Adopting a child with disabilities

[LittleMissPlant]

Hi All,

I’m really looking for other peoples experiences or adopting a child that has physical and additional learning needs.

I work within the SEN profession with families of children with severe additional needs and I am well aware of how much fighting, justifying and more fighting has to occur.

I’m currently exploring adopting a child with a clear set of additional needs and was just wanting others experiences of this. The good, the bad, the ugly and the love.

I already have a biological child with additional needs (ASD, epilepsy and a few of additional health needs).

Thanks in advance

As you already have a child with additional needs, you probably don't need us to tell you what its like.

I think the real question is can you really cope with two. You have used I and not we so I'm thinking you are a single parent ? You also work.

Thats a huge amount to deal with. Of course adopters, singles and couples, do make it work. But its tough and relentless.
Is that what you want for yourself, what about the impact on your existing child? What happens if you have to give up work?

There is no right or wrong answer, we all have different levels of resiliance and resources.

The right decision for me was one child, its not the right decision for others.

Good luck, this is the hardest decision, particularly as you have a real child in the picture.

I have 3 birth children and the eldest ( now an adult but still at home ) has Aspergers and we have an adopted 7 yr old with v complex physical medical and learning disabilities. We also have a long term foster child with complex needs. Both of them need round the clock care.
It is hard work and relentless in the demands on us but to be honest I love it and we get so much back that I feel lucky to have them.
Best advice is to secure a guaranteed adoption allowance to be paid until the child turns 18 . No means tested non sense that leaves you vulnerable to having the rug pulled out from underneath you.
And yes consider the potential impact on your birth child and how you will manage if one or other needs hospitalization ( a common scenario in our experience). What support network do you have ? Can you stay home full time if needs be? Etc.
Personally I think if you are drawn to it then you should explore it seriously because there are lots of precious children who will never find a family due to their complex needs which is so sad . Good luck . X

Our son has a physical disability, social communication disorder, PMLD, sensory impairments and high medical needs. Like Flapjackfairy we also foster children with complex needs.

We haven’t slept for 4 years, spent months of our lives in hospital, constantly fight tooth and nail to get our son what he needs and haven’t had a meal out or anything away from him. Adopting him is hands down the best decision we ever made! He makes us smile every day and is the absolute centre of our world. Our lives are very different but we are fine with this. Given your experience you have a good understanding of parenting a child with additional needs anyway.

My advice would be that given you have a birth child good matching is absolutely vital. It is really important that both your children get everything they need from you but also that they are compatible.

Would you consider being a specialist foster carer? Lots of children with additional needs (including our son) have plans for long term foster care rather than adoption due to their needs. You would receive a lot more support which would be helpful given you already have a birth child. Just something to consider 😊

We adopted a child with significant needs. We had a bc who was two when we adopted. I would be happy to talk about our decisions and our experiences if it would be helpful or relevant?

Hi another "daft" 😏 family who have adopted children with Special needs (8) 4 with Down Syndrome with
various health problems and 4 with many complex medical needs. My advice would be make sure you get a full medical history and ask many questions. With three of ours we were not given a totally honest opinion. Our youngest came to us with quite a small number of problems, easy peasy thinks cocky me. I soon saw her pooing out of her vagina and the list goes on!
Please factor in some of these children have short life expectancy as I know to my cost as 4 have died
However they have been pure joy and we love them so much
BTW we have 3 "homegrown " kids (adults) who are very supportive. Go for it girl xx