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From link to matching panel

8 replies

Fakinit03 · 19/12/2020 04:24

Hi again,
I feel like I've posted on here loads lately!
So we've had a link, met with her social worker who has said they want to go ahead with us as do we. They haven't yet given us an official panel date however we heard our sw and lo sw discussing dates and seemed to be leaning towards end of Feb. Is this a normal length of time? It just feels so long to wait to meet her now we know all about her and have photos etc.
It's her first birthday at the end of Jan and I feel really sad we are missing her first Xmas and her first birthday! Is it ridiculous to even imagine we could have panel before her birthday if we pushed?
And if not I know there is a panel date in early Feb would it be reasonable to push for that date rather than the end of the month?
She has a very straight forward background, there are no medical or developmental concerns at present.
Also what is the etiquette at this point when you've not met the lo yet? Can we send xmas/birthday gifts?

OP posts:
Kitangani · 19/12/2020 07:26

Hey congratulations on your link. That’s very exciting news!

I think on the whole end of February for panel seems about right if not quick. Have you met the foster carer, medical advisor? The time allows for the social workers to make sure all the paperwork is in place and write a report, plus you get to contribute to the APR. Also they have to factor in the final contact with birth parents/siblings and there’s Christmas & new year writing off a couple of weeks.

I was linked in November and panel is mid January and the was a birthday and Christmas in-between. It feels very odd knowing about the child but not being part of their life and getting involved in the celebration. I wouldn’t send anything at this point. I wrote a card to the child so they knew even though I’m not with them, I’m still thinking of them but didn’t send it, it was more for me at this point.

If matching panel ends up being end of February, I don’t think I’d push for an earlier date because I’d want to go to panel knowing that I had as much information as possible and the social workers had the time to put together a complete report and good support plan.

Crechendo · 19/12/2020 08:32

That seems quick to me too. Ours was initial sw meeting in Jan and then matching panel end of March. Covid happened so this didn't actually happen till later.

As pp said there's a lot of copying and pasting from one report format into another .... I mean new paperwork ... to do.

You could ask about pre meets. Some agencies are ok with these some are not.

It gets said all the time but really keep doing your research. The medical conversation should be good so make sure you have your questions for that set.

Ted27 · 19/12/2020 08:44

congratulations,
even if Christmas wasn’t in the way, February is still very quick, there is masses to do in terms of paperwork, and you should meet with the medical advisor, FC etc.
Panels meet on pre arranged dates, not on a case by case basis, they need paperwork in advance. Don’t forget there are other adopters waiting for panel dates, if a panel is full its full.
Yes its frustrating but there is a lot to do between now and then.
You will have every other Christmas and birthday with her, next year will be much more fun anyway, hopefully Covid free, but she will be aware of what’s going on.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/12/2020 14:14

As others have said, that’s a fairly quick panel, there’s a lot for social workers to do ahead of panel (and much of it isn’t as simple as cutting and pasting sadly). You need time to meet foster carers and the paediatrician - even if everything looks straightforward there may be issues in the birth families medical history that needs checked and explored. The foster carers need time to prepare the little one for moving to her new home, there may be contact issues for birth family, depending on where you are there may be legal processes outstanding. Social workers will also be on holiday over Christmas, or possibly be deployed to support front line teams so not much will happen until January now.

I know it’s frustrating for you but it’s not as simple as handing your child over to you. Any January panel will be full by now and social workers will be finalising those reports, they have a number of families all keen to meet their new children and I suspect if they could do it sooner they would have booked you in.

The other side, of course, is that you need time to prepare yourselves for becoming parents, the next couple of months will fly in and you’ll find yourselves busy organising the house, attending meetings, finishing up at work etc. Don’t wish this time away, use it to prepare.

In terms of birthdays and Christmas gifts, I wouldn’t - there’s still much that can happen that might mean the placement falls through and it would complicate her life story to have gifts from you before you were part of her life. Maybe buy a couple of bits for her room or a keepsake but let her have her birthday and Christmas with the family who know her and have cared for her. You’ll have many many more to celebrate with her.

If panel is end of February I guess you’ll be looking at intros early April (time for the agency decision maker to sign off and for a plan for intros to be put together) and Covid is holding things up in all kinds of ways. Patience is the name of the game here.

mahrezzy · 19/12/2020 14:41

I matched in November last year, had matching panel in February and then my son came home in May....... it was meant to be March but coronavirus decided to have a say! I was lucky enough to be able to send him a Christmas present (a toy train he plays with every day) and to see him once a month until introductions started. There’s lots to do from matching to getting to matching panel and then planning introductions/transitions. It feels like it goes so slowly on one hand, but when you think about everything that needs to happen it really is quite quick.

Congratulations! 🎉 This time next year you’ll be ready for your first family Christmas.

Fakinit03 · 19/12/2020 15:02

OK thanks everyone, I know there is so much to be done. Her social worker did tell us she had already had her final contact so that's something. It seems maybe it is quick compared to others it's just I have a few friends who have adopted with the same LA and have had panel then intros very quickly following a match qebu obviously Xmas and covid are bound to make it slower. It's just so hard to know she's out there now getting bigger all the time and we can't see her yet. And we don't want to tell our 4 Yr old anything until panel so it's so difficult keeping it a secret when we're so excited!

OP posts:
PaintedLadyWBB · 19/12/2020 23:39

We were matched in the April and went to panel in the June. Our little one then came home in the July.

Newpuppymummy · 21/12/2020 09:27

In our local authority intros generally start 10 dats after matching panel. Have you met the fc/medical advisor etc yet? Do your local authority do bump in/chemistry meetings? You might be able to meet her before the marching panel. Christmas will delay things for a few weeks so I think feb sounds reasonable although do understand the wait is hard

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