Adoption and bipolar disorder

[Potteringshed]

Hello. I'm trying to figure out whether adoption is even an option DH and I can consider. I'm 43 and was diagnosed with type two bipolar disorder ten years ago. At the time I was quite unwell and spent a short amount of time in hospital (less than a week) while they were sorting out my meds. I've since been much more stable - in the last six years I've had one significant episode (three years ago) which was triggered by a very bad period of time in which my mother died under very distressing circumstances, my uncle died in the same month and I had to deal with a cancer scare. My psychiatrist at the time said he felt those were extraordinary circumstances and my treatment, on the whole, was working. I've since held down a responsible high stress and high level job, kept well, my marriage and life is very stable. I am still on medication and always will be - that keeps me stable.

My psychiatrist has been very positive about my ability to parent and has said he will support me through the process. I've been told as well that bipolar disorder, in theory, shouldn't disqualify anyone straight out but I don't know if that's only on paper and in practice it would be a "no chance". I just wondered if anyone had experience of this.

Any significant mental health issues would need to be very fully explored. A lot would depend on how stable you are and for how long, your understanding of how you know you’re becoming unwell and the kind of help you need at that time, what your support systems are like and how they might step in to help with any children. I’d also want to know if you’ve done any therapeutic work and the impact of that.

Children coming to adoption often come from very chaotic backgrounds and any sw would want to be sure you were very stable. The pressure of adoption can be incredible both during the process and in placement - have a look at some of the threads from folk in early placement to see how pressured it can be. You’d need both very stable treatment patterns and strong support to cope with that because children really can’t be exposed to you having an episode.

So no, it’s not a definite no but it is a potential barrier, I’d start working now on continuing stability, on a strong support network and your own self awareness for the best chance possible.

So should I look at paying for private therapy etc? The NHS in my area doesn't offer therapy for bipolar, esp as I've not had an episode in several years now - all I have is a six monthly meeting with my psychiatrist to confirm that all is well. Other than that, no symptoms for three years. Do I need to pay to get a therapist who can also write in support? Am obviously willing to do this if it would be needed.

Re support network - husband, who has been with me for 20 years and knows all of my early warning signs, CMHT if I do become unwell, very supportive family but they aren't local although we are in regular contact and we do all spend time together - so, I'd expect them to be about, but not living five minutes down the road. I also do have close friends who are a great support network for pulling me up if I show signs of wobbling. Would that be relevant/enough/what else should I be looking at? I'm just trying to figure out what a "support network" means. I certainly feel very well supported now, and it's helped me stay largely utterly incident free and in recovery for the last three years.

Thank you very much, by the way. It's very helpful to just have an idea as to what I'd need to aim for.

Can I also ask whether there is any kind of "rule of thumb" for how long in recovery would be preferred. I'm three years from my last episode, which is the only one in six years - would it be better to wait until I'd hit the five year mark, for example?

I would consider private therapy, not because you need “treatment” but because it might help to have a safety of a therapeutic relationship to explore how bi-polar has impacted you over the years, and to support with the challenges of early placement. I took myself back into therapy after my kids were placed with me and having an already well established relationship with my therapist definitely helped (I had long standing issues with anxiety).

In terms of recovery if you’re ready in all other areas it won’t hurt to start the process, you might find it’s longer than usual because they’ll want to be sure about your health. Your last episode will be good to reflect on what was happening, how you coped, how you knew you were slipping and how you got help for that.

You’re coming with a known condition, which is good because you know how stress can impact you - sometimes folk really get caught out with the stress of the process and parenting, you know some of your pressure points already. There can still be some misunderstanding around bipolar, and some prejudice- you may need to be prepared to stand your ground and advocate for yourself but there’s no de facto reason why you couldn’t adopt.

Oh, and apologies if my above comments come across as over eager/looking for boxes to tick and not reflective/self aware enough. I'm trying to gather information at the moment - I promise, I do know that adoption is challenging and that it's incredibly important that the right parents be found for vulnerable children. That's absolutely at the forefront of my mind and if I am not the right person to do that, I'll not push at all.

Just an adopter here, but it seems to me that if you have coped over the past year without triggering any episodes then that should count for a lot.

Oh, and apologies if my above comments come across as over eager/looking for boxes to tick and not reflective/self aware enough.

Not at all, the boxes are there to be ticked so it’s good you’re thinking ahead - for you to have been well you must have a good degree of capacity for reflection.

@UnderTheNameOfSanders - I hope so! Not gonna lie, this last year has been shit and I've certainly not been a ray of joy, but I've stayed in the normal range of stress, rather than mentally unwell.

It's one of the reasons I've let myself seriously start thinking about this - I was always afraid that I might get unwell and didn't want to risk that - I felt like I needed to be sure that I could be a good parent. And getting through this year, which was the most professionally stressful year of my life, and not losing it made me feel a lot more confident in myself.

I would be concerned. Adopted children have already be traumatised and would be with you for years. Adoption is also very stressful. If you had symptoms 3 years ago and were hospitalised 6 years ago, in a child life that is not long ago and the risk of another episode may be too high

I would think the best thing to do is to contact a few adoption agencies and ask them directly.

Most people wanting to adopt or not perfect people, most are dealing with the grief and loss of infertility etc etc. so I wouldn't discount yourself just yet, especially as you are in a ling, loving and supportive marriage and you have a good support network and are financially secure.