Being rejected by Adopt South London without even reaching Stage 1

[NV42]

Dear all

I submitted the "Potential Adopter Form" to Adopt South London last week and this week I got an email saying that they will not take my case and I am not approved to proceed to Stage 1.

To say that I am in shock is an understatement. I am 44 years old, female, living in Barnes, single but with a loving partner of 3 years who lives in Portsmouth as his job and his young children from another relationship are there. I have a 100K job, my own property and lots of love to give as I dont have parents and the child will be my only real relative.

1. I applied as a single adopter as the Adopt South London made it quite clear to us a couple of years back that we both need to live under the same roof only to be questioned this time round why my partner is not coming forward as adopter? Why these mixed messages from Adopt South London?

1. Also in the form they asked me what is my preference and I stated a white girl baby but I am open as I appreciate that it is more challenging getting a white child and a girl.

1. What is worse, is that when I spoke to them back in December 2020, they told me that I need to do volunteering as I need to prove recent child experience although I have experience with my partner's children and my friends's ones. So I signed up to GirlGuiding and Scouts, risking my job who were not happy that I would need to leave the office on a regular basis at 16:30 twice per week to attend the sessions.

Having shown my commitment to this by signing up to volunteering and being open to what kind of child I would like to adopt, what I got at the end was a cold email saying that they will not progress with my application as they put the interest of the child first. All these was communicated to me via email (they didnt even pick up the phone to discuss).

How can they claim that they put the child's interest first, when they reject me? I can give everything to a child, a home, love, financial safety, education, holidays, emotional support.. They will be my world. Why do they prefer to leave them at foster homes than let me adopt?

Also if you know any journalists or groups that are trying to tackle and expose the english system and how difficult they make it for kids to get adopted, please do forward them to me as I am still in shock and I owe it to those children to expose the system and the people working in it.

While I will see how I can escalate this, I thought of also investigating the international path. I am Greek so maybe Greece but I am really open. So any pointers for international adoption would be grately appreciated. I have heard that most countries would expect of you, to go and live in the country during the process?

Any help would be so much appreciated as I am really heartbroken and angry at the same time as to how these people behave so recklessly with human lives.

Micheal Gove is head of the department of levelling up with manage part of the budgets.

My information is correct. It's freely available on this he government website, as is the information regarding the inter agency fee, it's purposes and how it is claimed and paid to the LA.

Please do not attempt to dismiss my understanding of both historical and contemporary policies and practices, Ted.

Go and check the facts before you start making accusations.

With regard to payments, the interagency is a strange amount, and does not correlate to the national minimum fostering allowance or anything in the model means test. But that's just how it is.

The interagency fee is just that, an fee paid between agencies.
I can assure you that I did not receive any part of fee paid for me.
Adoption allowances and fostering payments are entirely separate
Would you care to provide a link to the gov.uk page you are relying on, including the part which state you are required to take two years off work

Hi @hope358, please can you post the links to the gov website on your 2 points below? I am an adopter and didn't get a lump sum payment or 2 years off work but would like to see where you got this from.

It is only at that point of placement order that they will look to match and train potential adopters, because it is only at that point the agency can gain government funding. (£32k for a child in London this year, 2/3rds of which is supposed to be given to the adoptive family. )

With regard to the question about full time working parents. There will be an expectation that you give up work for at least two years on placement. It's irrelevant what ' normal' parents would do, or even how long the legal day care limit is.

@Hope358 I am an Adopter who has talked to probably hundreds of other Adopters now. None of us have had the experiences you say occur. I was absolutely flabbergasted at the wild inaccuraies of your post.

It's not helpful for inaccurate things to be posted here especially when Adoption is such a sensitive and difficult thing to do.

Your point about there not being a national register of children waiting for adoption is also incorrect. The national register is now sited on Linkmaker which operates across the four nations of the U.K. Local authorities are required to register children after a period of time - I can’t remember how long, I think it’s changed during the pandemic - and potential adopters should be registered on Linkmaker if children haven’t been placed with them. When I was awaiting matching it was 3 months but again I think the timescale has changed over the pandemic.

(£32k for a child in London this year, 2/3rds of which is supposed to be given to the adoptive family. )

Yeah, just another person pointing out that no money is paid to adopters unless (for example) they qualify for adoption allowance or the ASF. Maybe you've seen a stat about how the costs paid by the agency fee are assigned?

The regional agencies are only placing within their own regions, as the national registered was closed a few years ago. I'm not aware of any inter agency shared registered.

This bit confuses me. Many voluntary agencies are national charities and certainly do match long distances in some situations. Which national register are you saying is closed?

There will be an expectation that you give up work for at least two years on placement.

As others: I've loads of contacts in adoption and have never heard of this being asked. Certainly one full year maternity is preferred but many adopters don't manage that when adopting school age children.

So the assessment will take up to 12'weeks for approval, children placed

It can often take much longer than 3 months for approval. Once approval is finished there can be a long delay to be matched with a child. 4 -12 months is a more realistic timescale from ROI to placement depending on circumstances. Some areas of the UK are much worse than others.

It is very rare that a court would give a LA authority to place a baby for adoption prior to it being six months old.

That's certainly not the case. Lots of babies are placed with adopters from near birth under Foster to Adopt arrangements.

Micheal Gove is head of the department of levelling up with manage part of the budgets.

Which budget? I thought it all came from the DfE? I can't find anything from Gove about adoption timescales or policies since he left there and I can see nothing on adoption from the DLU apart from their maternity policy.

With regard to the question about full time working parents. There will be an expectation that you give up work for at least two years on placement. It's irrelevant what ' normal' parents would do, or even how long the legal day care limit is.

That’s utter nonsense, the expectation is that you can flex your working arrangements to meet the needs of any child placed with you eg reducing hours, flexible work arrangements etc and be able to finance your lifestyle as a family. There is also the expectation you can take time out of work broadly in line with maternity provision with statutory adoption pay matching statutory adoption pay. I’ve never heard of a standard requirement to take two years out of work in all my time as a social worker.

I don’t know where your information has come from but it’s factually incorrect.

Hi, I saw your post and I so resonate with it.

Mysituation is similar to yours as I have a partner with daughters from his previous marriage. We are both in london but don’t live together and are very independent. I have a desire to have my own child, while he has less so obviously and I decided adoption would be the best route as I was also motivated to give a chance to a child. I am financially very stable, own my own flat, a great stable job and lot to give. I have been discouraged by a few agencies initially, as the situation with my partner was not acceptable for an adoption. I made it very clear the child would be my priority and I would be totally dedicated to them and stop my relationship surely initially and for as long as necessary for the benefit of dedicating my full attention to the child. I finally spoke to an agency that seems to be more open minded and accepted my application and moved me through stage 1,. I did all the training, involved all my friends and family with references and my application…4 months of preparation + 2 months waiting for an answer on my application. Finally yesterday I got a reported from my sw that the agency won’t bring me to S2. The reason is my partner not being an applicant and they would not be able to do a full DBS check and assessment. I am devastated. They suggested I’d sort that out and resubmit my application in a year time…well, easy. I am now considering I should break up, although is though and heartbreaking, for me is too important. Would be good to know from you, what have you decided to do in the end? Did you go any further with adoption?

To Nv42
Any success after you wrote this post?
I am interested as my agency might help you.

Hi, no success really, I am thinking to breaak with my relationship and re-apply a bit later on... adoption has always been more important.
In what way you could help me? Thank you.

Hi. I think the key points are:

Commitment level
&
Support level

These levels will increase by:

-Having a partner/spouse, but in your case SW might not see the partner's commitment so you might have to decide if you want to include him in this process or not include him in the process(it doesn't mean you have to break up!)

Having family or friends. Friends who have some experience in rising child/ working with special needs children/ have adopted children before. It can be someone's friend and you can have a chat on the phone etc. So that SW will know you are building support network. Talking neighbours about it and see how helpful they can be.

Have some volunteer work (reading to children/scout leaders/local fams etc) you can find these online(type volunteer work with children for adoption)

First it is important to find agencies who are willing to have you on board. Our agency(PACT) is very helpful. I know two dads and single parent in the preparation group so I am sure they will not just shut you down. I think how you approach is also important. Show how committed you are. I am sure you will find ways. Good luck.