Adopting school age children

[EnergyCreatesReality]

We've been approved for a few months now for siblings 0-4 yrs and have seen a sibling group on LinkMaker that we are really drawn to and the oldest has just started school.

Can anyone tell me how it works with introductions and transition if the little one is already at school, ie. do they have time off school or are we expected to send them to school/start homeschooling the minute they come home with us?

Also when do we speak with local schools, is it once we have been approved at matching panel or would they expect us to have a place lined up before then?

Since your oldest would still be very young, I would keep them home for as long as possible. You can always catch up on the academics. School will be so much easier for your child, if he or she doesn't feel completely overwhelmed. I would actually ask for them to be deferred.

Children usually stay home for a while before going back to school. How long depends on their age, the individual child, the sw and the LA. Ask the school, if they could make a little booklet with pictures of the class, classroom, teacher, teaching assistant, dining hall, etc.

You cannot get a school place before matching. However, I did inform our LA when we were linked and which school we would like for them.

my son was nearly 8.

He left his school on Friday and met me on Monday. His school were great and made a huge fuss of him with good cards and messages. We also went back for a morning during intros so he could show his new mummy off which was nice.

You should keep them at home for a while which in the current situation shouldnt be too difficult.

How long depends on the child and individual circumstances.

My son was home for about 5 weeks, including a week on intros, followed by two weeks of the Easter holidays, the second week of term we went for a vist and to collect his uniform, he stayed with his class for the morning. We planned on a couple of weeks half time but by the end if the first week he was thoroughly disgusted by that idea so he went full time.

It was just school, no after school or breakfast clubs. I might have gone a bit slower if it wasnt for the May bank holiday, which meant a short week, after half term it was only 6 weeks until the long holiday. So I felt we had plenty of time together. Plus he was desparate to go, he liked the routine.
If you are making enquiries about them now, you would probably be looking at similar. times scales to mine, coming home around Easter. With all the disruptions around Covid, I’d be tempted to forget school this year and start them in September.

I wouldnt be worrying about homeschooling as such. There are plenty of ways to do basic stuff like reading, writing and number work without doing lessons.

I would start to look at schools and see what the options are and tell the SWs. It will be difficult at the moment because you probably won’t be able to visit. From memory ( 9 years ago!), I wasnt able to secure a place at school because I wasnt the legal parent. I told his SW which school I wanted and the LEAs sorted the transfer out after matching panel.

Hi, I think perhaps it is different in different areas, because I had a school place for my child before matching panel (we were unofficially matched though). The LA did it on my behalf at my request.
Best of luck x

@Weekends

I don’t think its different, we had the school in place before matching as well. But unless you are the legal parent you can’t secure the place, the LA has to do it

@Ted27

I was just responding to @Yolande7's comments about getting not being able to get a school place before matching to give my experience to the OP.

It was probably one of the smoothest transfers actually.

Thanks all.

There are 2 good primary schools near us that I know have a good reputation through friends but not sure how they do with offering support for adopted children so I’ll try and do some research. Probably getting ahead of myself as we’re still waiting to hear back after the family finder sending our PAR over but I want to be as prepared as possible

@EnergyCreatesReality

just bear in mind the ‘good’ schools may not be the best option

I sent my son to the ‘worst’of the three local schools. It was a deliberate choice and by far the best option for him.

The other two school were too white and middle class, my son is black so diversity was important. My son did not stand out as being different, not just because of his ethnicity, but also for his difficulties and the staff were much more equipped to deal with a child like him. He did very well there.

I had a 4 year old and. 6 year old when placed over the summer break. I deferred entry for the younger (which was no problem at all but I’m in Scotland and deferral seems to be easier here), my 6 year old was going into P2.

They came to us in July and started school after the September weekend holiday (eg last week in September). I had intended to keep them home for longer but our SW was concerned that they needed the familiarity of school and nursery, and felt I needed some space because they both were very very demanding.

Like @Ted27 I chose the best school for them, by far not the best one in the area but the school has appropriate resources and fully understands the challenges for adopted children. It was much more important the school has a nurturing approach than they have outstanding inspection reports.

@Ted27 and @Jellycatspyjamas - that's interesting about the schools, we've been told they have to go to a good or outstanding Ofsted rated schools and we had to provide a list as part of our PAR to show we had researched them. Have to admit from what I've seen I actually prefer another local school but it's rated as requires improvement so have discounted it.

I would strongly challenge that, in my experience outstanding schools are more interested in keeping their rating than working with and supporting vulnerable children. And a local school helps provide connectedness to the community. I’ll write a bit more when I have time but I’d challenge that assumption that a good or outstanding school would necessarily meet your child’s needs.

My son was three and turned four soon after he came. Because of when his birthday is he was 'expected' to start four months after joining us at barely four.

I tried to get a deferal so the could start in foundation the following year but school were addament 'no'. So I held him back for a term and then integrated him slowly. He is very smart and has done well.

I agree with others.

Maximum time at home, should be easy in Covid. Because he is still looked after (legally) in initial time after placement he would probably be offered a place at school (if you are in England).

You can look into choices but could wait until he is home. He should get his choice whatever it is (if you are in England).

I don't know how it works in other areas but adopted children get their first school option.

I had a choice of a smaller school or a bigger one. Everyone thinks smaller is better but the bigger had more resources and I felt he would stand out less if there were any behavioural issues.

Good luck - exciting.

Thanks all, just found out that family finders have decided to go with another family so I was definitely getting ahead of myself but your replies have given me food for thought about schools and challenging our SW on the need for Ofsted ratings.

Going away to lick my wounds for a bit then back to looking at profiles at the weekend. I definitely didn't expect this stage to be so hard

It's really hard, and it's normal to 'get ahead of yourself'. Take it easy, and remember you will find your children.

I’m so sorry - it’s totally normal to want to prepare for a child, and so hard when it doesn’t work out. I found this part of the process by far the hardest.

Take some time to look after yourself.

Thank you, I'm not working this afternoon so I think it will be a Neflix and cuddles with the cat afternoon.

Good luck Energy creates, it is hard at this stage but being prepared and researching will stand you in good stead.

A (derailing but relevant) question I have for parents of secondary school-aged children is whether they get first pick for secondary as we do at primary. Our son just turned three, so way off but thinking of moving closer to family and want to know our options even if it's a long way in the future.

Yes to first pick for secondary.

@EnergyCreatesReality

I'm sorry this one hasn't worked out for you, this part of the process is hideous, definitelt a bit of TLC today.
I don't think you were getting ahead of yourself, its all stuff you need to think about and the research won't be wasted.

I'm not surprised that the SWs have said good or outstanding. And @Jellycatspyjamas is right, many outstanding schools will have great support.
My use of inverted commas around 'good' and 'worst' was very deliberate.
Communities have perceptions about what are the 'good' schools in their areas, not always based on ofsted reports.
None of the schools my son attended were rated poor or in need of improvement. But the perception locally was very skewed.
I had a choice of 3 primaries, all rated Good. None of my neighbours would have sent their children to the school I chose. It was ethnically very diverse, white kids in the minority, lots of eastern European children, and a fair few refugees/asylum seekers. It was a great school, fantastic head, lovely commited teachers, the children did very well. But it was perceived very differently.
I had a choice of several secondaries. By coincindence, for work purposes I spent the day at the school which is hugely over subscribed, I thought the head was great, the teachers were great, but it was huge, I felt overwhelmed there. And the buildings were grim. I attended a lesson where the ceiling tiles were falling off, some classes were in portacabins. Locally this is seen as the school to get into.

The school I sent my son to was also rated good by ofsted, nudging towards outstanding, one of the top 100 most improved schools in the country. Its a fabulous school, its sends plenty of kids to university, including Oxbridge. The buildings are modern and well maintained.
Many parents round here are increibly snotty about it, because of what it was 30 years ago when they were at school.
When a boy we know was allocated a place there, his mum said to me 'over her dead body' was he going there. She wasn't even prepared to visit it to see for herself. They went private.

The point I'm making is that you have to dig a bit deeper. The schools your friends recommend may well suit your child, but you will have different concerns and questions to ask. If you are satisfied with the answers, great go for it.

I'd keep an eye on that other school, a change of head can turn a school around quite quickly.

Great to know Percy, and good ideas for future research.