Could a past relationship effect chances of adoption.

[Jess2marth]

A bit of background, I have 2 children from a previous long term relationship, we split when the children were very young. Following this I got into another relationship for 18 months, I ended up being a victim of domestic abuse. Social services did get involved after one particular incident but after this they took no further action because I ended the relationship.
I have now re built my life, I have a good career and I own my own home, which is only a 3 bed so I know I need to either move or extend my house before applying for adoption.
Me and my now partner have been together now for a few years, we want a child together, he doesn't have any children of own. I am unable to carry anymore children due to cervical cancer 3 years ago, I am in the all clear now heath wise.
Our only option is to adopt, I would love to be able to give another child a chance at a better life and my partner is in agreement but my only concern is, will my past social service involvement be an issue? There is no ties or contact with my ex now.

Thank you in advance for any responses.

Seeing as you cut ties years ago this goes in your favour for been strong headed and knowing what's right and wrong and doing best by your children to keep them safe. This was never any wrong doing on your behalf

You've over come so much so well done you!!! Get that extension built or maybe jiggle some walls around (cheaper?))) and get the application started. You sound as though you'd be brilliant and be able to give a lot of life lessons not just a home ! ❤️❤️

A friend wanted to become a foster carer (I'm aware the fostering and adoption process have a number of similarities). She'd been subject to some horrendous domestic violence at the hands of her former partner. The social worker said they'd need to contact him for a reference. My friend was concerned as she knew he'd give her a bad one and didn't want him to know her business. The social worker said that if all other references came back as good and his was the only negative one, then that wouldn't be an issue. She gave them the last phone number she had for him but they couldn't get hold of him anyway. She's now been fostering for quite some time!

It really depends on the social work involvement to be honest. If they had a referral, can out and you had already ended the relationship and were able to safeguard yourself and you child (which is incredibly difficult in domestic abuse), I’d think it was ok but would want to very fully explore the abusive relationship, the impact it had on you and your children, and the kind of support you and they had to process what happened there.

If the involvement was longer, or you stayed in the relationship and it continued to be abusive, it might be more tricky, but not necessarily insurmountable. I’d hope sw came from a trauma informed background and understood domestic abuse through this lens but some take a very punitive, inappropriate view of domestic abuse and can be blaming of the non-abusing parent. It’s very wrong, outdated thinking but still very prevalent societally and some areas of sw have some catching up to do.

I’d give yourself the best chance by being scrupulously honest with yourself about what happened and how it has impacted your family. Seek counselling or therapy to help you process the trauma involved and think about how it might impact your parenting if an adopted child - eg would you be able to care for a child who had witnessed domestic abuse, might you be triggered by violence or aggression in an adopted child. It’s not so much about the fact of sw involvement, it’s about the circumstances giving rise to their involvement and how you make sense of that now.