Frustrated and anxious...vent.

[MrsMarvellous]

I don't even really know what I want to say.
I'm so frustrated by covid and by the court systems and by the tiny little errors in paperwork that can keep you apart from a match for extra months because of red tape.
I don't think we could've chosen a worse time to be going through the process and i'm utterly fed up of it all.

We theoretically have a match with a LO we're already head over heels for but it'll be months yet before we can even get to panel now due to the above and the longer it drags on the more I become convinced it is all going to fall through and I don't know if I could do it again if it did!

Everyone keeps telling us to distract ourselves and throw ourselves into other plans and things but it's really hard to do when you're waiting for a 'what if' that could be right around the corner.

All my excitement has gone now and I just feel like i'm wishing away every day and living in limbo, and my heart is aching every day for poor LO. We had our moving plan so perfectly planned with the SW's and it's all gone to pot now with the delays and I know the knock on effect on their transition if everything does go well is going to be so huge :(

I just needed to vent I guess. Blaaaah.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this experience. Unfortunately, with matching you never really know if it’s going to work out until the last minute when you actually go to panel. This happened to us - we had a perfect match and were due to go to panel and everything felt through at the end due to circumstances. It was such a big disappointment and we had become emotionally involved, but a few weeks after that we were matched once again and it all worked out. Although frustrating, try to keep a positive mind, but also be realistic and know that if it doesn’t work out this time it’s because this is not the right child/children for you. When you finally adopt you will look back and it will all make sense to you.

I do hope everything works out for you though!

Snap. I hope come back here and offer more but I’m flat and no energy due to the grind of it all. X

Update: It fell apart :( Placement Order was not granted in the end so it was all for nothing.

Back to square one. We're on link maker now but that has its own frustrations. I know it's going to sound weird, as I know there's currently more adopters than children, but i kind of assumed we'd get some interest straight away and see some movement but we've only had 4 profile views and no EOI's and we've been live on the site for nearly 7 weeks! Bit disheartening.

Somebody give me a slap and tell me i'm being ridiculous. I'd say give me chocolate but i'm trying to use this time to cut back on the bad habits!

Where in the U.K. are you? From your terminology I’m guessing Scotland but I might be wrong? In terms of Linkmaker have you seen any profiles of children you’re interested in? I tended to be very proactive in expressing interest and chasing up my SW, rather than waiting for interest in my profile.

How frustrating that the placement order wasn’t granted, do you know why it was turned down?

This is gutting - it’s all a waiting game. Nothing useful to add other than I do know your pain - and that eventually you will have your child/children.

@Jellycatspyjamas No, not Scotland. England.

We've seen a couple of profiles we're interested in and have expressed interest in 3, but no responses so far. Thank you for the tip about being more pro-active about it; we will definitely do this.

Yes we know why it was turned down in the end but I think it may be a bit outing so i'll summarise it to; a string of disasters which led to more disasters. I'd be happy to PM it all but not post it publically.

I'm just feeling so disheartened. Every step of the way we've been realistic about timescales and cautiously optimistic and have had SW's telling us we're being too pessimistic and it'll be quicker than that / match in no time / etc etc. and each and every time we've let ourselves believe them or feel positive it's all gone wrong and been worse than we even originally thought.

I knew from all my research before hand that we'd be in for a long, hard slog but researching it and living it just hit differently. And here we are, realistically now looking at another child free Christmas, unable to book any holidays or organise anything distracting as we have used a lot of our A/L for the failed matches meetings / are saving the rest for future appointments.

Blaaaah. Just needed to vent that out.

So sorry, it is so hard.

I think for me, I found that it was best to not save up holidays or do things like that and to live for the moment. I found I had to live as though I wasn’t having kids until the very last moment… but I guess we all have coping strategies and I’m not sure mine was the best!!!

I don't know if it will help, but the way I got through it was to constantly remind myself it's about finding a child their best family. I might never find out the whys of it all, but I just held onto the belief that all decisions were being made in the child's interests, so if I wasn't approached or a match fell through then it's because I wasn't the best parent for that child, and I had to want the child to find the right family even if that wasn't me. Obviously that's pretty naive thinking in some circumstances, when it's cockups rather than informed decisions, but it helped me stay comparatively sane throughout the wait & the matching process. Mine was agonisingly slow but relatively straightforward, so I don't know whether it would have held up under more duress!

Why were they telling you about a child who didn't even have a placement order?