Advice please friend of parent who has adopted

[Pjpj]

Hi recently started new job and colleague is friendly and we get on well, she talks a lot about her son and how proud she ie etc I clicked on her Fb and saw pictures and he is a very different skin tone to her and her hubby.
I won’t ask her but if she tells me he is adopted what’s the best response please? I won’t ask any of the things some very insensitive people have commented here but Is it ok to say “how lovely” or that’s great? Really don’t want to say the wrong thing but worry that just staying silent will be worse. Please can you help me to so I stay sensitive and positive if she chooses to tell me.

What would you say to a mother who showed you a picture of her biological child? Go with that.

I don't think that you are allowed to post pics of adopted children to social media due to safeguarding reasons. So he probably is hers.

If he is adopted, just react the same way you would if she was his biological mother.

This isn't accurate. It depends where you reside and the status of the adoption. I choose not to post my kids on social media but I could if I wanted to do so. Also, my adopted children are mine.

@Toddlerx2

What would you say to a mother who showed you a picture of her biological child? Go with that.

Yes. Nothing different is needed. There’s not a whole different category of ‘Responses to Photos of Adopted Children.’

I think the OP means how should she respond if the lady says 'he is adopted' rather than how should she respond to the lady showing her a photo.

She may choose not to tell you and if she does “how lovely” is perfectly fine. And he is hers.

@Fieldofyellowflowers

I don't think that you are allowed to post pics of adopted children to social media due to safeguarding reasons. So he probably is hers.

If he is adopted, just react the same way you would if she was his biological mother.

This isn't true. A lot of adopters (not all adopters) choose not to post pictures on social media. It isn't a case of not allowed.

I agree "how lovely" is fine. And hold back on any questions or assumptions you might have. If she wants to tell you then let her lead the conversation.

I think you are making an assumption about him being adopted.

If he is adopted and she chooses to disclose that its not likely to be without context and a reply will be obvious

ie, we had a party this weekend because its our 10th anniversary, answer, congratulations, did you have a huge cake ?

Its nice that you want to be sensitive but don’t overthink it

Thanks for the replies and yes she did tell me at lunch today and I replied “how lovely” she smiled and then told me more about him and his football team etc so that was the right reply which I appreciate from you all.

@pjpj
Glad it went well.

As an adopter, we are used to it all so don’t worry. As long as you don’t say anything stupid like- ‘he’s not one of those drug babies is he?’ ‘Where are his real parents?’ Or ‘could you not have any of your own then?’ (All of which I’ve heard!) then you’ll be fine :)

Just read this. Lovely story.

Something people say which grinds me even though it's usually from a well meaning place is 'she's so lucky to have you' ... luckier than she might've been maybe but this is a child with a terrible, disadvantaging and unjust start to their life and however wonderful I am that isn't fair or lucky in any way. Comments like this only reenforce the idea that my child should be grateful I adopted her and society's lack of understanding about what being removed from their primal bond and their bloodline actually does to a child. I hope my child does grow up feeling grateful and lucky but she owes neither me or the world any of that. I think what people mean when they make that sortof comment is that they think you're a good person and have the qualities needed to be an excellent parent so tell them that instead. It takes any responsibility away from the child. Other this I'd also avoid any kindof probing questions about the child's background unless it's volunteered. It's baffles me that I've had almost complete strangers ask me things like 'is that the name she was given at birth then?' and trying to probe about what her birth parents were like and why she was removed not realising what sensitive information this is. I'm glad your friend chose to tell you. You obviously made a very mature reponse and will be a great support to her xx