Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Adoption

17 replies

AngGb · 08/04/2021 09:27

Hi All, I am very new to this forum stuff, so please keep me right.

We are going through the adoption process at the moment and at the stage of family finding. We have a visit from a potential little ones social worker soon and I am just keen to get peoples thoughts on if this is a positive thing. We have no idea if there are other families involved or if we are the only family they are considering until they meet us. This has been such an emotional roller-coaster as we lost my dad and sister in law suddenly last year and it's taken so much to get to this point. Thank you :)

OP posts:
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 08/04/2021 12:12

How exciting for you.

I recognise the worry of 'are they seeing others'. We had 2 visits where we were the 'other couple' and they went with their preferred choice. After that our SW wouldn't let us be visited unless we were the only ones being seen as it was too much for us.

Could you not ask your SW?

Think about what you need to know in order to decide whether to proceed. Now is not the time to ask about washing powder, but more to understand medical issues, development, background etc. But you also need to sound enthusiastic and to some extent to 'sell' yourselves.

Best wishes Flowers

(Adopted siblings 14 years ago)

Original poster
AngGb · 08/04/2021 12:30

Hey,

Thank you for your response. Our SW did ask and they said they were considering seeing another couple but it was not confirmed.
We are have had access to the full report so we have a good understanding of background etc I think the visit from the littles ones SW is to meet us see what they think and ask questions. We of course will have lots of questions. I think I'm scared of being up against (so to speak) another family. Its such an emotional roller-coster.

OP posts:
Mynamenotaccepted · 08/04/2021 14:12

We have been told on 2 occasions that they were seeing another couple, I am afraid I was a bit naughty and said ok but as we were older parents we couldn't afford to wait too long and if a suitable child became available and another SW was interested we would go ahead. Guess what on both occasions we had a phone call at 09.00 the next day they were putting us forward to the matching panel. All the best and good luck!

Original poster
AngGb · 08/04/2021 14:31

That's amazing! We have just been through so much in last year losing family members, we are hoping that our luck will change.

OP posts:
Adoptodad · 09/04/2021 13:07

It depends on the Local Authority. We were told it was policy to interview two set of potential adopts by the LA. We were told this is unusual by our own Social Workers.

We did worry about it being a competition and so we really set out to show how we matched the Child's needs.

After they came to see us they called the other set of adopters to ask how serious they were as they felt we were the perfect match. The other adopters were also matched with another child they dropped out.

Top tip: It may sound silly but as our SS came quite a way to see us we did a Buffet lunch for them. Nothing grand, sandwiches etc but it was appreciated.

Original poster
AngGb · 09/04/2021 13:33

Thank you! I am hoping it’s a good sign as they want to meet us in person and with the restrictions in Scotland about staying local, I am hoping it’s a good sign.
Thank you for you the tip, I was planing on doing a we buffet for them.
Thank you for you advice, we just need to keep things crossed it’s all goes our way.

OP posts:
HaroonIqbal · 09/04/2021 18:06

How adopted children life may normal like other children

Thepinklady77 · 09/04/2021 21:21

@AngGb

Thank you! I am hoping it’s a good sign as they want to meet us in person and with the restrictions in Scotland about staying local, I am hoping it’s a good sign. Thank you for you the tip, I was planing on doing a we buffet for them. Thank you for you advice, we just need to keep things crossed it’s all goes our way.
Re the buffet - before you go to too much effort do check that they will want food. At the moment with restrictions in our LA social workers are advised not to accept anything to eat or drink while on visits. You don’t want to go to a lot of hassle for them not to eat anything or to put them under pressure to eat something as you have gone to so much effort. I would just ask ahead if they are coming a distance would they like to join you in a few sandwiches.
Original poster
AngGb · 10/04/2021 07:00

Very true, what I’ll do is biscuit tray, tea coffee and bottled water. Thank you!

OP posts:
HaroonIqbal · 10/04/2021 16:36

How these children may play meaningful role in others life?

TeenMinusTests · 10/04/2021 16:44

@HaroonIqbal
If you have your own question you need to start your own thread (go to the Adoption board where you can see all the threads and click on Create Thread.
I'm guessing English may not be your first language, but maybe try to put a few more sentences in so as to make your question clearer.
We adopted 14 years ago, it has been tough at times, but worth it and rewarding.

KEALING · 16/04/2021 14:49

hi there
I was wondering on what the feedback is for using Coram adoption agency ?
Its just that recently approached the LA and they took nearly 1 month to respond to an initial phone inquiry and are requesting to go and volunteer to gain more child care experience - this is not easy in the current climate
they also suggested to read more books on adoption and its a requirement to have a spare bedroom
Is it usually this difficult to get to Stage 1 as they do not want to proceed just yet
Also is it better to go to Coram or LA ? Rather disappointed at how overly assertive the SW can come across...

Phosterphil · 20/04/2021 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

princesslisa123lisa · 12/08/2021 21:35

Ok so I am starting the adoption process. I was asked for 6 references by my local LA 3 of which have to be family members and 3 friends. I have the close friends but no family having walked away from them all. I have filled out and sent off the stage 1 form. I have explained why it is best for me and any future children to not have contact with them havent spoken to family for 3 years. Will this be a problem. How mybfamily behave towards me is not my fault and I have a lot of strengths and a lot of love to give.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/08/2021 23:33

Also is it better to go to Coram or LA ? Rather disappointed at how overly assertive the SW can come across..

Social workers need to be assertive, especially in adoption assessment so you’re likely to find that in any agency the social worker will be pretty assertive. In saying that, at the moment there are a lot of potential adopters in the system so some agencies aren’t accepting new applications until the backlog clears.

I have my own views about voluntary experience in adoption, but it’s not uncommon for agencies to request this. In terms of reading, this will give you some advance preparation for the process. It’s a clear requirement to have a spare bedroom for the adopted child, they need somewhere that belongs to them, even if you have an infant placed and they sleep in your room. You want to avoid having to move after placement for obvious reasons, so starting out with a plan to move to a bigger house once the child is a bit older generally isn’t a good idea.

Third sector agencies can work very well, but they don’t have any children to place so will work with a local authority to place children, the local authority will have some idea of the children in the system potentially awaiting adoption so matching post approval can be smoother.

In general, I’d say that whoever you go with you’ll need a lot of patience, social workers wherever they’re based tend to work well over capacity, so there will be delays along the way.

2old2beamum · 13/08/2021 16:40

I am afraid I was a bit naughty, on two occasions when told they were also looking at another couple, I smiled sweetly and said that another authority were interested. The next morning I had a phone call asking us to just hang on a week. Both children were placed with us. Bad girl🙄😋. Good luck.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/08/2021 20:47

@princesslisa123lisa

Ok so I am starting the adoption process. I was asked for 6 references by my local LA 3 of which have to be family members and 3 friends. I have the close friends but no family having walked away from them all. I have filled out and sent off the stage 1 form. I have explained why it is best for me and any future children to not have contact with them havent spoken to family for 3 years. Will this be a problem. How mybfamily behave towards me is not my fault and I have a lot of strengths and a lot of love to give.
You need to start your own thread!
New posts on this thread. Refresh page