Toddler worried by other peoples feelings

[EG88]

Our nearly three year old is extremely loving, very gentle and at times quite anxious about things such as noises, new places and new faces. Increasingly, they are very worried and at times terrified by anyone who doesn't appear obviously happy. So, for example, they will hide from any adult who doesn't immediately smile at them. In books (which they love) they cover the face of any chatacter who looks sad, worried ... even yawning. They them shield their eyes or ask us to turn the page. We talk about feelings alot and they can ask for help with big feelings when they have them but it is the experience of witnessing others feelings that they are struggling with. We play games like "happy face ... sad face" but these are light hearted and make them laugh and they can't transfer this to other contexts. Emotions books are completely out of the question as they frighten them. Any tips, board game suggestions or strategies would be really welcome. I wouldn't say I'm overly worried ... I just want to be sure I'm giving the right support. Thank you.

Hxgzjxhxkcjxkxjxlzjchzkk all

How old were they when placed with you and how much do you know of their background (not asking you to share that here of course). Many of the issues that bring children to adoption involve adults not managing emotions or acting out. For example substance misuse can mean carers don’t show obvious emotion or are quite flat in their appearance, significant mental health issues can mean carers look very down or are visibly upset. Your little one may associate sadness or not obviously happy with a lack of care or with scary adults - not as a conscious thing, more instinctively - mirroring feelings happens from a very young age.

Can she tell you why she doesn’t like the pictures in the books, for example? When you’re reading with her could you ask how she thinks the person feels (angry, sad etc) and what she thinks that angry/sad person might do or think? Or use dolls or toys in play, maybe saying “teddy’s feeling sad today, I wonder what’s made him sad, what he might do when he’s feeling sad” and see how she reacts?

One of the best things you can do is model for her how you cope when you’re not happy. I’m very honest with my kids (within reason) when I’m sad or worried about something or have had a bad day. I’ll talk about how I’m feeling and why, and tell them what I’m going to do (eg “I’m feeling disappointed I won’t see X today, but it can’t be helped, I’m going to make a cake to cheer myself up - do you want to help”). They slowly learn that my feelings don’t change how I am with them, that everyone has lots of different feelings and that we can help ourselves cope. In the context of a safe relationship, not happy feelings are ok.

I’ll have a think about other things that might help.