Adopted. Will anyone tell me when they die?

[JustCallMeJulia]

Hi,

Anyone know what happens if / when a birth parent dies.

Will the now adult adopted child (me) be informed at all?

I wouldn’t have thought so.

Two things really, how would social services know and if they did, how would they know how to contact you ?

Are you worried they may have died ?

They could have died, I suppose.

They must be in their 50s.

I still live within the same county council / area where I was born and went through social service, they might have record of me. Or them.

Do you want to find them?

When you are 18 you can ask SS who your birth parents were. They will tell you if you want to know.

No, you will not be told IME.

A relative was informed when her biological dad died - this was by an adoption counselling service.

Do you want to know?

I have their names, D.O.B, area they might be in.

I don't want to meet them.

It's just strange in a way that if they were to die I'd have no idea. If that's how it works.

One of them is in an institution. Possibly for life.

I think it depends in the situation. Its obviously a difficult situation and please don’t feel obliged to give information.

If you are a young adult, maybe with younger siblings still in the care system and SWs were actively involved in your parents lives, then its possible you would be informed.
If your paresnts are in prison because of a crime committed against you, you might be informed.
If you are an older adult, with no connections to SW anymore, moved addresses, maybe a name change via marriage, then I don’t think you would get to hear.

Yes, it must be a strange feeling to think they might die and you not know.
I think the question for me, is how much does it matter to you, is it a passing curiosity or something deeper, maybe unresolved issues around your adoption which some counselling might help with.

Hi OP,

From personal experience, I think it’s unlikely that you would be told. I have the reverse situation in that my elder adopted DD’s birth father died (again, in an institution, at her majesty’s pleasure). It was me (grammar?) who discovered the information and then alerted SS. Sadly, there’s no joined-up information sharing and I imagine that GDPR would make this more unlikely.

I used an intermediary service to trace my birth parents and they firstly do an NHS check which only gives the information that the person is alive, no address or details. According to the intermediary, the register of deaths that you can access online (and then purchase certificates to confirm details) is not always fully up to date but that would be another place to look to see if your parents were still living without making contact in any way

Thank you.

@vjg13 do you remember the name of the register?

I used ancestry.co.uk, there is a subscription charge but you can easily cancel when you've finished looking.

You wouldn't be told, you could find out for yourself by tracing them if you want to. Tracing doesn't mean you'd have to meet them. Once you are past eighteen you can get a copy of your original birth certificate and from that, for example, search to see if your 'mother' has married and changed her name.

I did all that and it wasn't at all difficult but I wanted to meet her if she wanted, or was prepared to, meet me. She told me my father's name and rough age, I found him on the voter's register but didn't pursue it further. The mother was somehow more important. She had married but never had any more children and when I met her, she was widowed. They are both dead now, I was told about her death and am assuming he is as he 'disappeared' from the register. You can probably tell I'm getting on a bit myself.

It depends how important it is to you to know if they are still around. It's like putting a jigsaw together.