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Some advice needed on applying to adopt

7 replies

Mattieandmummy · 01/09/2021 21:45

I'm after a bit of advice about support networks and the relative size of these. I appreciate that it's really important to have a good network just in life generally let alone for adoption but I am concerned that our situation might go against us. In short we have just moved to an area where we know a few people and have some close family who we see very regularly but the vast majority of our friends are back near our previous home which is about an hour's drive. It's not insurmountable as a distance and our friends are still our friends and we have joined groups/activities and are trying very hard in playgrounds (we have a birth child) to meet new people. I suppose my concern is that it might be held against us that we can't show that we have lots of friends just around the corner.

Can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 01/09/2021 22:27

It’s not necessarily about having friends just found the corner, it’s about having enough practical and emotional support so friends you can pick up the phone to, or can meet for coffee when it all gets on top of you. Also having someone who can drop off a pint of milk or do a last minute school pick up if you’re unwell.

What I found is that my support system changed pre and post adoption, people I thought would be great weren’t, and support came from unexpected places. By the time you’re through the assessment you’ll be more settled in your new place anyway so I wouldn’t let it worry you.

Mattieandmummy · 03/09/2021 06:47

Thank you for the advice @Jellycatspyjamas, I guess it will come out in the wash of the application.

OP posts:
Artimis · 03/09/2021 12:05

We were in a similar situation to you. We had to give it some thought, but it wasn't a huge issue. We got to know our neighbours a bit more (past just nodding terms) so we could call on them in a dire emergency, and also connected with some other nearby adopters who we met on our training.
As Jellycatspyjamas says, you'll be more settled soon so keep up the networking in the playground

Whatthechicken · 05/09/2021 08:48

You’ll be fine as you are thinking and exploring this now. I didn’t have lots of friends where I live at the time and my family were over an hour away, I worried about isolation as I would be the SAHP. I tried to explore in what circumstances I would need support, emotional, practical, an empathetic ear etc. I got to know my neighbours a bit better (we invited them over for dinner), I thought this would be useful if I needed someone in an emergency. I got to know the nursery manager (not on a personal level, just as a point of advice/contact). I made friends with my husbands friends so I could call on them for practical reasons. I passed on some adoption books to my very supportive family - so even if they couldn’t be there quickly, they could offer support over the phone. I also really made an effort with my husbands family. I joined in with a few local adoption UK events (such as adults night out to pub) and went to a few conferences pre adoption. It all added up to quite a network of people - for very different reasons. I think exploring the ‘what ifs’ and identifying gaps is key though.

Ted27 · 05/09/2021 11:11

My family live two hours away, some of my closest friends live much further away.
Since adopting a have gained dozens of friends.

I think its also important to show that you understand the importance of support, that your support network will develop and grow when you do have a child and that you know where and how to access support.

Mattieandmummy · 05/09/2021 14:14

Thank you for the pointers, that's all really helpful and reassuring.

OP posts:
Ohdoleavemealone · 06/09/2021 21:17

i was exactly the same. Friends and family are an hour away but they really weren't that bothered.

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