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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Single Prospective Adopter with Older Bio Child

1 reply

Ellseer · 12/01/2021 21:23

Hi all, I’m really hoping to speak to someone for some words of wisdom about my situation. I have a nine year old biological child who is ASD, which largely presents mildly and affects his education more than anything (at this point).

I have waited a long time to start the adoption process because I wanted to ensure his absolute stability at school and in general, but I am now worried I have left it too long.

I’ve had our initial visit today albeit virtually, and whilst we had a really good, long discussion, the social worker focused quite a bit on my son, his relationship with me and the natural concerns about him having to share me, bond with a third person after so long (it has always been just us).

I appreciate all of that and have obviously considered it but my opinion is that even if the transition is difficult, the long term gain far outweighs this as with any adoption scenario. I don’t actually anticipate that it will be as difficult as she fears, he is an extremely loving little boy who is desperate for our family to grow but I appreciate I have mum eyes and she is the expert.

She didn’t give me an indication either way as to whether she thought we would progress to the full home assessment so I’m keeping an open mind but I am much more nervous that this maybe isn’t an option for my family than I ever have been before.

Whether single or with a partner I would appreciate any advice from adopters who had older bio children to begin with about what to expect and anything I can do in the mean time, thank you xx

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 13/01/2021 00:35

We tried for many years to give our DD a sibling through IUI and donar IVF.

Nothing worked and so we decided to stop and to pursue adoption. I’d wanted to adopt since my twenties (I was now forty something and dd was 7 at the time.

The whole process took just under two years.

DS was three, almost four when he came to us.

Our dd was diagnosed with ASD three years ago.

DS has bonded very well with us, and attached well, I think.

DD has always had quite a mixed relationship with DS. Quite jealous at times, despite being desperate for a sibling!

Ds quite likes having an older sister.

DS is now 10. DD has many issues both mental and physical health issues.

All in all it has not been an easy journey but I love them both and would not be without either of them.

I don't think you have left it too late but I would do it sooner rather than later if you do decide to do it.

Good luck.

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