School not Sympathetic

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My DD6 suffers from anxiety and is adopted. During lockdown we emailed her school to ask that she comes into school as she is struggling at home. They said they were full.
As time when on we really struggled at home with her behaviour, so much so i have contacted the Adoption agency for support. The Social Worker emailed DD school and Deputy Head said the same thing that they are full and they would provide daily Teams meetings with her teacher. She only had 1 Teams meeting with teacher for 15 minutes.
Past few days DD6 has been crying on a night time asking us if we can contact her teacher to ask if she can take her comfort teddy in school. This morning i emailed teachers advising DD has high anxiety levels and can she bring in her teddy - i offer to purchase the teddy online and have a fresh one delivered directly to school because of Covid.

This morning my daughter clung to me, crying at the school gates. One of the teachers said shall i take her and i said yes. The teacher grabbed a hold of her arm and sternly said "come on no need to cry". My DD then started screaming. Teacher was suprised and managed to coax her in by asking her to help with standing at the gates and greeting parents etc, which she gladly helped out, as she loves helping.

Also, about two years ago we asked if the Pupil Premium she receives, whether this could be spent on afterschool club payments and Head of school refused saying the money is shared out to all pupils in school. I think this is very unfair as Pupil Premium is supposed to help the individual child, although i am aware that it is up to the school how they spend it.

I am really upset with the school as they seem to show a great deal of lack of empathy towards children who are adopted.

Any advise from fellow adopters on this situation?

Thank you

I'd email the school and ask for it to go to SENCO and class teacher.

Outline the current issues as you see them and either ask for a phone call / meeting to agree a way to help and/or list some strategies you would like to see implemented. Throw in some comments about 'as you know adopted children often....' or whatever.

wrt PP, the enhanced pupil premium is meant to be ring fenced for the child in a way that normal PP doesn't need to be. It is all about improved education outcomes. Spending it on after school club (childcare?) is a way but perhaps better would be maths/English intervention, social skills intervention, specific clubs to help confidence etc.

The school should publish how it spends its PP money on its website.

I'd also be wondering whether to look for a different school from September if I could find one that seemed more 'open' to listening to the needs of adopted children.

I had this attitude from my DCs primary school. It's awful. They managed to not spend a single penny on my two for their entire time at the school .

I tried , the local post adoption team tried but no joy. The school were not going to part with the PPP funding once it was in their coffers.

Thankfully both of the secondary schools my DC now go to have a much better approach and have used the funding really well.

I wish I could advise you but I had to give up as I didn't have the energy to carry on the fight.

Wow. So sorry to hear this. The school should have let your child attend as ‘vulnerable’ and daily lessons should have been happening now. I’d definitely ring and ask to speak to Inclusion Manager to discuss the teddy and other comfort items if needed.
With regards to PP it is spent differently in each school. For example it may be spent on visitors who will have a positive affect on pupils, can be spent on staff, clubs, resources. Sometimes it may seem like it isn’t going directly to set pupils but has to be explained and shown to help those children in some way. The school should set out how it spends PP.

Do you have a virtual head in your area that you can involve?

I’m a former SEN teacher. In all honesty I’d seriously consider moving schools. I know that may not be an option for lots of reasons but I’d seriously consider it. I’m not sure however hard you try that this school and head will ever ‘get it’.

Nothing you have asked for is unreasonable (though do agree with others that using PP for after school club might not be best use of money) and certainly asking if your anxious 6 yr old can bring a teddy to school should be something they are able to accommodate.

In practical terms I’d suggest the following:

Speak with the SENCO and ask for SEMH support for your daughter. What support can they give her in school? Are there nurture groups, well-being sessions, play therapy anything like that? If not why not, why can’t they start some?
Get your post adoption SW to meet with the headteacher and class teacher. Spell it out to them that your DD has additional needs rooted in her past experiences which they need to support you and her with to enable her to thrive at school
Ask school if they can spend PP on attachment / trauma informed training for all staff. If not why not. Ask who their designated teacher is for LAC and post LAC. They should be the person who can champion your DD’s needs and if they can’t or won’t then contact virtual head at LA and ask them for advice on what to do next.

There’s so much advice and guidance out there for school on how to support children who’ve experienced trauma and loss. It makes me so mad when some schools just wilfully ignore it

So sorry, this is so hard.

I’m not familiar with pupil premium but I’d be very surprised if a school would agree to it being spent on aftercare, my understanding is it’s supposed to support education, in recognition that previously looked after children can have very poor educational outcomes. I’d be asking how they are using it to benefit your daughter though and trauma training would be a good use because it sounds like the school need it.

I’d be talking to the school about their understanding of the needs of adopted/looked after children and how they will meet your daughters emotional needs. Be clear that in not supporting her they are removing her right to education because if she’s stressed and distress while at school she won’t be able to learn. I’ve found a real balance between working with the school and being very demanding when need be tends to work. I have a good relationship with the HT but she also knows I won’t take any nonsense. I’d start by sending your daughter in with her teddy tbh (or a smaller more discrete toy if her teddy is big).

I would write down for the school specific things for your dd, rather than go for generic "adopted children" as all adopted children are different. Be specific about her needs and what you would like to be done differently and explain by reference to adoption, ie explain that her specific needs first and then how they are related to her adoption status.

It sounds as though they let her down during lockdown but it might have been that they were stretched to the limit. It might be that there are many other vulnerable children who are living at the moment in precarious or traumatic situations at their homes, I don't know. It is worth trying to have an open converstaion with the head so that they fully understand you and you fully understand them.

I think the teddy sounds very reasonable of you and I hope that they allow it. However, I think how they ended up dealing with your dd on the day of return, letting her help welcome people, sounds good, as though the teacher thought on her feet and came up with a plan which worked. If that is right, think about the school's strengths as well as things you want to change, and then think of strategic ways you could get them to change things.

I mean, explain her specific needs first

I am not sure if this will help or not, but I have always found that the right school (or nursery, or other place) had a "This is Us!" feel about it. That didn't mean that everything was perfect all the time, or that extra communication wouldn't be needed at times, more that most of the time it felt good, it felt right. This might be nonsense though, please feel free to ignore.