Respite

[Therapeutic70]

Interested in people’s views and experiences on this. We have two adopted children who have been with us for nearly 5 years. We are as therapeutic as we can be. Both have significant needs due to their early life trauma - our eldest has a diagnosis of Complex PTSD. He has an EHCP. They trigger each other’s trauma. They each have psychotherapy twice a week which I attend with them. In the last three months things have escalated significantly and there are high levels of violence. We are getting lots of support from CAMH. We love the kids and they are truly kind hearted but they are very traumatised. For the past two years, we have sought additional support in the form of respite via Social Care - I don’t mean an overnight stay just someone who can take one of them out for a few hours at the weekends and support us during the holidays. We have good support from friends and family but the nature of the children’s needs means our choices are limited and we can’t constantly be asking for support from other people. Anyway, it seems that such support is available in our County for children with diagnoses such as Autism, ADHD or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome but not for the diagnosis of Complex PTSD. Just wondered if anyone had been able to secure funding for respite and if not, would this be something that would be helpful to your family. Many thanks for reading. I’ve name changed - some of you might recognise me.

Would think Best You contact your Local SEND community disability team should be able too access funds via direct payments, amongst others. Will not be much around £700 pa but should be able too perhaps
use other funding ask advice from www.pac-uk.org

I'm in a similar position at the moment trying access support from the children's disability team for very similar reasons to the ones you give. Being refused assessment as diagnosis isn't on their list of disabilities. I'm continuing to push - as I understand it you have a right to be assessed for support and their refusal to even assess is illegal (but commonplace). I've made it clear that I know this and they seem (as of Friday) to be suggesting they may concede and assess. Doesn't guarantee that they will then offer support of course! So maybe a strongly worded email to request an assessment again? Feel free to pm if you'd like to share experiences and tips as we fight yet another battle!

I can't help with the respite, I am sorry, but it also sounds as though the sort of help you are getting is not the right therapy for your two, if the violence is continuing and has recently escalated. Unless the escalation has been explained? Psychotherapy might not be the right therapy for their complex trauma.

Yes, my adopted dds were both extremely challenging, although had no formal diagnoses.
The adoption was at risk of breaking down, my mental health was on the floor, and so children's services arranged for them to go to a foster carer at weekends, usually one at a time so I could have quality time with the other child, but occasionally together to give me a break. They would have been about 12 and 15 then.
Unfortunately it fell apart when the foster carer and her family took them on a caravan holiday for a week, returned early and said she wouldn't have them again.
I think it was funded by post adoption support.
Unfortunately the adoption did later break down after constant running away, truanting, aggression, stealing, getting into trouble with the police, and getting drunk.
DD1 left home at 16 to live three hours away with a boyfriend, returned pregnant, her child was taken into care at one day old and subsequently went for adoption, DD went to jail for attacking me when drunk one night, but is now out and slowly we are rebuilding our relationship.
I put DD2 into care when she was 15 as I couldn't keep her safe.

Papergirl, I am so sorry to read this. It sounds unbearably tough. Hoping you have had support. Xxx

We had years of CAMHS but I can't say it made much difference to the girls.
I saw a therapist for a while around the time DD1 went to jail, and pretty much just sat and cried to him but having someone just listen was a help, and I do feel in a better place now.
Social workers were a very mixed bag - some were better than others. I did have a great post adoption support social worker but she retired, and the next one wasn't as good.
Thinking back, my girls did some crafts, cookery, outdoor activities for a couple of hours a week in school holidays, funded by children's services. I think it very much depends on which area you're in. I adopted through a neighbouring authority but when the case was transferred to the area in which we live, three years after the adoption, much more seemed to be available.
Depending on your income, you may also qualify for adoption allowance which can be used to pay for sports and activities - my two benefited from horse riding. They also used to do dance and gymnastics which at least gave me the chance to sit and relax for a bit.
Keep pushing for support.

Do you get DLA? If not it sounds like you could claim it and you could you fund some respite from that?

Oh yes, Newpuppymummy, good thinking. I forgot I used to get DLA. It was a lifesaver when it was impossible for me to work for some years. Little things like it was so much easier to take another adult if we went to a theme park or something, and they caused so much damage around the house in terms of things like mirrors being smashed, doors kicked off.

Three ideas occur to me.

Firstly, I would complain about the funding rule and escalate as high up as you can manage. Make yourself an irritation until someone high up agrees it’s silly. Clearly it’s not a logical rule, and probably discrimination too. Sendiass might be able to offer some support here.

Secondly, how is his EHCP? How old is it? Sometimes a request for a review and update can be a catalyst for making some change start to happen in the system!

Thirdly, I wonder if there is any merit to asking your CAMHS worker whether there are grounds to look at further assessment for ASD or ADHD. I don’t mean to fake a diagnosis or anything dodgy - just that it’s common in my experience for kids with developmental trauma to also have neurodevelopmental issues that may go undiagnosed. It’s harder to diagnose in an adopted child, without a detailed family and early history, but that doesn’t mean there might not be an issue there, as well as their other difficulties. Why not ask, at least, if you haven’t already?