Anyone adopted siblings?

[melon301]

My DH and I are early in the process, and both drawn to adopting siblings, ideally two babies or younger children. That said, we know there are risks and benefits adopting at all ages so it would really depend on who we were matched with. I'd love to hear your experiences of adopting siblings, going from no kids to two (or more?!)?

I adopted toddler siblings. Best thing I ever did. There have been tough times but the happier times have been much more frequent. They are now teenagers and argue and love each other in equal measure.

We're heading towards end of stage 1 and we would like siblings too.

We adopted 3 siblings together, 4, 5 and nearly 7 when they came home. Feel free to message me.

Ours were 2.5 and nearly 8.
The first 3 months (which included the summer holidays) were really tough going and exhausting, but after that things clicked into place much better.
The things I found hard

• always being in demand
• balancing the needs
• having to actively think about everything, e.g. when out where were the toilets, would they be needed, when snacks, make sure we got lunch at the 'right' time, how to balance age gap. Normal meals what would they like to eat etc etc
• DD1 missing birth mum and foster carer
• DD2 velcro child
• not knowing how long an activity would keep them occupied
• not knowing many in local area with kids
• having to constantly 'prove' to DD1 I could parent DD2 safely
• getting quality 1-1 time with each
• adjusting to me no longer working
• no local family

Our LOs were 1 and 2 when they came to us. They are still little and very close. There are definite benefits to them always having a playmate/company both at home and in parks etc - especially during Covid.

It was hard having 2 mobile toddlers one who still needed constant help and supervision when out and about and the other still not fully independent. Much easier when you have an extra pair of hands but manageable. You become a dab hand at pushing 2 swings at once. Lifting 2 little ones in and out of high chairs, car seats, swings, slides, 2 lots of nappies and wrestling into clothes is more physically demanding than I imagined and sometimes needs some logistical planning - how to get them both safely out of the car without one running off whilst you get the other. But this all gets easier as they get older and more independent.

I wouldn't change it and love seeing their relationship develop but do feel a little sad that neither ever got 1:1 time with me - I had them both at home during adoption leave then they both started nursery together. 2 little ones is full on but I suppose going from 0-2 you never know any different and it's the same for parents of twins etc.

It obviously depend on your circumstances, including in terms of finances and space i your house. We adopted two brothers aged 2 and 3 years old. I’m really glad we’ve done it. It is obviously more work than simply adopting one, but the good things about it far outweigh the work. This includes being double the fun, them possibly settling better into your family as a pair than if they were alone (after all they have each other throughout the process so it’s not all strange), the ability to teach them some valuable lessons quite easily about sharing and caring for each other, and my favourite of all, them playing together throughout the day now that they are a bit older and giving me some valuable time and space to do my own things. We had such a good experience adopting siblings that we are now in the process of adopting their baby brother. Good luck with your decision!

We had our two youngest when they were 18 months and 2.5 years via early permanence plan. I will admit that in the early days I worried that they should have been placed separately as their relationship was very aggressive, they were feral! We have worked really hard helping them repair their bond and two years on things are much better. They attend nursery together and then a day each separately. Lockdown actually helped us as we all had to spend so much time together and really strong relationships developed between all of our children.
We have adopted two sets of siblings and for us it has been really positive experiences.

@Cheesecakeandwine

We had our two youngest when they were 18 months and 2.5 years via early permanence plan. I will admit that in the early days I worried that they should have been placed separately as their relationship was very aggressive, they were feral! We have worked really hard helping them repair their bond and two years on things are much better. They attend nursery together and then a day each separately. Lockdown actually helped us as we all had to spend so much time together and really strong relationships developed between all of our children. We have adopted two sets of siblings and for us it has been really positive experiences.

Ooh that's interesting to know that you got siblings through epp.

We are debating whether to ask for the extra epp training or not, we like the idea in principle but weren't sure we would get siblings that way. So thanks, we will definitely investigate the epp route more

For those that adopted 3, did you have 3 bedrooms, so 1 for each child?

@Lightout yes we had a bedroom for each child, although prior to meeting our kids we had considered 2 of them sharing as one bedroom was downstairs. As it turns out the sharing idea would never have worked. SW were happy either way and left it to our decision. I think the fact there was a bedroom for each was important. Our LOs really needed their own space and a place to call their own.

I do have friends who adopted 3 together and 2 share and it seems to work well for them. It's a conversation to have with your SW.

Thanks Charlie!

We had siblings aged 1 and 2 placed about 6 years ago. They shared a room in Foster care so did here to start with. Both were in cots. When they were both in beds we separated them to their own rooms which they totally need.
Happy to answer any sibling questions! 2 at once is a shock to the system!

Adopted a sibling group of 3 nearly 16ys ago they were 4, 2 and 10 months .

Not going to lie it was hard work the first year as the 2 yr old had development delay ( still has) which was undiagnosed at time of adoption.

Now 16 yrs on and would honestly say the last 4 yrs have been really rough on us all .

The youngest was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with attachment disorder along with pda and adhd

Both my Dds struggle with being adopted and still find Mother's Day and xmas very hard.

But it is worth it all .

I have, but separately.

I did foster to adopt with my elders and then 18 months later their sibling was born and came straight to me as a foster to adopt placement x

We adopted three LOs, they came home a year ago - two toddlers and one in school (just). It wouldn't work for everyone but it's been brilliant for us, we love our little family. Biggest pros about a sibling group for us have been that they (generally) play together so we have never felt that they are relying solely on us to provide entertainment/play value, and that gives breathing space (and time for a cup of tea) which really helps your sanity!

In terms of the life impact, I think we prepared ourselves for the absolute worst case scenario of early placement and it's never been anything like as bad as that so it has felt manageable! Also due to Covid my OH had almost six months of being at home (a few weeks of that he was working short days) which massively helped with settling process and made everything easier. Two pairs of hands does make a difference!

We had three bedrooms for them but in foster care two of them shared so we have carried on with that and at the moment it works fine. It also means we still have a guest bedroom for family etc to stay (not that we have been able to use that at all in the last year!)

I would completely recommend siblings and our experience has been very positive. There are tricky days but the lovely times outweigh them by far. However, we are still pretty early in placement in relative terms, so we fully expect that things may get trickier over time. We have had excellent post-adoption support already through our VA and the placing LA which has also helped.

Ours were 1 and 2 when they came home. It was tough, but they had such a bond they had their own language and really leant on each other. Within a year another sibling had come home to us which was very helpful in separating them a little. All three are the best thing we ever did. I’m not going to lie, A friend has twins and when she met our two for the first time she said it was just like having toddler twins and she took her hat off to us. We’ve been so lucky that so far (7 Years) we’ve had very little issues.
When they first came home they shared a bedroom as that’s what they’d always done, both with their birth family and the foster carers. The new baby had their own room for a couple of years until we moved her in with her sister and our son has the third bedroom. It’s worked well but we’re adding fourth bedroom as the girls age as the elder likes her own space more, and it’ll only get worse.
So to sum up, challenging, but totally worth it.

Thank you so, so much everyone for sharing your experiences! I've been reading these to my DH and they've really given us insight into what to expect. All your beautiful families sound so special and so full of love - I can't wait until we have our own one day xx

Hi I was wondering if any one could help me I recently had my kids taken from me due to dv and I'm under going my assessment I feel it will come back negative so I have aslo put my mom and step dad forward my mom at the moment is 54 and my step dad is 55 wen this is proply all over my mom will be 55 and I have put her forward to adopt my kids as I will like them to stay in the family she has passed her viability assessment but she now needs to do the full assessment I worrying she is to old to adopt my 1 year old 2 year old and 8 year old she is fit and healthy and still work do u think thus age would matter as I thinking that they will say she is a little to old

Hi everyone,
My wife and I are unable to have children of our own and are looking into adoption at the moment. I have done lots of research on different agencies and spoken to a family member who adopted through PACT.
We are doing a PACT information day soon and I just wondered if there is any further advice anyone can offer? Is there anything I should ask that I might not think of?
Thank you

Sorry about my post above - I’ve not used mumsnet before and meant to stop a new thread, not gatecrash this one!