Adopting with a disability?

[BumbleBeeBetty]

Hi,

Me and my husband are in the initial stages of adoption, we have our first meeting with a SW in the coming weeks. We we’re wondering if anyone could give us any pointers about they’ll ask/ what could cause us to be rejected? I have a few health issues, which are managed, but I also understand that social services have to prioritise the welfare of the child. Does anyone have any experience of applying with a long-standing illness?

Sorry for all the questions! I’ve scoured the internet reading news articles, but I can’t seem to find any that go into detail regarding health and adoption requirements

It will really depend what the illness or disability is. Will it limit your ability to care for a child in terms of providing physical care or is it likely to be life limiting? Is it only one of you and is the other able to make up any shortcomings?

Can you give me an idea of what the issue is? I sit on adoption panels so have a pretty good idea of what is deemed acceptable. You may be surprised by how inclusive the agency is.

Hi @ApolloandDaphne thank you so much for replying to my post!

My condition isn’t life limiting (I recognise a child may have had loss previously and therefore it would be unfair to put them in a similar situation). I have a syndrome which mainly has affected my eyes, I’ve had around 21 surgeries and because of this I have reduced vision, I have some joint problems and tachycardia which is managed through medication. I know it sounds like a lot, but generally I like to be as active as I can be (sensory loss wise I was a rehab officer for adolescents with sensory loss and complex needs, so I have the aids and skills in place to carry on as ‘normal’). My husband drives, and does the shopping etc, and I have an amazing support network.

I want to be able to provide the best home and environment possible for a child, so any advice that could aid our application would be so appreciated.

Having a good support network is fantastic. Have you any experience caring for children in any capacity? Even just babysitting etc? I think I would think about scenarios to imagine what you would do 'if'. If a child ran off, of a child had a tantrum, if a child was sad, if a child hurt themselves. How would you manage? Be as proactive as you can in imagining how a child would fit on to your home and family. How would you manage should you become unwell or hospitalised? Think about what age would suit you. Maybe an older child who is more independent would suit you better? Write things down. All your questions and thoughts. You will probably be asked to write reflective pieces anyway as part of the assessment. Good luck!

@ApolloandDaphne

Having a good support network is fantastic. Have you any experience caring for children in any capacity? Even just babysitting etc? I think I would think about scenarios to imagine what you would do 'if'. If a child ran off, of a child had a tantrum, if a child was sad, if a child hurt themselves. How would you manage? Be as proactive as you can in imagining how a child would fit on to your home and family. How would you manage should you become unwell or hospitalised? Think about what age would suit you. Maybe an older child who is more independent would suit you better? Write things down. All your questions and thoughts. You will probably be asked to write reflective pieces anyway as part of the assessment. Good luck!

Thank you so much, you have made my day!

I have previously nannied a child from 1 - 3 years and worked with children to gain daily independence in my previous job (mainly children with visual impairment, autism and cognitive delays) which I absolutely loved! Me and the husband come from massive families, so are always around children and babies too!

Thank you also for providing such clear scenarios, it's beyond helpful to us! I'll definitely start thinking about health management relating to the child's behaviour and wellbeing. Hospital wise, my husband and parents would be there in a flash! I've already got a notepad on the go after speaking with friends who have recently adopted, so that's good to hear.

Thank you again! It's so kind of you to answer these queries

I'm glad I could be of help. Obviously I don't know what your agency is looking for but it sounds like you have good experience and knowledge of children and a great attitude. I wish you all the best.

I have a disability and successfully adopted. Let me put a positive spin on things.
Going through a life challenge in a relationship and how you have adapted and work together should be seen as a big positive. The flexible thinking that you tend to pick up is also a real positive; flexible thinking, trying new ways of doing things etc. Also you will have I am sure a huge amount of empathy for a child who is struggling. 😊

I completely agree with @Niffler75.

Considering your experience would you consider adopting a child with additional needs such as a sensory impairment? You would have so much to offer them. Our son has profound bilateral hearing loss and a visual impairment (amongst lots of other things) 😊

Good luck with the process, everyone on these boards is lovely

@Niffler75

I have a disability and successfully adopted. Let me put a positive spin on things. Going through a life challenge in a relationship and how you have adapted and work together should be seen as a big positive. The flexible thinking that you tend to pick up is also a real positive; flexible thinking, trying new ways of doing things etc. Also you will have I am sure a huge amount of empathy for a child who is struggling. 😊

Ah this is wonderful to hear! Congratulations on your adoption ☺️💛

Thank you for your positivity and kindness. I totally agree, health issues do encourage you to be more flexible and adaptable (it's one of the reasons I went into rehabilitation, to help children find ways to live independent lives through personal approaches). Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to give a child a loving home!

@SFCA

I completely agree with *@Niffler75*.

Considering your experience would you consider adopting a child with additional needs such as a sensory impairment? You would have so much to offer them. Our son has profound bilateral hearing loss and a visual impairment (amongst lots of other things) 😊

Good luck with the process, everyone on these boards is lovely

Hi there ☺️ Yes, most definitely! I can read and write braille too, so it would be wonderful to be able to help to equip a child with the skills to explore the world around them.

Your son sounds like a superstar, what a trooper. Thank you for your kind words, it means the world to me!

Honestly I'm so grateful so the responses I've had - I was so nervous about posting on here!

It's a friendly community here and as due to Covid much support is online, don't forget to say you are linking up with experienced adopters virtually! 👍

Hi! I have a chronic illness, on injections/IV meds and have had 40+ surgeries plus intensive therapy. I worried so much about the medical side and my actual medical with my GP was horrific. Our child was placed with us a few months ago and life is fantastic! I would say it is all about how you talk about it. I was very open about how I knew on paper it all looked scary but, in reality, I have a great quality of life, have a successful career, loving family and friends. If you go in with a positive frame of mind I’m sure the SWs will take your lead! In the end, it ended up being such a huge positive that my husband and I had been through so much and were so strong.

I also have a chronic illness and was approved for adoption as a single adopter. It was a long time ago (DD is nearly 12 now) but showing the SW that I'd considered a range of scenarios and how I'd cope with them was very helpful.

Agree with everything others have said. My SW was very keen to understand how I'd cope physically during a flare up as there isn't really any rhyme or reason as to what triggers a flare up so I can't plan for them in advance. She also wanted to know about support networks, what I'd do and who I'd call on if I was really ill or hospitalised, what I did to try and look after myself, how well controlled my illness is, side effects of any medication etc.

It's good not to be naive about how chronic illness might impact on your parenting and from my experience that was what my SW was keen to understand, that I wasn't just blithely saying 'Oh yes I'm all fine' whilst in absolute agony, but from my experience, being honest but positive about the challenges you may face and more importantly how you'd deal with them was definitely the best policy. Good luck

I’m an adopter with a chronic illness, type 1 diabetes and it hasn’t been an issue. A parent at our support group has nystagmus and it hasn’t held her back in parenting etc.

@Wattlebird

Hi! I have a chronic illness, on injections/IV meds and have had 40+ surgeries plus intensive therapy. I worried so much about the medical side and my actual medical with my GP was horrific. Our child was placed with us a few months ago and life is fantastic! I would say it is all about how you talk about it. I was very open about how I knew on paper it all looked scary but, in reality, I have a great quality of life, have a successful career, loving family and friends. If you go in with a positive frame of mind I’m sure the SWs will take your lead! In the end, it ended up being such a huge positive that my husband and I had been through so much and were so strong.

Hi there! Oh you sound absolutely inspirational!!! Sorry to hear that your GP medical wasn't a pleasant experience (that's the part I'm worried about to be honest!).

Congratulations on your new family addition, that's such wonderful news 💛 Thank you so much for the advice, I am in total agreement with you. I'm transparent with my conditions, I think it's important to get across quality of life too (as, like you said, medical records aren't a full portrayal of our lives!). You've really given me a confidence boost, thank you for sharing your story.

@PoppyStellar

I also have a chronic illness and was approved for adoption as a single adopter. It was a long time ago (DD is nearly 12 now) but showing the SW that I'd considered a range of scenarios and how I'd cope with them was very helpful.

Agree with everything others have said. My SW was very keen to understand how I'd cope physically during a flare up as there isn't really any rhyme or reason as to what triggers a flare up so I can't plan for them in advance. She also wanted to know about support networks, what I'd do and who I'd call on if I was really ill or hospitalised, what I did to try and look after myself, how well controlled my illness is, side effects of any medication etc.

It's good not to be naive about how chronic illness might impact on your parenting and from my experience that was what my SW was keen to understand, that I wasn't just blithely saying 'Oh yes I'm all fine' whilst in absolute agony, but from my experience, being honest but positive about the challenges you may face and more importantly how you'd deal with them was definitely the best policy. Good luck

Hi! Thank you for sharing your story and giving me so much advice ☺️ I have taken on all the points, and am very much prepping my responses to scenario based questions, and how the child will be prioritised in all situations.

It's definitely better to be honest, like you said! It's easy to panic and try and act like everything is okay, but it's not good in the long run. We have a wonderful support network, and me and my husband have tried to put plans in place for any flare up/ issue that could potentially arise. Fingers crossed, taking on all this great advice will put us in a better position when we talk with the SW! It sounds like you were fantastic with self analysis and planning during the adoption process.

@SimonJT

I’m an adopter with a chronic illness, type 1 diabetes and it hasn’t been an issue. A parent at our support group has nystagmus and it hasn’t held her back in parenting etc.

Hi there! That's great news, I'm so glad you haven't experienced any issues ☺️ thank you for sharing regarding the nystagmus - that's really put my mind as ease.