Overwhelmed

[Noimaginationforaun]

Feeling so heavy with emotion today. Our little one has been home with us a few months and is just amazing. They’ve settled in so well, much better than anyone anticipated, and life is generally just great. Obviously not perfect, movie family but we are muddling along and there are fun and laughs in every day. We love them so much.

It’s just everything else. Placement order being contested. Court hearings being postponed. I cannot get a handle on my anxiety and worry. Legal letters that are hard to understand.

I don’t really know the point but today it’s just been a lot.

Am with you there, a little behind you but similar feelings. Hope things work out for you,
Have the bp contested the PO or have they applied to be able to contest? We were told they all apply to contest as it shows they tried everything to keep their child.

We're in discussions about a potential match for a sibling pair, all but perfect for us except my partner has decided that now he's not sure if the 'but' is a show stopper for him. Issue other matches will potentially have the same 'but'

When he said this this afternoon I suggested that may mean he's putting adoption off the table completely if he thinks this.

We're going to speak to our sw before speaking to the kids sw. And see if we can talk his doubts out

I feel wrung out emotionally today

They’ve applied and been granted to contest so now there’s more hearings. It’s all such a lot.

If it helps, we had a few matches that fell through for various reasons. I’m not sure what the ‘but’ is but me and my husband had a rule of ‘if it’s a no from one of us, it’s a no from both of us’. It was really hard sometimes to follow that rule but I’m now so glad we did! It can be difficult though if you’ve been going through the matching process for a few months and really fall in love with a profile. I remember our first one was a sibling group. It was a big yes from both of us, we were chosen to interview and the children’s social worker wanted to proceed. Then something medical popped up. I wanted to carry on and see what happens but my husband couldn’t. We pulled out. It was really hard at the time and we had a lot of talks about what this meant going forward with other matches but ultimately we are a team and needed to both be 100% behind the match. Now we have our little one sleeping in the next room, I can’t imagine ever having another child! I hope it all works out for you too.

It's potential.for fasd, though neither are currently showing any signs

@Noimaginationforaun I have been though this. The Adoption contested and the court granted to contest.

In the end it all works out but it can be very stressful and takes a long time. The longer this takes the better it is for you. I know this is hard but the longer the child is placed with you the more attachment you gain and this gives you a much stronger case.

Make use of your LA or adoption agency support. If possible have your own solicitors and barristers, these should be paid for by the Local Authority. This will just take the stress off a little and will feedback exactly what was said in court.

If your adoption agency can put you in touch with someone who has been through this it will help. I wish we had had that as the time just to tell you it will be ok.

In summary: It will be ok. Enjoy your little one and I wish you a happy life with your new family.

@claireb7rg it’s a good idea to chat through what his concerns about the “but” are. It may be that he’s just realising the enormity of becoming a parent (which isn’t unusual at this stage and can often appear as an uncertainty about matching), or he may have an idea of what fasd means eg folk often think of very disabled or impaired children while fasd exists on a wide spectrum much in the way that autism does. You may find he just needs space and time to think it through or that a sibling pair with potential challenges feels too much when faced with it. It’s a huge change so misgivings are natural.

The legal process can be overwhelming - we were lucky in one respect in that our legal process was very straightforward, due in no small part to having excellent lawyers with specific expertise in adoption. We were left with a legal bill to pay, but it was worth it in that they were able to side step some issues which could have been problematic otherwise.

[quote Jellycatspyjamas]@claireb7rg it’s a good idea to chat through what his concerns about the “but” are. It may be that he’s just realising the enormity of becoming a parent (which isn’t unusual at this stage and can often appear as an uncertainty about matching), or he may have an idea of what fasd means eg folk often think of very disabled or impaired children while fasd exists on a wide spectrum much in the way that autism does. You may find he just needs space and time to think it through or that a sibling pair with potential challenges feels too much when faced with it. It’s a huge change so misgivings are natural.

The legal process can be overwhelming - we were lucky in one respect in that our legal process was very straightforward, due in no small part to having excellent lawyers with specific expertise in adoption. We were left with a legal bill to pay, but it was worth it in that they were able to side step some issues which could have been problematic otherwise.[/quote]
Thank you ☺️

We've had separate long chats with sw today and he feels less wobbly and more positive. She's speaking to their sw tomorrow so we'll see how things go

Noimaginationforaun how are things going?

Oh thanks for checking in on me! I’m doing much better but still no further on with court. That’s at the end of the month. Been visited by our and LOs social worker and they are both very confident that the hearing is going to be fine. BP, although they’re saying they’ve done all the changes, evidence shows they haven’t. Just trying to keep a level head and not let the worry take over!

Goodness, I hope tings will work out. Thinking of you.