Any social workers here? I need advice

[Vinceypie]

Hi there!

Long story short. My dad and his girlfriend had a baby last week but unfortunately the baby is u able to go home with them(I don't want to discuss the reasons why).

Basically I have put myself forward to foster the baby or if it comes to it possibly adopt.

Does anyone know what the process would be? The social worker called new today and mentioned that the baby would go with a foster carer until an assment has been done on us. Does anyone know what the assessment will involve? She said someone will call me either Friday or Monday to explain.

I just really hope he can come stay with us because I really don't want him going from home to home. Poor baby didn't ask for any of this :(

Thanks for all of your help and advice in advance!!

Hi, I’m not a social worker but I can tell you that SWs very much want to keep children within the birth family.

I’m not sure what the assessment entails but they are looking to ensure that you are in a good position to look after the baby.
One thing you might want to think about is the future relationship and contact with your dad and your wider family.
Your dad or other family members may not want the baby to go to you, the SWs will make the best decision for him but these situations can cause a lot of conflict within families.
Depending on the reasons why the baby is being removed, it might no longer be possible for you to have contact with your dad.
Something for you to think about and prepare for.
Good luck

Yeah so I don't really want to go into the reasons why the baby can not go home with my dad and his girlfriend. But it's highly unlikely my dad and his girlfriend will ever be in a position to care for the baby. It's a very sad situation.

I don't actually have contact with my dad but I do have contact with the rest of the family which is how the social services were able to get in touch with me.

If things with my dad improve then I have said I would be willing to work with social services and help my dad and his girlfriend see the baby. Regardless of my relationship with my dad it's about what is best for the baby.

The last 2 days have been such a whirlwind! I really do hope he can come home with me as there is a chance he may have downs syndrome and I worry that if he is going to be kind of adoption no one will want him because of his disability and I really don't want him going from home to home. It's no like. Poor wee thing didn't ask for this :(

Excuse all the typos. I hope you get the jist

Would it be worth contacting one of the national adoption groups to see if they can give you advice. If you google CorumBaaf they have some useful information on kinship adoption.
You are doing a great thing

If the baby goes into foster care for a short rather than directly to you while it will become classified as a looked after child (lac). You will be to use that for support in the future. For example priority place at a school. You will give the baby the best start but at times you may need extra help so don't be afraid to ask for that.

I’m both a social worker and adoptive parent.

The assessment process will explore your current living circumstances, current and previous relationships including the relationship with both your parents, siblings you might have etc. They will want to know why you’re not in contact with your dad, how that came about and whether you’re in a position to offer the new baby a stable, loving home.

Things you really need to think about include your financial position, are you financially secure and will you be able to take leave from any job to care for the baby at least for the 6-9 months, possibly much longer if the little one does indeed have additional needs. Are they talking foster placement (eg paid foster care) or kinship care (which would usually be the case in a family situation but doesn’t come with the same financial support). If you decide to adopt, it’s unlikely there would be any ongoing financial support other than child benefit and DLA if applicable.

What are your current and future plans - you don’t say how old you are but I imagine you might have had plans for birth children which may need to be reconsidered. If you’re not in a relationship a new baby might really get in the way if you did want a partner - how would you manage that?

Given this isn’t something you were thinking about, and has come at you very quickly it’s important to use your heart and your head. I totally hear your concerns for the baby but you also need to think about the impact on you not least so that you can plan for the future.

A newborn isn’t likely to bounce between foster carers, it’s not unusual for babies with quite complex needs to be adopted so potentially having Down’s syndrome wouldn’t necessarily be a barrier to adoption.

Most people who come to adoption have had a long time to think about it and prepared, and the assessment process is designed to make sure those people are realistic, have considered the impact on them and understand the challenges of parenting through adoption. You’re coming to this fresh, with a lot of emotion around your dad and this new baby (understandably). Try to take a step back, think through your options and the changes and challenges coming your way if you do proceed.

Regardless of my relationship with my dad it's about what is best for the baby.

You need to consider that what’s best for the baby may not be good for you - and you need to be in a good place to care for the baby. For example if your childhood wasn’t great, seeing your dad could open old wounds for you, which could seriously impact your mental health - in my experience nothing triggers old trauma like parenting your own kids. You need to be able to balance what you need to stay healthy and well, the supports you may need to be in place, where your boundaries are in terms of your family and the reasons you don’t have contact with your dad, which I presume haven’t changed.

It’s very easy to get drawn into “whatever is best for baby” but first and foremost children need their parents to be well, to be stable and secure, able to meet their needs and able to set clear, safe boundaries for themselves and their babies.

So much to consider, and I can imagine your head is in a whirl, you don’t need to make this decision quickly - and you’re in a good position to negotiate the support you need (practical, financial, emotional) because placing the baby with you will likely save an absolute fortune in care costs (which sounds grabby, but is important because children aren’t cheap).

Take your time to think about what you can offer and what you need to care for this child.

Re Down's Syndrome, there are some people that want to adopt babies with this, we have 3 and they are fantastic. Several of my friends have adopted 2-3 with this syndrome so do not worry. But if you want this baby and feel you can offer a good home, go for it ! Good luck!