Nursery transition issues

[Frustratedmamma]

Hi

I'm a lurker on the board.
My pre schooler has been at the same nursery since they were approximately 18 months old, they settled well after several months until earlier this year aged 3.5 years. It seems my child has some sensory issues including with transitions, we have had specialist input from outside with strategies suggested and I have been trying to work with the nursery and generally this has been ok although at times I was a little unhappy with some of their efforts. This week the kids have moved to a new class as the older ones left to go to school, I have done a fair bit of prep work at home to support with the transition, as well as the previous class teachers doing some prep work with all the children, no real introduction however due to Covid bubbles. First day at handover, my child has said to the teacher 'look Jo, I have a rabbit' referring to her transition toy, the response being, 'great, put it in your bag'. My child clutched their rabbit to their chest, looked at me and shook their head, I explained to Jo, they'd chosen the rabbit as their transition toy and explained to child they could keep it but must put it in their bag in a little while. As a side note my child has been using a transition toy since May, I have not been told this could not be used in the new class, we have reduced from transition toy, 2 dummies and comforter, since end of July. I'm really frustrated that after 5 months of issues with transitions in to nursery this is my childs first experience of her new class. Is it too much to expect a nursery teacher to engage with any 3 year old in a nurturing manner, let alone one who has been struggling with transitions.
I've written a letter of complaint and have asked whether pupil premium can be used for training but I am worried now that I've over reacted and I am going to be seen as 'that parent'.

Any suggestions as to how I manage? And also whether you think I've over reacted, perhaps I should have posted here first.

Thanks in advance for any feedback.

I am an adoptee not an adopter but as no one else has responded yet I thought that I would!

I would be really disappointed with this and in fact when dc 1started nursery I was really disappointed with what i perceived as a lack of care - DC was coming off strong meds at the time and vigilance was needed around breathing - yet they managed to lose his inhaler several times - we didn't stay there long.

What I would say about the complaining, though, is that how staff are is usually a reflection of management and so not much changes in a positive way as a result of a complaint, in my experience. Instead, I left a couple of settngs (being pfb and all that) and then found the perfect one with a really professional and competent teacher/manager. The only positive way of getting change i have found since then, with settings which are otherwise good, is to not complain as such as it raises hackles but to set out really clearly what you think is needed, and why it is needed, and how it could be done...

Another thing is that there have been a lot of threads on MN generally where it is pointed out that even where marketing for the nursery sounds great, forest school, timetabled activities etc, many staff are temporary/minimum wage/not motivated and so the reality does not match the hype by any means. And managers have commented that the allowance for funded places really difficult, as the payment is not sufficient. So one of those issues may be relevant here in your dc's new class.

I think writing a complaint is very OTT. It would be better to meet to discuss a plan for transition that is clear about the toy. Unless you have other concerns about the staff not being caring this little snippet of 'great let's put it in your bag is not enough to decide the staff are not nurturing.

I think many nursery staff and school staff have a poor awareness of the needs of adopted children. In your shoes I’d meet with the nursery manager and your child’s key worker explaining what you feel your child needs and whether they can accommodate that and if not, why. Then you can make a decision about whether to remove them.

I think @sassygromit is right that complaining often gets folks back up whereby they make the right noises but nothing much changes. I don’t think you’ve overreacted on not being happy but I’d take a more direct approach with the staff focussed specifically on your child’s needs.

In terms of being “that parent”, I’d just get used to that feeling. In my case I’m “that parent” or my child becomes “that child” - acting out because their needs aren’t being met. I know which I’d rather have.

You have my sympathies, and i don't think you have over reacted.

My son also struggles with transitions, and I failed him last year by not preparing him for the change in rooms/children at nursery. I just hadn’t realised the impact it was going to have on him, as he was happy and settled at nursery. The transition to a new room with new children really disrupted him, and i dont think he really felt happy again for a long time.

I’m trying harder this year!! Fingers crossed. But don’t underestimate the effect it can have on our little ones. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and if the nursery will listen just keep on asking for what you want.