Previous alcohol use....

[Jess4018]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I would love to start the process of adoption and I wondered whether you would be able to offer me some advice before we get started. A few years ago I had started to use alcohol as a crutch and so decided to seek treatment and have now been sober for over 2 years and will continue to do so. My husband doesn't drink and has never really been a drinker so alcohol would definitely not be an issue for us but I'm worried that my previous issue would have a negative effect on whether or not we would be considered suitable to be adoptive parents. I understand many children needing homes may have come from homes where alcohol had been an issue and, despite the fact I think my previous history could be something that means I have a deeper understanding, I would also understand if it brought about some concerns. I have always been a caring person and have never got into any trouble or hurt anybody, I just had a bit of a bumpy ride for a while and have come out the other side stronger.
I would be really grateful if you could let me know your thoughts and whether you think adoption could still be an option for us. We both have a lot of love and patience to give and would be so grateful to have the chance but I thought it's definitely a question worth asking earlier rather than later.

Thank you so much

Jess

@Jess4018 I know a couple who have adopted, one of whom is in AA, his sponsor was one of his main references. I think you just have to be honest and see what they say. Good Luck.

I think it's exactly as you say- your experiences can be a strength. Yes, you've had a problem many BPs struggle with, but you've taken positive action.

They will press as to your resilience now- will you return to the drink? But you should be able to reassure them.

It might be an issue, 2 years isn’t that long to be sober in all honesty. They will want to see how you’ve coped with challenges and pressures since - the problem with using substances as a coping mechanism is that adoption is particularly stressful and anxiety provoking, with the time post placement being particularly so. They’d want to see evidence of more adaptive coping strategies (by which I mean examples of adversity and how you coped, not just saying you’d go down the gym), and would want to fully explore that time in your life. They may also want you to be abstinent for a longer period of time - I’ve known of areas where 5 years would be expected.

It also depends on the extent of your alcohol use, the impact it has on your relationships, employment, finances etc and the supports you used to overcome it. Absolutely nothing triggers your own stuff like parenting traumatised kids, they’ll want to know as far as possible that adoption won’t tip you back into drinking again.

Well done with your recovery, you’ve done an amazing thing, and it doesn’t necessarily exclude you from adoption - there may just be more work to do to get there.

Thank you so much for your replies. There's definitely some food for thought here. I guess all I can do is be open and honest and continue to be the best me I can be and hope that this works out for us if it's thought to be the right thing for any potential child looking for a loving home xx

It depends- abottle of gin a day is very different from 2 bottles of wine a week.

This last 15 months has been pretty stressful for everyone though, so staying sober during the pandemic is a good achievement.

@UnderTheNameOfSanders

This last 15 months has been pretty stressful for everyone though, so staying sober during the pandemic is a good achievement.

Thank you so much. I was thinking that myself! I know a lot of people started drinking more heavily during the pandemic. Luckily my coping mechanisms have changed and each stressful experience that I go through that doesn't involve drink just makes me stronger and more resilient I think. 😊

No advice but well done and good luck.