Starting to look at adoption

[Anony1410]

Hi everyone,

My partner and I have started seriously thinking about adoption. We have a 4 and 1 year old already and I've always wanted 3 children and we considering adoption for our third. I know the process is a long one.

If anyone has any tips or advice they have picked up along the way that would be amazing as would like to have a good picture from the start.

In all honestly I would like to adopt a baby purely for the fact I have two younger children. I might be wrong but my gut is that the adopted child being youngest would be best? I have no idea though and welcome any advice and I also know that adopting a baby has its own challenges.

I'm going to do lots of research myself. I have just always found mumsnet invaluable and would love people's input

X

Hi, yes you normally have to have a 2 year gap between your youngest and the new one so will probably have to wait a while but it is a slow old process so you could defo make enquiries and defo start researching and reading up on adoption. I would totally recommend joining Adoption UK they have loads of webinars including one on adopting with birth children, and their regular prospective adopters meet up is so useful. I would check out online your local options and see if they have any online information stuff going on you could attend online? There are loads of great books to read, and there is a BBC radio 4 podcast called The Adoption I think which is a good introduction to the whole prcoess.

A two year gap is usually needed so might be worth holding off until your youngest is a bit older.

Also consider the impact adding an adopted child will have on your existing birth children. I would suggest joining the therapeutic parenting social media pages as there are many honest accounts of how parents with birth children have had to adapt to the needs of an adopted child and some that are pretty tough reading (so much so I would personally never consider it as it can cause resentment all round)

Oh Cherry Pie dont say that! There are many good reports of adopting with birth children too! (Im about to do it!)

I have a birth child and an adopted child. Feel free to ask me anything you like. Tag me in if you specifically want me to answer. Although there are a few others on here who have birth and adopted children.

Just out of interest, why do you want to adopt rather than have another birth child? You do not need to answer.

For a slightly more balanced view on adopting after a birth child, I'd recommend looking at the adoption U.K. website. They do an annual survey of adoptive parents and release the findings in their adoption barometer. They also were also running a course called something like adopting a second child, or at least their Welsh counterpart was last year.

The recommendation to look at the therapeutic parenting forum and NATP (national association of therapeutic parenting) is perfectly valid but you have to remember that those posting on there for help and advice are doing so precisely for that reason. People rarely post about the good stuff.

If you type beaconhouse.org.U.K. into google it should give you access to their free resources containing a wide variety of information about the impact of attachment and trauma on adopted children including videos to help explain it.

@scully29

Oh Cherry Pie dont say that! There are many good reports of adopting with birth children too! (Im about to do it!)

I believe in going in with eyes open. As I said I've read and heard enough to never do it myself but to each their own

Beacon House is brilliant.

I love, love, love this video...

Really worth watching if you do not know it.

Italiangreyhound thats so useful thankyou!