Anxiety at bedtimes

[Misspollyhadadolly92]

Our as7 has always had issues with going to bed. He has the same routine, probably 45 mins reading with us, has cuddly tots, a jumper of mine etc. My husband lies with him for quite a while after story time to help him settle. Refusal to go to sleep, the feeling of being alone has been a theme since he was a baby. I have started sitting upstairs every night so he knows someone is near when my husband leaves him. But most nights he escalates, tonight I was kicked in the face twice and 90minutes if hysterical violent behaviour. So now I am thinking about letting him settle in my bed to start with to see if that will help? Absolutely worn out, nearly every night of refusal to sleep as he feels so alone.

My DS is 8 and if he won’t settle in his own bed I let him go into ours instead. We move him back to his own bed once asleep. We decided fairly early on that whatever gets everyone the most sleep is a good thing. He’ll start off in our bed 4 nights out of 7. I figure he don’t still be doing it when he’s 18.

My son really struggles with any transitions including bedtime. We give him a countdowns and give him a last turn warning it he is playing. We find it works well if we play a card game or board game before bed as it’s family time together and has a natural end. If he is playing with his toys, it becomes more of a battle as he just wants one more minutes or his is not finished his game.

Also, 45 minutes reading is a very long time. My son (aged 5) finds it stressful and although cuddles and stories are important, he can only manage about 5 minutes before his anxiety levels rise (because he knows bed is next). Is there w chance you could cut story time down?

I also sit outside his bedroom where he can see me (just my legs, not my face) until he falls asleep. I read a book and don’t give him eye contact. If I am in the room, he will constantly get out of bed or talk or throw things at me.

I agree with @Jellycatspyjamas. Do whatever you can to get some sleep. If after a week something isn’t working, change the routine.

It sounds so awful, tiring and stressful for the whole family. Have you asked your son what would work best for him? If sleeping in your bed helps, I would go for that.

What makes things escalate, does he want you in the room with him?

Have you tried sitting or lying on the bed with him, with an arm on him?

We have a foldeable spare mattress in our room which often comes in handy. Like that, we all get enough space and sleep.

One of my daughters is sleeping with a weighted blanket which helps with her anxiety. www.healthline.com/health/weighted-blanket-for-anxiety#how-heavy-should-it-be

You have probably tried this, but I will mention it anyway: Might ocean sounds or the like in his room help? Some children cannot handle the silence. Or calming meditative stories like "Bedtime Meditations for Kids" by Christine Kerr? We have also been recommended to record ourselves reading stories and play that.

We have quite a long story time, sometimes shorter depending on the book. He absolutely loves reading, so me, his dad snuggle in bed with him to read. It's relaxing for him.He Just doesn't want to be alone. He wants me to sleep in his bed all night with him.
I think we may have to try him in my bed then move him. The feelings of separation and being 'alone' are deep routed. Any recomendations for a weighted blanket?

I've not tried this myself, but the thought came to me when reading your post.

How would you feel about having a baby monitor set up in his room. You could have two options

1. Have it set to being able to see him, then show him that you can see him all the time and explain that you check on him all the time when he is asleep
2. Have it set to looking at you (in your main room) and tell him that if he gets worried all he needs to do is look on the monitor and he can see you.

Of course there are many reasons why both of these are not practical - noise keeping him awake, heighten a sense of "missing out" but this would be something I would consider if I were in the same position.