Have you ever complained about a foster carer?

[Rainallnight]

During my DD’s introductions, I saw some very concerning behaviour from her towards another baby in her care. And what we saw with DD was concerning too.

I feel like I need to make a complaint about her and that it’s been too long already.

Have you ever done this? How did it go? Can you be anonymous?

The tricky thing is that I’d always thought it would be nice for DD to have a sort of distant auntie relationships with her as she grows up - FC really did love her - but that’s not possible if we do this, I think.

*becomes. Not beginners.

So a sample size of one, against tens of thousands of children in foster care. Yes I am a social worker, and as previously stated I raised concerns about my kids foster carers during matching, during intros and post placement. The concerns were taken seriously and addressed, my placement was never in jeopardy, I could not disregard a child being mistreated because it might be difficult for me.

In my experience, the care provided by foster carers can vary hugely, and there are processes for dealing with inappropriate care much in line with @totiredtocaresixk’s post. I too have children who didn’t get good enough care in foster care, I too am dealing with the fall out from that - I don’t think their care was at all representative of the majority of foster carers (having seen many many fantastic foster carers) and I made sure the issues were addressed and followed through.

But your singular experience must be representative of practice across the piece.

They told me she was their best. And I'm not saying it's representative. Not at all. I'm saying multiple SWs accepted it. And I don't believe they would have accepted it for their own children.

I'm also saying it's incredibly difficult for adopters to say these things. Your experience of complaining, as a social worker, will be quite different from the experience of complaining when not a social worker.

Your experience of complaining, as a social worker, will be quite different from the experience of complaining when not a social worker.

Given I had to repeatedly remind the senior that I was professionally qualified and knew what I was talking about, I hardly think so.

I agree that this should be reported, but I also agree with @percypetulant. My experience of SWs and indeed, many professionals who work with children, is that they routinely accept a level of care for Looked After Children that they would not accept for their own children.

Please report this. It’s so so damaging for the child and future children.

@EightWellies

I agree that this should be reported, but I also agree with *@percypetulant*. My experience of SWs and indeed, many professionals who work with children, is that they routinely accept a level of care for Looked After Children that they would not accept for their own children.

I agree that the level of care is often not what you'd want for your own children, and while I think that's the right bar to aim for, a little below might still be pretty good, it's just how far below that level that can be accepted that is the worry. Some flaky foster carers, and social workers who won't challenge them because they need them (in LA). Some very kind ones too but so sad to think it's the luck of the draw for children who've already had some bad luck in their young lives.

Yes, sorry, I don't mean the care you'd want for your own children, I mean the minimum you'd accept for your own children. I think LA often falls below the latter.

While I think if OP is in a position to report, that's the right thing to do. But OP isn't responsible for future children, the FC and LA are. So if OP's report is dismissed, or they are unable to report, any future child mistreatment isn't OP's fault.

While I agree that it of course isn’t OPs fault it is everyone’s responsibility to report the abuse of children and do everything they can to ensure all children are safe.

I think there's wisdom in knowing what you can, and can't do, what you can and can't change. I doubt you do everything you can to ensure all children are safe.

It sounds like OP is in a position to report, but the responsibility lies with the LA supervising the FC.

Each of us can't save all the children in the world from abuse, we have to rely on systems, and what I'm trying to say is that the systems aren't always set up for listening on these issues, and if that's the case, that's not OP's fault. Report if she can, but then let go, and accept that some things you can't change.

No one is saying the OP or indeed anyone is solely responsible for the safety of children but if she is aware of mistreatment she is responsible for passing that information on. The relevant authority then has a duty to investigate.

As hard as it may be, I could not sit at mealtime with a baby being faced to the wall without addressing it at the time (even in a “oh my goodness you can’t see anything from there” as I turned the baby back round) or with a fairly direct challenge.

The systems in place are far from perfect, but they don’t work at all if people don’t raise issues because it’s hard for them. You do indeed need to know what you can and can’t change, reporting the abuse of a baby in care is something most people can, and should, do.

So, at that meal, you raise the issue you're not happy, FC takes offence, and decides to tell SWs that they don't think you're suitable. SWs meet, FC says other things to pre-emptively discredit you, and they raise concerns about the match. Things drag on.

Staying quiet during that one episode of abuse may mean you get your child out of that situation, vs your child spending time with escalating abuse.

It's not as clear cut as "I couldn't sit there while this happened" with the power dynamics of being an adopter, in someone else's house.

There could be multiple issues conflicting, and I can totally see why things would not be reported at the time (with the response from SWs then going to be a dismissive "if this was true, they would have reported it at the time"- not necessarily) and even why people would not report at all, given where the power lies. Adopters are vulnerable in this process, and have little power. Of course OP should report it if she can, but equally, if that report doesn't lead to action, that's not her fault. Or if, in the wider scheme of things of her protecting and parenting her child, she doesn't feel able to report. If further children are abused, that's down to the FC, and SWs, OP would never be to blame.

I think it's rather sweet that people think the outcome of a complaint would be that SWs would immediately act on it, rather than discredit you, and label it malicious, and ignore it, or file it away never to be spoken of, or use it as evidence in the future that you're unsuitable to adopt. It speaks of better experiences than we had. Which is a good thing, as I do hope our experience was unusual. Sadly, though, I suspect it may not be.

@percypetulant In my very limited experience I have to agree with you. It emerged that all kinds of really not good things were happening at my grandchild’s FC snd it undoubtedly had a profound effect on LO. My daughter and her husband reported FC and the SWs could also see evidence of what was going on. In this case the LA listened and addressed the issue. But as others have said the LAs are desperate for foster carers. Of the people I know who have adopted, the standard of foster care was very much a mixed bag - some very good, some ok but too many not doing the job they should be.

Yes I did, but I waited until the AO was signed.

Foster carer had screamed in my sons face and been physically aggressive with him. He also came to me with awful nappy rash that needed medical care, worms, and a severe ear infection, he had wax running out of his ears and down his neck. The home wasn’t clean, I’m not talking messy and a bit grubby, but actually dirty.

‘Luckily’ because we had three medical issues I was able to document them and have them backed up with medical evidence when I submitted my complaint.

@simonJT was your experience of complaining ok? Do you feel it had a positive outcome? Are the FC still having children placed?

[quote percypetulant]@simonJT was your experience of complaining ok? Do you feel it had a positive outcome? Are the FC still having children placed?[/quote]
All I ever reallg heard was “we’re looking into it” I was never actually given any details, outcome etc. So I don’t know if she continued to be a foster carer.

I wouldn’t expect you would be told the outcome, in the same way as I wouldn’t expect the outcome of a child protection referral to be shared with a member of the public. Investigation are private, are fairly complex and take time to complete, the outcomes for the foster carers can be quite far reaching and the process is confidential - as you’d hope it would be if someone raised concerns about you and your family.

I'm not sure about that, just thinking, if someone had abused my child , ( and I think what simonjt describes is abuse), I think the legal family absolutely should have the right to know what happened to the foster carer. In the same way, if a child was abused at school, you'd expect to be told the teacher was sacked

It's interesting, my observation is that social services generally are much more opaque than education, health, legal etc services, especially around matching. I'm education, health, and my industry, someone would certainly get feedback from a complaint, beyond "we're looking in to it."

I think that there is bit of bonkers tosh here tbh. If you report a family to child protection you wouldn't be told outcome. If you complained about an employed solicitor you definitely wouldn't be told how their firm dealt with the complaint internally. Same for doctors and teachers in most cases.

In relation to adopters making a complaint and then receiving vindictive consequences from social services you will get good and bad eggs in all professions, it isn't just adoption where this happens. I have known someone complain about a TA and the TA then reported them maliciously to child protection. There was a thread on MN not long ago about someone disputing a bill with a builder and the builder doing various things including a report to child protection with invented stories about the mumsnetter's children, found not to be true but the investigation caused a great deal of stress. I complained about a teacher years ago, and picked up dc the next day from that teacher's class in floods of tears and covered in bits of carpet, and my dc's story about what happened was quite different from that of the mentalist teacher's story. We moved schools. It happens everywhere - some people have honour and integrity and wouldn't try to punish someone for reporting them, others not so much, whether they are a SW or another profession.

I don't think the working class reference is relevant. Abuse and neglect, DV, alcoholism, happen in every part of society and you will have children from every sort of background in care. Poverty will make a difference, rather than class. Many journalists will have WC roots so the non reporting isn't to do with class. Also if society as a whole were willing to let WC children or children from poor backgrounds suffer more they wouldn't have been reported to child protection in the first place. I think it is more a lack of awareness of just how substandard care can be. A part of this is because the families involved, whatever "class" or social standing they have, will be at rock bottom and not have the resources or the energy or the focus to make people aware. Obviously the reference to substandard does not apply to all foster carers, like others have said there will be very good ones. I think that there are also political and economic reasons why care can be very poor. I am not sure it helps to say "it is the LA's responsiblity -full stop" because it is going to be funding and also often intrinsic problems within LAs which will be a large part of the problem - and this is in part everyone who votes' responsibility. And the answer is not public/private partnerships either as we have seen from how that has worked for the army, for schools, for hospitals.

Sorry OP, thread has gone round the houses, I will post a separate post with my advice here (FWIW)

OP I think if you can talk to your DC1's social worker (or if not to your current SW) and tell them what you have said here, and get their advice and input that might be helpful. You can explain what you saw, why you didn't say anything at the time, why it has come to mind now and explain about your wish to be anonymous and why and see what they say.

In relation to attachment and regulation problems, it is more than likely that your DC1 would have been affected by early life experiences, but there is a great deal you can do about it now to help. Rather than getting too bogged down in relation to the foster carer, get some professional input from a clinical psychologist with relevant expertise, as she can then consider what might be going on and what it might be linked to, with all the relevant information from you about early life and what is happening now, and diagnose and give you some advice about what you can do now to help your dc with regulation and anything else they observe.

I absolutely would report something if I felt a child was unsafe @percypetulant. I have reported another foster Carer of neglectful care which was tricky and put me in a vulnerable position but I couldn’t stand by and say nothing.
As I said I’m an adopter too and my own children had a dreadful experience in their first foster care placement and it was only because someone reported her that they were moved. So I stand by my statement that reporting incidents where children aren’t safe is everyone’s duty although I agree of course we can’t control what happens to that info once it’s passed on.

I think you definitely should report this as it is abusive. If you don't report it, it will continue to happen and sw can only do something, if they are told about it. I can't help noticing that you sound quite accusative of sw, but have not yet done anything about it yourself.

Personally, I only know excellent foster carers, who go far beyond what is expected of them. However, as in every profession, there are also mediocre and bad ones.

I think it is highly unfair though to compare child minders with foster carers. Child minders are comparatively well paid and work a few hours a day with children who are mostly easy to care for. Foster carers work 24/7 for extremely little money, and care for severely traumatised children. They are not doing the same job.

yolande I don't think it was OP sounding accusatory, I think it was a different poster, OP didn't mention SWs I don't think?