Introducing nervous dog to young adopted child.

[PicklesandJJ]

I'm currently linked with a 2yr old (literally only just turned two) and really worried about if all goes to plan and i get matched how they will react to the dogs and vice versa.

I have two miniature dachshunds (6 and 2) the younger one is fine and gets on with anyone inside and outside the house, but the older one is a little more problematic.

I'm single and will be adopting alone, so the dogs arent used to sharing me with others. The older one is very protective of me especially when we are out and so can become aggressive when on walks which could be scary for a child.

He gets on well with my two nieices who are older as they are able to understand instructions from me on what to do, but i fear a 2yr old wont.

They both get very excited when meeting new people, or when people come into the house and can bark alot. They do tend to bark alot in general which is a trait of the breed.

Im losing sleep over this (hence the time of the post) so any help/advice would be greatly appreciated, especially from people who have adopted alone

You will probably have to keep the older one away from the child for a period of time and do introductions slowly. Can be live in your bedroom? Have a place the dog can go that the child can't follow, so if it gets unhappy it can get away and won't feel cornered and potentially lash out (maybe a cat door to your bedroom, or very small dog door, that a child couldn't fit through). Maybe consult a dog behaviourist who can help you make a solid plan. Consider you may need to rehome the dog, or maybe have a family member take him for a year or longer so you can introduce more slowly and have him back when the child can be trusted to treat him well and he trusts the child.

I have a very barky beagle and at the time, two very old and impatient cats. I thought the dog may scare the children. I thought about a relative having the dog for a bit but the SW said we should have the dog at home from day one as she is part of the family.

Use child gates to give your dogs a safe space, and maybe keep them in that space (without child) until things settle down (preferably where they can still see you and the child, I think it helps if the dogs see how the child moves, the noises children make and how they interact with you).

My dog always feels much safer with routine. Fed at the same time, walked at the same time etc. As you will have your hands full, routine may not be possible, can you get a dog walker in at set times so the dogs know what is likely to happen when?
Can you also do some scent training around the house or teach the dogs some new commands or tricks - brain work really knackers dogs out, and tired dogs tend to be better behaved.

We also had pretty rigid rules around the pets, children do not go near the pets beds, do not go near the pets when they are eating, if pets walk away they get left alone and when the kids are eating - dog is put away. Rules may be hard for a 2 year old to understand but you can put the ground work in from day 1...distraction when child gets too close, start to follow pet etc.

My kids did go along with the pet ‘rules’ fairly quickly (youngest was 2.5), but we had to be quite vigilant (which is tiring), so def have a back up plan (someone who could have the dogs for however long) in case it gets too much or unsafe.

Did you not have a pet assessment during your home study?
To be honest I'm really surprised you have got as far as being linked with a child and not thought this through.

What exactly do you mean by aggressive? You really should not be taking any risks with a child. You may need to consider rehoming

I'm a single adopter but I'm not sure that's relevant. I wouldnt want to be managing an aggressive dog and a toddler.

Yes I had a pet assessment and the sw was fine. In the house he is fine but very barky.

He is aggressive when other dogs come close and will growl and show teeth

@Ted27
I have been thinking about this from day one! All of the things everyone has suggested I have thought of abs am going to implement I just wanted to see if there were any other ideas.

I thought this was a supportive place to come but your comments are unnecessary and rather hurtful

@Whatthechicken

Thanks for your advice really helpful

Dachshund behaviour can be quite specific. Can you find a behaviourist with dachshund experience?

How is he at being shut away from you? If this is something he’ll have to teach him, and if so can you start immediately?

@SatsumasOrClementines I did find one but she is not local and with lockdown she isn’t willing to travel which is understandable.

He hates being locked away from me if he knows I’m in the next room. He is fine if he is downstairs and I’m upstairs.

Going to get a stair gate today and put between the kitchen and living room and stay that now so he can get used to it.

This may be the hardest thing - but my parents have a dog and my mum is soooo nervous with the dog and my small one. I think a problem has been created - where there wouldn’t have been one. It’s made my little one nervous of the dog and the dog nervous of the little one......... I think you need to be very relaxed when introducing the dogs. I’d also start off with being outside - so dog can keep distance if they want to!

Obviously you know not to be sooo relaxed - as you clearly aren’t - and are making plans, but I think dogs pick up on anxiety very quickly! I would suggest having dogs away for a bit of time and to introduce them slowly personally so then you aren’t worried about it at the start. It’s a lot to take on at the very beginning anyway and you don’t need the stress right away. And then after a couple of weeks do your own introductions without foster carers or social workers around?

3 years since my then 13 month old came home my dogs are still safely locked in the kitchen for most of the day behind a stair gate. It's mostly because they want some peace and quiet. My husband did lots of work with them and at one point my LO was the only one giving them their daily treats. I did have get a second pushchair for walks with higher sides as she was able to lean right over the sides and grab them in the original one. I also gave her a snack to distract her during walks.

Depending on how your dogs are, it might also we worth getting a crate. My kitchen gate is great but my one dog can't stay away from it and so has had his ears pulled a few times through it.

We have one over friendly, can knock children over large dog and a nervous collie. Last year we fostered a toddler and this year adopted a 7yr old. With both children, door gates are essential. Before we fostered we got the dogs into a child friendly routine which we could manage when there were children in the house. We added stuffed kongs to their day for some quiet time for them and used puzzle feeders on days when walks wouldn't be possible.
If you get them into a routine now, organise the layout of the house with gates and quiet spaces for them and get them used to baby sounds and screams on youtube it will make your life easier.

And the baby/toddler was much easier than the 7yr old. The 7yr old has a much younger emotional age but is bigger and sneakier which can be harder for the dogs.

@Runner31 thanks

Ted27 is very experienced and what they have said is true, you may need to rehome the dog if it does get jealous with the child.

The child has to come first, and if your SW has passed your dogs in the assessment (as the dog is only aggressive outside and they haven't seen this) then this is a worry.

The barking isn't an issue, and the child will get used to it.

Your dog may be fine with visitors (nieces) as they go home, but with a new child who is there all the time they could get jealous, especially if you're already saying this dog is protective over you.

Our son came home at 7 months old, and even though we watched him like a hawk around our two dogs he would sometimes manage to grab a tail or ear! The dogs would yelp but luckily that was it, but another dog could have reacted differently.
A 2 year old won't be able to understand or follow commands to not touch the dog (our son is now 3 1/2 and he sometimes 'chooses' to not follow instruction!) so you need to be fully aware that your child won't stay away from the dog, will treat it roughly (as they don't understand 'gentle' and that the dog isn't a toy), and the child will need ALL your attention so the dog may not like that....

Having a child, adopted or otherwise, is really really hard (I didn't know until our son came home how hard it was!). I have a husband and no dogs (both passed away now) and it's still hard, let along being a single adopter with two dogs, one being a possible problem.

I'm not trying to be negative but you need to be realistic, and if your jealous dog doesn't get on with your child it will need to be rehomed.

I thought this was a supportive place to come but your comments are unnecessary and rather hurtful

This is a supportive place but sometime support means telling you things that are hard to hear. Did you fully discuss how aggressive your older dog is during assessment, does the sw understand how protective your dog is of you? Your OP reads like you’ve just realised this might be a problem so it’s fair comment you ask about the pet assessment.

I’d be thinking about who might take your dog during intros and settling in - your new child will need your full attention and energy and will likely need a lot of physical closeness which your dog may not tolerate. I’d worry about bringing a very scared child into a house with a barking dog tbh. For both their sakes it may be kinder to let your child settle in and then introduce the dog slowly.

@Propercrimbo2020 I am fully aware I might need to regime them and already have arrangements in place if this is needed. My post was for advice on how to introduce the child to the dogs, that’s all.
Not judgments on me, my dogs or my SW.
He is only aggressive if he is challenged, which I have seen the same behaviour in many other dogs (with children) whilst on my 6yrs of dog walking

*rehome not regime

I think people are trying to be honest and helpful rather than judgemental. The thing is that a child who will probably be a bit anxious may appear to a dog to be challenging /threatening. When my grandchild was placed at 12 months, there was a lot of excited, high pitched screaming and plenty of trying to grab at my dog’s ears and tail. My dog was normally very sweet and easy going, but he was terrified and trembled whenever LO came to my house. I put a baby gate between them at all times and sat near the baby gate with LO on my lap, talking softly and feeding the dog treats through the bars. We did it in very easy stages and the situation was always closely monitored. Eventually LO was allowed to give the dog treats through the bars of the baby gate (with me holding back their hands at first in case of grabbing!) and the dog eventually became less nervous. Over the months they became the best of friends. Now several years on, my old dog has passed over the rainbow bridge and I have a new young dog. My grandchild is wonderful with him, very gentle and is a real animal lover. But I’m not sure how practical all of this would have been with child and dog living together full time. Even with an easy going dog you could have your work cut out. Good to hear that you have contingency plans in place for your dogs.

He is only aggressive if he is challenged, which I have seen the same behaviour in many other dogs (with children) whilst on my 6yrs of dog walking

You describe a dog who is protective of you, who is aggressive with other dogs, who needs to be near you at home and who growls and shows his teeth and isn’t used to sharing you or their home. What has your social worker advised with regard to introducing your child to the dog - if you’ve been open with them about the dogs behaviour, I’d expect them to have really discussed this with you.

My guess is it’s only now you’re faced with a potential match that the reality of managing it all is setting in (that’s not a judgement- it’s the reality for most when faced with a huge change). Being defensive isn’t going to help matters. No one has judged you or your dogs or your social worker, they’re going on your description of your dogs and the knowledge that pet assessments are important.

Yes I had a pet assessment and the sw was fine. In the house he is fine but very barky.

This suggests your sw doesn’t know that your dog is aggressive and possessive of you. Did you discuss it with sw and what advice did they give?

My SW attended in person all of my 12 sessions including going out on a walk so she is fully aware of the dogs behaviour.

I wish I hadn’t made the comment about him being aggressive as this had only happened a handful of times outside the house when I’ve been on my own and when a dog (normally 4 times the size of him has come charging towards us).

He has never been aggressive in mine or anyone else’s house towards any humans, children or adults.

My niece has been around him since she was born and we have had no problems. In fact he is smitten with her even when she tries to ride him or pick him up etc.

He is not protective of me when others are round, in fact quite the opposite in that he wants to know the other person more than me.

My question was relating to introductions, not the ongoing behaviour.

I will be listening to those who have been in a situation like mine, not those offering an opinion that haven’t, don’t own dogs as they don’t have the first hand experience I was looking for.

Yes it is all becoming real now I’m at the final stages and I’m an over thinker who reached out for help. I wish I had never bothered

@MrsMatty thanks for your comments and suggestions. I’ve already started with the baby gate in between kitchen and living room and so far the dogs have been fine being separated, with of course the odd treat

I'm an over thinker too and understand the worry of dog and children. I worry more about people who don't believe their dog is capable of hurting a child when the reality is, those people tend to put children in more danger and the normally docile dogs under more pressure. I've heard many times there are more bites from the loveable labrador than any other breed because owners are complacent. Having said that, please don't let anyone sit on your dogs back. You sound like you're being really proactive so try and protect the dog and don't let any child do that to your dog.
Gates are a great start and alter your routine now. We found that lowering the dogs daily expectations for walks and attention before the placement helped a lot. When we fostered we actually moved the dogs out while the children and SW first came and then did introductions when the children had a chance to look round and settle a little. We didnt do that with adoption but we did give the dogs a 'busy' toy that they would play with independently while our LO explored.

I'm surprised that ss haven't insisted that you rehome the older dog.

@PicklesandJJ

people respond to the posts that are made. Your initial post said your dog was problematic, over protective of you, not used to sharing you and aggressive.
You now seem to be qualifying those initial statements.

Just because I haven’t said upfront that I have a dog, doesnt mean that I haven’t. Not that I think it matters if I have a dog or not.

The fact is you described a problematic, aggressive dog. Thats what I responded to.