughout sometimes due to resources, sometimes because the assessment is complex. Whether you change agencies or not I’d caution patience.

@Jellycatspyjamas

I'm not sure why there is a shortage of SW - but I guess there's low unemployment and it's not the easiest of jobs?

Social workers, like all staff, are being hit by needing to isolate, being ill themselves, looking after their own children who may be ill etc. I also know in many areas SWs are being moved to cover different areas of work, so adoption social workers being moved into children and families teams to cover child protection work for teams who are struggling through Covid. Legal processes are also taking longer for the same reason.

I know the government has set up 6 months for the process ( 2+4 ) with an allowance for the prospective adopters to pause a max of 6 months between stages if they wish.

I know very very few people who get through the process in those timescales, adoption is a slow process at the best of times with delays throughout sometimes due to resources, sometimes because the assessment is complex. Whether you change agencies or not I’d caution patience.

Agree with the second part of your comment. We were very fortunate to get through start to approval in 6 months (expression of interest submitted first week of Jan, approval panel mid July) but we are definitely in the minority, amongst our training group we were the only ones that quick and on the prospective adopters groups I'm on we're one of a handul

Thanks everyone!

@Yolande7 I know Coram has good reputation, hence why we went with them in the first place but, unfortunately our experience is not that good. We went with them after hearing many horror stories about LAs and we wanted to deal with professionals even though we knew that the waiting time to be matched with a VA is usually longer than with a LA but, if the professionalism is lacking then we are not getting anything out of it.

I knew we could have delays but, so far it has been 8 months since we made the first call and we are no close to progressing to stage 2. That being said, it's not even a question of time but, of clarity and honesty! I was always told that it was great that I had started volunteering with girls-guiding back in Jan 2020- albeit it would be great if we could resume face to face- we did resume face to face and now I am being told that this is not enough and that I should get experience with younger children! I did find a placement with a nursery but, again it's not enough and we are being told that they want to wait a few weeks and then take the decision on whether to progress us to stage 2. It just doesn't seem clear or honest! There is nothing stopping them for having us wait a couple of months more and then say we need to do something else or they can't progress us.

Since there are few children with adoption order right now due to covid court backlogs, we are into a long wait in family finding. If we are made to spend over a year in the assessment, then the overall thing will take years.

It's easy to say that this is not a race and to caution patience. Whilst I understand where this is coming from and I know it's mentioned to help me and with very good intentions; it does hurt. Let me explain why; unfortunately, I don't really have time due to my age. In addition, I have already been patient... I have waited years to be a mother! For a reason or another - always out of my control- I have never been able to start the process so it feels like I have been pursuing a dream for so many years now that I am losing faith that it'll ever happen. To add up to this, a few conversation with a manager at Coram and a SW led us to believe that we'd have a child placed with us in a matter of months! Now, this is on me and I shouldn't have trusted this or allowed the hope to crawl on me...but, I am human, I really started to believe that they might even have a child or children in mind already for us so now, knowing that there are fewer children in the system and people are waiting ages to get matches makes things more difficult to handle. I allowed my emotions to get the best out of me and now it's hard not to want to race to the moment where I could hold my child in my arms

@Nadelemis I am sorry this is so frustrating and painful for you. When I say it is a marathon, I speak from experience. Our process took 2.5 yrs from first contact to children placed, at a time when there was a shortage in adopters. Since then the process has been streamlined, but currently you have COVID to deal with.

Adoption is an incredibly emotional process with particularly hard bits (matching!). It is difficult to have so little control over decisions that will impact the rest of your life. However, Coram has very experienced social workers who look out for their adopters. The length of time it will take to find your child will depend very much on the age group you are looking for and what risks/ known issues you are willing to accept - plus some luck.

There seems to be lack of clarity on Coram's part, could you send an email asking about their specific expectations/rules around volunteering, so they have to respond in writing and you have somethig you can point to if needed? Agencies like their adopters to gain experience with the age group they are looking to adopt.

Wishing you luck.

Whilst I understand where this is coming from and I know it's mentioned to help me and with very good intentions; it does hurt.

Of course it hurts, but it doesn’t change the situation and while I get the wish to move forward as quickly as possible, there’s no guarantee that moving agencies will make that happen. I get the “don’t have time” thing - we were married for over 25 years before our D.C. were placed with us, and had started ttc around 5 years into marriage. I do get it, but you risk getting burnt out by the process if you aren’t able to pace yourself through it.

Whilst ALN is the agency the north London boroughs use, there are always an insane amount of delays with adoption. The delays we faced were not within their control (they work with the boroughs social worker teams) and there was nothing they could do. I can’t say I think it’s a good system, but I guess there are some positives to it.

Changing agencies will not speed the process up - sorry but it won’t. Adoption is a painfully slow process unfortunately. You will find ALN will delay you with similar issues most likely, or there will be something else.

There’s nothing as an adopter you can do really.

Also I’m sure it would be delayed further as they’d want to discuss why you want to change agencies and if it’s speed I’m not sure they’d take you on…….!!!

This really brings back how powerless it can feel during the whole process, but particularly at the start when it feels like things won’t ever get going and so much depends on every little thing. It’s very tough and emotional.
We went with Coram, and I don’t know if it helps you or not, but the relationships with our social workers there felt to me very different once we were approved. I think the assessment role social workers anywhere are in is a very particular one, and of course for us it’s very hard, but once we were all on the other side of that, they were incredibly supportive and reflective and consistent. We really needed this as lots of difficult court things happened for us after matching. I also really valued then having SW’s supporting us who weren’t part of the local authority.
You do need to go with your gut though and have trust in whichever agency you choose. I would also say to be open with them about how you are feeling. As Yolande7 advises, get clarity, and be open. You’ve nothing to lose and in my experience when things have gone wrong/frustrating the SW at Coram have understood my position (and even if theirs didn’t change it really helped to feel heard).
It’s also just not an easy thing to have a social worker. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I know it's hard and the wait came be long. Covid has thrown so much into the mix and slowed everything right down. It's honestly a waiting game. The whole process is a waiting game. Something that seems like it could take 5 mins will take 5 days.

I would stick with a private agency the post adoption support is what you may need in the future. Adopt london is a mess and the support is very poor. Sometimes you can be left for days if they do get back to you. I have known people struggle to get any support support.

I am also in London. I would advise not changing agency. Maybe consider discussing your concerns with your social workers manager instead. If you did change, you will likely have the same length of time spent in stage 1 again. In many areas of the country, including London there are more prospective adopters than can be allocated to social workers. Look at the adoptions data on Corams website if you want numbers.

It’s hard waiting, I get it. I was 45 when I started the process and we had children placed in April this year when I was 47. This was delays in the RAA side eg we had to wait 2 months for a stage 2 social worker. The assessment and matching process can often take up to 2 years and IMHO agencies need to be upfront about this. People who take quicker usually are already foster carers or in a different area of the country.

I didn’t go with Coram as they asked me to get six months child care experience before starting the process, however I gained no time in the process at all by going with a different agency, as the RAA was very slow and ineffective. I know now in retrospect that Coram asked for this so you have more practical knowledge of what being a parent involves, and are more marketable when it comes to matching.The work experience I got in a nursery was very helpful and looking back I agree with what Coram recommended. At the time I thought they were being awkward.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but you will need patience. Im afraid to say the delays during assessment are small compared to the matching process. And having Coram during matching and for post adoption support will be an advantage. The wait will be worth it, but I’m afraid it can be a hard, long wait to get there. Best of luck.

Hi OP,

It's clear how emotional you are feeling about the process so far, and PP's have offered lots of really good advice.

As others have said I would strongly caution against changing Agency.

I can hear your frustrations loud and clear but you have barely got off the starting blocks of what can be an incredibly long and challenging journey to even get Approved - especially taking Covid into consideration.

Then... being Linked with a child that you are if all goes to plan Matched with could be days, weeks or a year plus after Approval.

And your child/ren coming to live with you after what could be a few years after starting the Process is merely 'the end of the Start' of the Process.

The longggg Assessment and Matching process is a piece of cake compared to parenting an Adopted child. Many children have significant Trauma, Sensory issues, FASD etc etc. You may need to give up your job. E.g A child meeting milestones as a baby/toddler when Adopted could be an extremely challenging 5 or 6 year old.

As a PP said you need to conserve your energy and not get burnt out at such an early stage of the process.

I have ended up with an extremely extremely challenging little boy. My life and house (!) is so different to what I thought it would be, but he is my world. I would be bereft without him.

I wish you the very best and remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint.