NCed as would be outing if using regular name.
I'm in the early stages of my adoption journey - still the research stage - after realising my body cannot medically handle the stress of pregnancy - I could try it, but doctors have informed me of many risks to my health. I already have a chronic condition, and as such don't want my health to be worse. I manage this condition with medication and can function on a much better, if slightly below average level. So if my health proves good in the next few months, I will consider formally pursuing adoption.
I have read a lot, both positive and negative, including a great deal about trauma, attachment disorders, FASD, behavioural problems, etc. This is quite daunting, but I'm prepared to investigate further. I have a few acquaintances and friends who have become adoptive parents in recent years, and what has struck me most (with these friends) is the stress and lack of joy in the experience. Please note 'lack of joy' is a phrase one of my friends has used when speaking about her experience.
She mentioned the very different feeling of becoming an adoptive mother, different than she would imagine being a birth parent. She adopted a young baby, but told me she never felt excitement about the child arriving home, only anxiety. She always imagined decorating a nursery and the baby cooing under a mobile in the cot. Without going into too much detail, this was never really the case. She also said she imagined a lovely Xmas with a young child, but instead it was a nightmare due to meltdowns.
Obviously this can be the case with bio children as well.
But another friend who has two adopted children is not able to post pics on social media, even on on private settings... I wouldn't post many of my own children regardless, but it seemed sad they can't post one. That you can't share your child at all.
This post is getting negative, which wasn't really my intent. I wanted to counteract this by asking about joys you have had as an adoptive parent. Big or small. In imagining my bio child, I always wondered about them taking after me with my interests or aptitudes - I suppose I worry an adopted child wouldn't be like me, or we wouldn't understand each other enough. I'm so confused at the moment with reading about the worst side of things. And I worry about trying too hard to 'shape' a child that has had a life before me. What if I try and influence them too much but they just hate me?
I would love to hear stories of 'normal' parenting with adopted babies. Feeding, playing, learning, cuddling. I apologize if any part of my post was insensitive, a couple of my relatives have had newborns recently and I'm upset that I may never feel the same 'magic' as they are feeling.
Thank you.