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Adoption

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Original poster

Whingy when out of the house

17 replies

Fakinit03 · 26/03/2021 16:17

We are about 1.5 weeks into placement with our 13m old. Things have been excellent so far but the only problem we are having is that whenever we go out the house for a walk either in a sling or a pram is she starts whinging/moaning and sometimes properly crying until we get home again and then she's fine again. She's fine in the car it just seems to be out walking. Her fc never had this problem! Has anyone else experienced this? Not sure if it's an adoption thing, lockdown baby thing or a mixture of both? Or maybe something else entirely?
We've tried to stay at home more but we already have a 4yr old so we do need to get out of the house regularly?

OP posts:

Notmenotme · 26/03/2021 16:59

I would say being only 1.5 weeks in with a 13 month it’s probably just very disorientating... I get having to be out of the house - but probably keep it to calm spaces??

I would just try to do whatever it is they need - they have had a pretty drastic change and will be adjusting! You might have to just spend time in the garden. Can people visit you maybe? I know it depends on restrictions....

scully29 · 26/03/2021 19:51

Yes maybe you can have a routine where one of you takes your 4 year old out for park etc but your new wee one stays home and garden only, its such early days. Id build on that and if leaving is too much for the little one stay home for now and enjoy it. I think from the post you are a couple adopting? if both feeling the need to get out Id have an exact same routine each day where each of you takes the 4 year old out to the park in the morning and then the other takes them out in the afternoon to whatever else you have in the arvo (or vice versa) and the little one can just stay home for now and focus on that, it is a huge change for them and alot for them to take in?

Original poster

Fakinit03 · 26/03/2021 19:53

It's more practical things like getting to nursery with the 4yr old, going to the shops etc. We've tried walks in the woods or park and that's no better!

OP posts:

scully29 · 26/03/2021 19:53

Ach I mean one of you takes the 4 year old to the park...sorry.....hopefully you get what I mean! alternating getting out if you need to but letting wee one stay home?

scully29 · 26/03/2021 19:54

I would defo skip shops and do online shopping?

UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 19:56

10 days is really early days. If she’s unhappy being out of the house I’d leave it for now and just focus on letting her decompress and build bonds at home first. Do you have a garden? Use that for her outside time and let her realise that outside is safe for her.

scully29 · 26/03/2021 19:57

Id stick to the essentials and make it a routine, if 4 year old needs walking to nursery do that, but if one of you can do that just one do it, either way really routine routine routine it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 26/03/2021 21:48

To be honest it might be worth keeping the 4 year old home just now in terns of you building your new family unit, building bonds with the siblings and your new little one not getting confused about why he’s there sometimes and not there at others

It might be difficult entertaining them both, but if it lessens your little ones distress it might be worth it?

Original poster

Fakinit03 · 26/03/2021 22:08

We can't keep our 4yr old home, he really needs the routine of nursery etc to help him cope with the changes he's going through. We have been keeping a routine of staying the house over the morning, nap in her cot then lunch and then a short walk out in the afternoon. Once at the park she has a great time with her brother it's mostly the journey there and back.
We will keep going with our routine and hope things improve with time

OP posts:

mahrezzy · 26/03/2021 22:38

Congratulations on your placement!

My son and I barely left the house in the first 8 weeks, and we didn’t go far. I kept his world as small as possible so he could feel safe.

However he’s been home for 11 months and still doesn’t do lots of things he did happily at his FCs. These things take time, lots of time. I think you need to manage your expectations and listen to your little one... or if you really must do the journeys do everything you can to help them bear it. Although I do wonder if they have enough to be processing right now without anything else!

DodoBaggins · 26/03/2021 22:52

There's elements of keeping the world smaller which other people have touched on.

Other practical things to think about:
Is the pushchair a different way to what she is used to? E.g. forward v backward
A sling is very close and very restricted. It's a big ask of a 13 month old to get that close to you that early. I'm sure you have cuddles etc but she has freedom with that. A sling is more restrictive which might make her feel heightened stress.
Is it noisy or quieter where you live compared to the FC? Is quiet think about singing songs, if noiser give her something to focus on like a toy or see if she'll wear headphones.
Is she experiencing anything different in the pushchair e.g. Did the FC always give her a biscuit or a certain toy. Or wrap her tightly in a blanket etc.

Original poster

Fakinit03 · 27/03/2021 07:24

Thanks everyone, it's very difficult to manage the needs of both children. Lo is other wise doing brilliant, has slept amazing from night one, eating brilliant. Happy and giggling all day long otherwise has even learned a few new tricks from her brother.
We've had sw and hv visits who have all commented on how comfortable and relaxed she seems already, which is really reassuring.
My husband will be back to work very soon as he is self employed and doesn't get paid time off, so I can't feasibly stay in the house for weeks. I'm going to give her toys to play with while out and offer plenty reassurance. I will try the sling again today, She's probably been best in the sling compared to the pram, she's even napped in it once or twice.
The HV mentioned she has a quite a few babies in her caseload at the moment who have similar issues due to being lockdown babies, she advised little and often.

OP posts:

TheVolturi · 27/03/2021 07:33

Is she world facing when in sling and pram?
If not it might be all it is, they can be so nosey at this age and just want to see what's going on!

Rainallnight · 27/03/2021 22:45

Do you know that FC definitely took her out? DD came to us at 8 months old and had never been to the park. She was driven to and from contact and otherwise dumped in front of the telly.

She adored being out but definitely found it more exciting and stimulating than babies who were more used to it.

Rainallnight · 27/03/2021 22:47

Sorry, I didn’t finish that properly. So what I mean is, maybe she’s not used to it?

Original poster

Fakinit03 · 28/03/2021 07:38

No she definitely has been out for walks to the shops etc. We're actually thinking maybe she was brewing something the last few days as we're having an awful weekend of teething, bad wind and temperatures! Such bad timing for her to be poorly so early into placement!

OP posts:

121Sarah121 · 28/03/2021 07:58

Hope your daughter feels better soon

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