Adoption Questions at Medical Appointments

[SFCA]

Our DS has complex needs and is under lots of different hospitals and departments. I would say at least 70% of professionals during medical appointments make reference to the fact DS is adopted. I have no issue with the fact our DS is adopted, it isn’t a secret but when asked by the dentist ‘so he won’t see his mum anymore?’ I can’t help but wonder what that has to do with his teeth???

I just wondered if others have found this is typical? I think it may be that because all of his care (including the dentist) is under tertiary hospitals e.g. GOSH or the Evelina so he was known to them both pre and post adoption.

I can’t really explain why this is bothering me but it is 😂

I think sometimes its relevant but even if there was a medical reason for raising it, whether or not he sees his ‘mum’ anymore is inappropriate.

Its disrespectful to you as his mum, and also to your DS.
I’d have probably said yes he will see is mum as soon as he sits up from the chair.
It would bother me too and I would tell them

I found it was flagged up a lot whenever one professioinal wrote to another. I can see why- because it's probably important they don't make assumptions about medical histories and are of the likelyhood of drugs and drink in utero, plus they want to warn them not to ask dumb questions.

I would have fucking crucified that dentist. I got used to doing the deadpan stare followed (after an uncomfortable gap) by 'he sees me every day' for comments like that, and there were more than a few.

Thank you both, glad to know I am not being really over-sensitive. The mad thing is he wasn’t new to the dental service but had never met the dentist before so it’s not like she had followed our journey to adoption or anything 🤷‍♀️

Little man has lots of complex needs but definitely knows who his mummy is ❤️

It's relevant regarding medical history but to say 'doesn't see mum any more', is quite unnecessary and extremely insensitive when you are Mum!

I'm adopted and sometimes people would say, if they knew and I mentioned my mother, "You mean your adoptive mother" - as if I knew any other. There's no need for it but I suppose we sometimes have to accept the tactlessness of others and not make a big thing out of it.

I know someone who had children and then adopted another whom she loved dearly but would refer to him as 'our adopted child'; I pulled her up on that. There's nothing wrong with an adopted child and doesn't need to be hidden but why not just say, "My son/daughter"?

@SFCA

Our DS has complex needs and is under lots of different hospitals and departments. I would say at least 70% of professionals during medical appointments make reference to the fact DS is adopted. I have no issue with the fact our DS is adopted, it isn’t a secret but when asked by the dentist ‘so he won’t see his mum anymore?’ I can’t help but wonder what that has to do with his teeth???

I just wondered if others have found this is typical? I think it may be that because all of his care (including the dentist) is under tertiary hospitals e.g. GOSH or the Evelina so he was known to them both pre and post adoption.

I can’t really explain why this is bothering me but it is 😂

Tell them he will see his mum every day as you are his mum!