Pet loss and adoption

[scottishmama86]

Our much loved cat is very poorly and is probably going to be put to sleep this week. I have no idea how we explain this to our AS3. He has no concept of death whatsoever and I'm worried this could be very triggering for him and he'll think he's going too. Anyone have any tips for dealing with this? We are all devastated. Thank you.

Im so sorry to hear it and hope your all ok, this does sound so hard to help him with. My son was nearly 2 when we had this with my dog and he didnt even notice somehow. I can only think of Topy and Tim where this happens to the dog which may be a help to watch with him maybe? But he may be too young for them? Such a hard one and hope it all goes ok.

I'm sure better people will come along, but have you seen the book 'Goodbye Mog' by Judith Kerr? It is one of the Mog cat series where Mog dies.

So sorry about your cat. We lost two in the same year, they were very old. The kids were 5 and 4 when we lost the first one. It was hard because our pets were a big part of the kids story (although in reality, they didn’t have much to do with the cats). They still list the cats though as being part of the family.

We are agnostic, but found talking about Heaven the easiest. We talked about the cats being tired and old and so they left their old bodies behind (this brought up some interesting conversations with their grandparents though!). We also talked about energy moving on...we buried the cats in the garden and we bought a tree. It’s so hard, and so hard to know how the kids will react. Our kids were sad for a bit, but they were ok after a few days. We look at photos and explain that we always have our memories. It is an alien concept for them...my eldest was absolutely bereft when he discovered that there were no dinosaurs left.

All you can do is go with what you think and be there with lots of reassurance - which will be hard because losing a much loved pet will be very tough for you too

We also planted a little tree for our dog to remember him and we still all speak about it now with little emotion. I guess it helps in the long run to talk about all this. We talked about different beliefs and my son chose to like the idea of reincarnation & recycling of lifeforce.

Goodbye Mog is gorgeous. If you can read it without sobbing yourself, which I can't.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Our much loved cat died about 2 years post placement when my two were 5 and 7 so a bit older than your little one. I always find honesty is the best policy so we explained how poorly our cat was, that the vet didn’t think she would get better and wanted to help her to die because she was in a lot of pain.

My DD decided she wanted to go with the cat to the vet, which I had concerns about but being with her helped my DD understand better and while she grieved our cat sorely, she was able to process it much better than if the cat had just gone.

Your child is very little, but do try to use words like died or death rather than euphemisms like “gone away”, which can be very confusing at the best of times. Lots of space, and love, and room to talk - let him see you being sad so he knows he too can be sad.

I’m sorry for the loss of your cat.

Our cat died about one year into placement, he was run over.

Our son was not that sad and coped fine. We did get another cat ibut not straight away.

We are Christians and did talk about heaven. We also had a little goodbye service for the cat in the garden.

I think honesty is the best policy.

Sorry for your loss.

avoid terms like "put to sleep" "sleeping" which could have repercussions at bed time.

Sorry to hear about your cat we had to have our rabbit of 11 years put down last week and explain to our as3 too, also big part of his story and played with daily.

We kept it simple explained she was very old and very poorly and the vet couldn’t make her better so she died which means that she isn’t here any more but will always be in our hearts.

He was a bit sad on and off for a couple of days but we talked normally about her and reinforced the message we then cleaned out her hutch and gathered all her toys together while he was playing around us.

We offered him a couple of her toys (that were suitable and well cleaned! ) and said she would like him to have fun with them if he wanted them - he was really pleased with this and has made the switch now to calling them her toys but not asking where she is every time he plays with them.

We are planning a little memorial patch in garden where he can help plant cornflowers too. He’s coped better than we thought he would! Think we overthought it but rather this than cause avoidable trauma!!

So sorry to hear about your cat.
It’s such a hard time as we love our animals and our children and trying to stay strong for both and knowing what to do is a juggle.

My Daughter came home when she was 3 and the big draw was having her own Guinea Pig who at that point had been the only ‘child’ here.He was a house piggy so she saw him everyday, fed him etc.
2 years into placement and he became poorly and we had the talk that he might die and go to heaven and she was matter of fact and said ‘ok can I have a fish then?’ On that occasion we helped make him better, but 2 weeks later he was very ill and she kissed him goodnight and he died in the night. I thought she would be ok because she was planning on having a fish, but she broke her heart and she cried in school for 2 days. She had also lost her birth mum a few months earlier as well so it was an emotional time.

I cried with her and told her that tears are good as they show how much we loved our piggy. We planted a flower where he was buried and she now talks to him almost daily up in heaven (7 months on) he has become like an invisible friend during the lonely home schooling.

We have chosen not to have another pet at this time as I needed her to have that time to reflect. However, we did by a bubble lamp with plastic fish in which she now talks to 😊

As a parent you just have to go with what is right for your children, they will guide you.
Talking and cuddles are always a good starting point.

Sending hugs to you xx