Adoption with a long history of severe mental illness - an automatic no?

[kitkatsondemand]

Hi all,

I'm aware similar questions have been asked but I want to know answers specific to my circumstances.

I am 30 years old. I have had anorexia and depression since I was 14. This has been quite the rollercoaster - I have been detained to eating disorder units and acute psychiatric units over a dozen times. I have not been a risk to others but clearly I have been a risk to myself and have been very vulnerable to self-neglect. Unfortunately, I am still in the throws of this. I am receiving and engaging in outpatient treatment well but I still, 16 years on, have severe mental illness.

I'm aware that if I wanted to adopt right now I would definitely not be able to, and nor would this be advisable (to say the least!) until I'm well and stable.

I have always wanted to adopt. My question is this: even if I were to put my all into recovering and I were to have a period of, say, 5 years of COMPLETE stability (being mentally and physically well), would I still be rejected for adoption in the UK? My thinking is yes. A 16+ year history of severe mental illness suggests even to me that the chances of full, sustained recovery are slim. I could recover for 5 years but still have a high chance of relapse. I don't know if I would feel ready to adopt at this point, but it would be nice to know if it would even be an option. I'm prepared to accept that it'd be off the cards but feel I need to know for my own sanity, and in considering my future life plans.

For more context, despite my mental health issues I have still managed to be very highly educated. I have a degree from Oxbridge and am part way through a doctorate - so you can say I have stumbled through and functioned well in some ways! My partner has never had any physical or mental health issues and we are financially sound.

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for your responses!

I think that as with any illness, if you were well and stable, especially with a supportive well partner, of course you could be considered as an adopter. Having lived through illness and hard times can be an asset.

However, and it's a big however- adoption is HARD. Harder than Oxford, harder than a PhD. Maybe not harder than living with severe mental illness, but HARD. Maybe you have enough on your plate?

You know YOU are enough, right? Just being you. You don't need to adopt to validate your worth in the world. You get well for YOU, and see where it takes you. I wouldn't dwell on futures that may or may not be. With a severe illness, it's often best to live in the now, and make sure you look after you.

I think gordongrumpy is right, focus on getting well for you and your partner and the people in your life now. The future has a way of taking care of itself.

Many people who have had health conditions have adopted successfully. So although I don't think its an automatic no, the honest answer is no one here can tell you whether or not you would be accepted. There are so many variable factors.
But some things you might want to think about.

Who would be the primary carer ? It might help if your partner was the primary carer
Think also about the age of the child you would look to adopt - would you find an older child easier ?
You are only 30, you have loads of time in adoption land, many adopters are well into their 40s, I was 46 when my son came home.

Good luck with your continued recovery, and your doctorate.

First of all, congratulations on all you’ve achieved while also coping with poor mental health.

I’d agree that focussing on your recovery for yourself is a good way forward for now.

In terms of adoption, people do experience significant mental illness and can go on to recover. The important thing is both having a good period of stability, and knowing your triggers so if you start to become unwell you can spot it and seek support. You’ll need to be reflective and have a good understanding of what’s causing or underlying the mental illness and be able to talk about that through the adoption process.

Adopted children often come with their own complex issues around food, so consider how that might impact you and possibly trigger your issues etc. You have time to get well and work on all of this, but more than anything you’d benefit from recovery for your own sake so value yourself enough to start there.

When you say you have always wanted to adopt, would you consider workin with looked after children instead? Or is it the desire to parent which is stronger? I can't answer your question, sorry, but it occurred to me that with your insights from your own struggles and your education you could be a really good advocate, ie be a voice for them.

OP I am sorry, I said "struggles" - I was thinking of struggles in a different context at the time (probably my own...) - I meant experiences.

and working not workin'