Adopters meeting birth family including siblings?

[Debswebs]

Hi,

We have a foster to adopt placement. We have been given the opportunity to meet the half sibling and his guardian who are related to BM.

We do not want to meet BM or BF due to risks to our safety but have been assured that those risks do not apply to the half sibling and guardian.

I am wondering if any adopters out there met birth family and did they find it beneficial?

I would only meet if I was 100% sure there was no safety risks and also that it would be beneficial to our son. It would be nice to tell him we met some of his birth family but is it worth it?

TIA

I met some of DD's birth family, although not any of her half-siblings. I think it was worthwhile as I have been able to tell DD things about them as she is growing up. Just little things like DD is very organised and tidy (she didn't learn that from me) and I was able to tell her that her maternal grandparents said that her birth Mum was also a very tidy person.

We met the BM and it has really helped us when writing contact letters over the many years.

We met birth mum, it wasn’t appropriate to meet birth dad though. I found it very beneficial. It has really helped me when writing to her. When you read the reports you get a picture in your mind of who they are, but when I met her I just saw a very young, vulnerable woman. Yes, she’s made some bad /unsafe choices, but she didn’t necessarily have the skills to make the right ones. I know our BM can be manipulative, but again, I think the manipulation is a survival technique for her. I think my kids will benefit from the brief meeting we had.

Just as an aside though, I did get a bit worried initially about the safety aspects afterwards as BM now knew what we looked like. I did take my profile picture of me off all SM and replaced with a pet or something else, I also do not use my last name (although I don’t think she knows that). Overall though I have no heightened concerns over safety because of the meeting.

We have contact with a half sib (also adopted) and do occasionally meet up.

We have been approached for an EP placement as we are due to panel next week and have said regardless of risk we will meet birth parents as it's important to us and in the long term will benefit our child which SW seem ok with for now as it would be at a contact center.

It's hugely beneficial for everyone so not sure why some adopters are against it or even wary. I understand your safety concerns but it's nothing but beneficial, I haven't heard in our groups one adopter who regretted the decision but many who regretted not meeting the family.

We always wanted to meet birth parents and we’re very open to it during assessment and while waiting for a match.

We discussed this with all social workers involved and although it was our decision in the end it was actually advised not to meet birth parents of our little one. The risks are too big.

I can’t decide if it’s gonna benefit them or us?

I’ll have to discuss with our SW again and try to decide!

@Debswebs

We always wanted to meet birth parents and we’re very open to it during assessment and while waiting for a match.

We discussed this with all social workers involved and although it was our decision in the end it was actually advised not to meet birth parents of our little one. The risks are too big.

I can’t decide if it’s gonna benefit them or us?

I’ll have to discuss with our SW again and try to decide!

If you were ok meeting birth parents why is the half sibling a concern?

Why would it be anything other than beneficial?

@cherrypie111

meeting birth family can bring a whole set of complications,

the sibling may be a lot older, may have some contact with birth parents which can present a risk. If the children lived together at any point it creates expectations and hopes for the future.

@debswebs I’m not sure of the worth of meeting a sibling unless the children are going to meet and its going to be a regular thing.
Think about it from the sibs point of view, being taken to meet as far as they are concerned a random stranger.
I think a lot depends on the age of the sibling. If they are much older and had a relationship with the child then it may help them to know that their sib is safe and well.
We have direct contact, its been very hard to manage