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Nearing the end of home study

5 replies

MillyHall · 03/02/2021 13:28

Hello all,

My husband and I are nearing the end of home study and have a panel date towards the end of March. We had hoped to have biological children but, sadly, that wasn’t to be.

My question is around how normal it is to question whether you’re doing the right thing while going through the adoption process?! I find it all really quite daunting at times. I know that we are being prepared for the realities of it all but there must be some good stuff there too, right?

I’ve read some nice posts on here so I have a bit of faith that it’s not all doom and gloom... & I know that we’re more likely to use forums in times of need rather than to tell everyone how great things are!

I guess I’ve just hit a bit of a wall with things. I know that there are so many uncertainties with this process and it scares me.

Are there any adoptive parents out there who second guessed themselves throughout the process? But that things worked out ok for in the end?

Many thanks and I hope you’re all safe and well.

OP posts:
Ted27 · 03/02/2021 15:08

You are about to embark on a huge life changing journey.

I’d say its absolutely natural and normal to have doubts, to feel daunted and yes to be a scared.

I’ve been on adoption forums for about 15 years, in my experience its the prospective adopters who were super confident and never questioned anything, or themselves, who came unstuck very quickly.

My son has been with me for nine years, he is 16. We have had our share of challenges, but there has been so much more that has been everything from just plain ordinary to absolutely amazing. We are able to have some interesting conversations about the early days, we can both admit to how terrified we were of each other.

So, unless your worries are such that you are on the floor in a quivering jelly like mess, yes rest assured you are perfectly normal.

scully29 · 03/02/2021 16:50

I found this too as there really is an overwhelming amount of negative stuff in the prep to make sure you are prepared for everything! I found bringing it back to imagining an actual child really helped instead of all the labels and doom and gloom of how hard it will be. I found the positivity of the youtube mums like Molly Mama and Aimee vlog, just for abit of positivity balance.

MillyHall · 03/02/2021 21:13

Thank you both for taking the time to respond to my message! I really appreciate your sharing with me and the words of reassurance. I'll check out those YouTube videos too.

OP posts:
mahrezzy · 03/02/2021 21:49

I’m 9 months into placement with an amazing (but often challenging and complicated) toddler who I love more deeply than I could have imagined. I question every day if I’ve done the right thing!

I don’t know if things will turn out alright in the end because there is no end. What I do know is that we’re at the start of a lifetime journey together. It’s been very bumpy but it currently feels like a cross Atlantic flight; mostly smooth sailing with some unexpected turbulence here and there. I expect it will be this way for a bit more until we fly into the storm of him starting nursery. Every morning I wake up and have a Sliding Doors moment where I wonder what I’d be doing if I wasn’t his parent.

bewareofthecat · 04/02/2021 10:25

Hi MillyHall yes our daughter was placed with us nearly a year ago and we questioned ourselves so many times because we have a birth daughter. She has settled in amazingly and it’s the best thing we have ever done. The only issues we are having is court delays etc due to covid.

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