Adoption and References

[Dan001]

Hi

I'm a single person who would love to adopt a child, but I have a problem supplying non-family references. I don't have any close friends, certainly none that I'd share my thoughts on adopting and parenting, and I'm worried that gathering the required references could be a problem. Knowing this I'm reluctant to begin the adoption process as I fear I'd just fail at the first hurdle.

I'd like to know from anyone with knowledge of the adoption process if this would result in an instant rejection?

Thanks

I'm not sure that agencies require non family referees, though they usually state at least one should be a family member.

You can check that with an agency easily though.
It may raise issues around your support network and your capacity to form and maintain relationships outside of your family though.
That doesn't mean you need dozens of friends. I'm single. I had about 4 close friends to choose from in terms of referees and maybe 6 or so more who knew about my plans.
Most people's support networks change a lot after they adopt. I have dozens more friends now. But you do need to show a capacity and willingness to form supportive relationships

Hi Ted27

Thanks for your response.

I understand what you're saying. In the past friends have started families and over time we gradually drifted apart which, in turn, made it difficult to meet new people. Don't get me wrong I've met people through work and we go for a drink, something to eat, etc, to be social, but that's about it. I wouldn't consider us close and why I think it would be difficult to get the non-family references.

Just hope this isn't seen as too much of a negative.

Hi. From a social worker perspective the question is not so much about family or not family references, but who is your support network who not only knows you well, but that can also offer different kinds of support when you adopt. I would therefore focus on providing the contacts of people who are part of your support network. It’s fine if this is mostly family.

I’m a single adopter and I provided 6 references (it was meant to be 3 but I misread the form and filled in the spots for my imaginary partner as well!). My SW followed up on all six. Only one was a family member.

One of the things my SW was looking for, and this was commented on too on the matching decision document I saw which matched me to my son, is that I have friendships of 20+ years but also relatively new friendships too. And that I’m able to make and sustain quality, confiding friendships… something I now see is important as a single parent / adopter!

I’ve given up on quite a few friendships since my son came home but equally I’ve made new ones too. I’ve always been very self sufficient and before I became a mother I could happily spend a week by myself and not socialising. Now I climb the walls if I don’t see friends (read: nice parents of children my son likes to play with) at least every other day.

I’m digressing a bit but hopefully this gives you some background noise as to what was going on with my SW / agency / matching / real life when it came to my references as a single adopter: they want to know all about you but they also want to know you’re going to be emotionally and practically supported and that you’re able to confide in people when you need to.