Going through assessment, new situation arisen in family

[Namchange3177]

Hi,

I've name changed for this, for reasons which will become clear.

My partner and I are nearly at the end of stage 2, and the assessment has been going really well. Our SW seems very pleased with everything.

Very recently in a conversation with my parents, I was told about a case of historic sexual abuse in my family, perpetrated by my grandfather who lives with my parents. So far as we are aware this took place 50+ years ago. There have been many instances more recently where he looked after young children, including myself when I was younger, with no issues. My parents themselves only found out about this in the last couple of years.

My parents have assured me that even though they believe there to be no risk, they would never leave their grandchildren alone with my grandparents, even for half an hour. My partner and I believe the risk is negligible given how long ago this took place and how old my grandad is now, but we have also decided that we will not leave our child to stay the night there without us.

We are now unsure about what we should do with regards to the assessment. Is this something we need to discuss with our social worker? And if so is there likely to be a big investigation? My partner has suggested they might want to talk to my parents or even my grandad. But given the people affected don't want to talk to him about this, it would seem inappropriate to let him know that this has been discussed in the family. Will this stop us adopting? We have been working towards this for so long and it seemed so close. But honestly I'm terrified.

Things have changed considerably in 17 years, not least the limitations of DBS checks as a safeguarding measure in and of themselves. I wouldn’t expect extended family members now to be checked in that way and in this case any DBS check would be clear because there’s been no criminal conviction here.

They may not have to be DBS checked anymore but I'm sure that things haven't changed that much over the years that this won't still be a red flag to Social Services and that they'll want to do a thorough risk assessment focusing mainly on the fact that the Ops parents, the possible future grandparents of the child, are living with a known (even if its just known about within the family) sex abuser. Yes, the danger is that because his crimes were never reported and this has been kept within the family, he was never convicted and if he had been required to have a DBS it would have shown up as clear. I suppose this is how a lot of these abusers have got away with it, they rely on their victims being too afraid, ashamed or too young to report the abuse or it was reported but hushed up within the family, as it appears to have been the case here. I am in no way blaming Op as she, herself, has said she's only just found out.

Where has anyone suggested that sw wouldn’t want to explore it fully and ensure the OP can act to protect any child placed with her? What that looks like in practice will very much depend on the particular circumstances of the situation, which no one here can prejudge so telling to OP she may need to cut contact with her parents (for example) isn’t necessarily helpful because that assessment will be made in conjunction with sw who are best placed to do so.

Op initially asked whether or not she should even report the issue to her Social worker. Posters (myself included) telling her she may need to be prepared to limit or cut contact with her parents, who are living with a known sex abuser, are only trying to help her consider all possible options and find a way to carry on successfully with the adoption process. None of us, including you, know all the facts and of course it's ultimately up to the professionals to decide upon the next steps. If any good has come from this post then it's the fact that after reading the advice given, she has made the correct decision in reporting the matter to her Social worker.