Where are my fellow pandemic placement families at?

[user1479136681]

We were approved in Dec 19, linked with LO in Jan 20 and placement in March 20... On the second day of lockdown 1. It's uniquely difficult and I won't lie it has been so, so tough. I think if we had known there would be this pandemic we'd have delayed for a year.

All the support we had set up just fell away, our parents live far away but they were all planning regular visits and haven't been able to (we've had 2 garden visits and one overnight, when me and the mrs were able to put LO to bed and then go out to a restaurant, bliss!) Even between lockdowns we haven't seen them much because they're all essential workers and my mum is in the vulnerable category.

We've had even less contact with social workers, who didn't do in person visits or regular online meetings either. Our friends have been a godsend.

I suppose being at home was good for bonding, but the times I felt most positive were between lockdowns when we could do playgroup, play dates, meeting friends etc. Since November I've felt more and more depressed and disconnected from my little family. I don't know how I'll continue if there's another lockdown, which seems likely.

Yes same. My son came home in May (placement delayed from March because of pandemic). I’m a single parent, my family are far away and my local friends and support network were all too stressed about the pandemic and (rightly) focussing on their own families to help me. Looking back I wonder how I got through it. I was quite down yesterday about it all - not the Christmas I’d hoped for! - but all I know is being a parent in a pandemic. It won’t last forever and then imagine how wonderful it will be! The silver lining is that because of all of this I feel that my son and I are a lot closer than we would have been had I been diluting our potential one on one time with friends and family. I miss socialising and I’ve not been apart from him in eight months (hard hard hard!) but I hope to look back and think I made the most of it.

Does your partner support you so you can have breaks (apparently they’re quite good!) so you can get outside and see people? Are you able to find some normality in your routines and time for yourself? I give myself an hour a day to watch something on TV or to read. I’d go mad without it. It will get easier. Hopefully by the time it’s summer things will be better and we can feel free again.

To be honest my partner isn't that helpful which is part of the problem! We were at home together for 5 months as she was furloughed, and now she's not very confident about taking him out on her own. She will take him out for a walk in the pushchair sometimes... We've talked about it but she doesn't really appreciate how desperate I am for alone time and took what I said quite personally. So I'm not getting enough breaks for sure. I can't imagine doing it as a single parent, you're amazing!

That sounds so hard. I have no idea how usual it would be for a partner to not feel confident taking a child out / being alone with them but it sounds like something she needs to find a way to resolve. If it was me (and this may be why I’m single!) I’d disappear for a bit with an ‘emergency’ to get some alone time. But that’s probably not recommended! Maybe do a slow transition where you leave them for 5 mins, then 10 etc so she can bear her feelings with your LO a bit more? Unless it’s pandemic related - sometimes I don’t want to leave the house because of it all. But my son needs daily exercise a bit like a puppy so I have to.

It’s hard isn’t it. It took me longer to get through matching and I tried really hard not to imagine what being a parent would be like as I didn’t want to get my hopes up. That said I didn’t realise how hard it would be, how exhausting playing with him is. How he constantly needs me but I need to do cooking/laundry etc. There’s little time for me time and it sounds like it’s the same for you. Chuck in a global pandemic and everyone dealing with things in their own way and it’s extra challenging. I get what you mean about delaying if you’d known... sometimes I think that too but equally being a new parent has been the ultimate distraction!

Is there anyone who can form a childcare bubble with you so you can both get a break? Together or apart?

I can empathise with your partner OP. Am two years in and winter is not my time at all. I was definitely hesitant to do it alone - scared me witless plus husband seemed to have it all under control as a teacher whereas all my experience was from being with family/friends etc.

Questions I stewed over were what if I did the wrong thing, what if son had a tantrum in public, what would I say if someone asked me a question and I had all those but talking it through and roleplaying it helped as did a lot of advice I read from the wise ones here. I have left many places never to return but looking back, I had to learn to read his body language and signs and once I got that, I was more confident. Underpinning all of that dark time was the loss of me, wtf have we done and I miss my old life.

Worth asking her 'advice' in certain scenarios, so she can think some of it through from your pov perhaps?

I also set myself a routine which I followed religiously until I could freestyle.

I salute you all who've gone through it this year. And double salutes for doing it singly.

Keep talking, we have been here and keep coming back.