Where to start

[loosingmymarbles]

Just some background
DP and I Been together 9 years, have 3 dc, he works has a good paid job, we have a mortgage nearly paid off so we're financially comfortable and house is pretty big- 1 spare room and a spare bed in another, also newly renovated, we have a holiday home and lots to offer. Loving big family on both sides, very close to our local church and community and support in general .... i am a SAHM as my 2 oldest have extra care needs so I have time to commit to help and be their emotionally and mentally. Also I am trained in a few professional fields and do work around my time but isn't a full time job or a job that is needed, I just do it when I have free time and some more cash for the pot !
I'm personally done having children myself but I we still want more children if this makes sence
Anyway
Was up late on holiday a few weeks ago so was watching the news on children in care homes who's parents had died in ISIS and once they leave care they get sent to a prison ?! This broke my heart as the children are so innocent and it isn't fair
So here's my question. I know their are children in our country who need adopting but I think our care system is good compared to what other children have.
How would I start to adopt a child from another country who's facing no future?

There's lots of issues with international adoption - everything from the Hague convention to the question of whether or not these children actually have living relatives (many "orphans" do).

Have you considered fostering an unaccompanied asylum seeking child in this country? I understand there's a significant shortage of such foster carers (and foster carers in general) and it would mean you get support from the local authority (financial and non financial)

I think you'd start with www.icacentre.org.uk/ but its a very expensive and lengthy assessment process I think. Adoption UK have a lot of webinars on transracial adoption too which could be a good starting point.
And dont think that just because a child is from another country they are facing no future - I worked in an orphanage in South Africa which was amazing, amazing high standard of care (charity run not state) and the founder personally oversaw the elder children through their drivers tests and helped them with university application etc. Just worried about your sweeping statement there that other countries are less good than us, personally despite having over 80 children in one facility it was an incredible high standard and very personal approach that ensured all children were ok.
if you are serious I would go and spend time in the country you are going to adopt from before doing so, so that at the very least you have a good understanding of the culture, language etc that you would need to bring the child up with a good understanding of.

@scully29 I didn't mean it like that at all I really didn't I ment it more so from what I seen on the news about the orphans of isis but that is a good point about travelling to the country and things to learn more so I'd be able to help the child with their culture etc. It needs a lot of time and thought putting into as this certainly isn't a rush or quick process!

I’m very puzzled about this news item which you think stated that children leaving care get sent to prison.
was this in the UK?

There is a high population of people in the prison system in the UK that have been through the care system, but thats because they have committed an offence.
The UK care system in not really that good, for many many reasons. Many children who have been through it don’t have great futures.
International adoption will cost you a lot of money, you have to spend significant time in the home country, who would care for your existing children, two of whom you say have additional needs.
You need to think very seriously about the impact of an adopted child, whether from the UK or from overseas, on your existing children. Adopted children are most likely to have additional needs, many will be very complex. Your children may not thank you.
You do seem to be having s very emotional response to a news report, which is understandable, but you need to take several very large steps back and develop your understanding of what adoption really means.

@Ted27 if you read I said that the care system what led to prison was in another country- isis country's. It's just very sad but yes I do need to think long and hard about any of this as it's such a big thing and if will effect everyone

I'm personally done having children myself but I we still want more children if this makes sence

It makes no sense. Either you want more children or you don't. You can have all the money and holiday homes in the world to offer but any child with a traumatic background needs love and commitment. For that, you need to want to have more children and not just because you want to save them.

You sound like you want to be a saviour, not a mother. Whilst I comment you for wanting to help, I suspect adoption isn't the only way you can support these children. Have you thought about sponsoring a child?

Me saying I'm done having children myself means I don't wish to carry anymore personally as it's took it's toll on my body nothing else. I want to be a mum and to be a mum to more children and care for them. As for adoption like Iv said, I need to seek some professional advice and look into it a lot more still.

@CasseroleRecipe

I'm personally done having children myself but I we still want more children if this makes sence

It makes no sense. Either you want more children or you don't. You can have all the money and holiday homes in the world to offer but any child with a traumatic background needs love and commitment. For that, you need to want to have more children and not just because you want to save them.

You sound like you want to be a saviour, not a mother. Whilst I comment you for wanting to help, I suspect adoption isn't the only way you can support these children. Have you thought about sponsoring a child?

I took this as meaning physically done. So too presumably too old or has concerns about the safety of another pregnancy.

@Somuddled your correct and we have a faulty gene so don't want to risk that passing on either. I couldn't do it again as mentally broke us the last time waiting for results

[quote loosingmymarbles]@Ted27 if you read I said that the care system what led to prison was in another country- isis country's. It's just very sad but yes I do need to think long and hard about any of this as it's such a big thing and if will effect everyone [/quote]
Isis doesn’t have a country, do you have a link to the news article?

It is possible to fostwe chils refugees in the UK, or maybe it funds allow you could find an ethical sponsor child (some are not very ethical at all).

ooo Thinking about your interest here I thought of another orphanage school I used to be involved with that might interest you -its in Malawi and a primary school for orphans (which is indeed defined differently in Malawi they may have a parent/relation around etc - so completely not a thing for adoption but takes them in with food, pastoral care etc in addition to education). Now its a primary school that is desperate to support its children longer term, currently raising money for a secondary school but this is expensive of course and only a very small charity, so in the mean time they pay for each child to go on to secondary school (as well as other projects such as a vocational centre etc). They are always desperate for sponsors for these children so they can attend secondary school - it costs £200 per child per year I think, so if you sponser a child it is a 4 year commitment I think, £200 each year of secondary school.
Just thought of them as I read the thread today as they are always so in need of helping ensure some future for their primary school graduates. Futures are often not great there as you can imagine, a lot of girls are married & pregnant at 13 etc.
Its completely ethical and true, ive spent time there and the charity that raises money in the UK is all charity commision registered etc so you can see all their accounts online, completely transparent etc and the staff are fantastic.
Just thought you might be interested in something like that, if so see -
www.fomoe.org/category/blog/projects/

@SimonJT isis torn country's

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-middle-east-57829441

@scully29 that's such a lovely idea to support them for the future in their own country. I'm going to look into that now ! X

yes, its really good and a really supportive and lovely place. And its really nice seeing the progress of the child as you get regular school reports. A really really nice way of giving a child an education and a chance at a future in their hometown. And if you ever want to visit it you can, its just on the lake, really beautiful spot, Malawi is a wonderful place to visit, and they always want volunteers too so you can spend time getting to know everyone. Its just up the road from a very fancy hotel Club Mak on the road up to monkey bay. I defo recommend it!