Some advice please, I want to get it right!

[whatcanisay]

Hi

A friend of mine is about to adopt a child, she will be about 18 months old I think, and as far as I know will arrive at her new home with all her toys and clothes.

My question is, do I get her a present or not. Obviously, if it were a new baby I would but given the circumstances I'm not to sure what to do. She already has an older DD and I think I would get her a small present too, but am at a loss as to what to get her new DD. Any ideas as to what may be suitable (given that I don't know what she already has) - I don't want to confuse her at all and want to do the best thing. Help please!!

definitely send a card and a present - maybe a set of books so she can have them for later and think of you?

She may not have many toys - check out with your friend - it depends on where she wa s before.

Hope it all goes well

Yes, I loved the presents and cards when we adopted ds (he was nearly 11 months). One of the things I liked the best was a 1st birthday present, a set of decorated letters spelling his name that I could put up on his bedroom door. Perhaps you could get letters or a name plaque for both girls.

She will come with clothes, but probably not all that many toys as the foster family probably keep a stock of toys for all the foster children rather than buying new ones for each new child.

We had this dilemma when my BIL and his wife adopted a girl and boy (siblings). They had been in foster care for a year and had some of their own things but not a huge amount.

We decided to send something and ended up getting small toy for them each and some new clothes. We probably would have got the same had they had a new baby but it just felt a bit strange as the children were older. We got a card too but it was difficult to know what to do as the actual adoption won't be for some months after she gets the child. In the end we ended up sending 2 cards, another when the adoption was offical but no pressies that time.

I think in the end that you have to mark the occasion the same way as if your friend had actually given birth herself. After all adopting a child is as life changing as giving birth to one.

We received a few toys and clothes as gifts when our little ones arrived - they were really welcome. They did come with clothes and toys but mostly pretty well used. Take a meal round for your friend too .

We had quite a lot of "a new boy in the family" type cards at time of placement, by the time the adoption is finalised most people will have forgotten!

absolutely get something to commemorate the arrival - I was very touched by the fuss people made when DS came home. It almost doesn;t matter what you buy, in this case it really is the thought that counts.

We had lots of really lovely gifts when we adopted our daughters - much the same as if we had children the more conventional way except of course age appropriate or to grow into clothes, books and toys. We also had crockery, cutlery and a lovely childrens clock as well as named items.
We didn't have anything initially so all was very much appreciated

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for the replies. I like the idea of the name plaques for each of them maybe, and I think her older dd will like that they match iyswim.

I was worried that I would confuse things and didn't want to do that - but certainly feel happier now that I was thinking along the right lines.

It's such an exciting time for them and I want to celebrate it with them, but wanted to get it right!!

Thanks again.

yes yes i agree with everyone, you must get soemthing.

if you are not sure about clothes or toys, why not get the kind of thing people often give as Christening gifts, like jewelery or one of these china cups and plates or clocks? You know, its more for the parenst now and for teh child when they get older. Kind of marking the occasion.
memory box
baby plate

For my two nephews christening I bought two apple trees, and have name tags engraved. they can watch them grow, eat the apples, etc and can enjoy through their lives! They went down very well all round...