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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Beginning of the adoption process, what to expect ?

10 replies

Lifesforloving1 · 09/12/2020 19:07

Hello everyone ,
My self and my partner are going to be looking into adoption next year some time.
We have been together for 6 yrs .
Had a lot of fertility issues about 2 years ago and we love to give a child a loving home . ( I will not be having any children of my own)
I know you have to have a separate room for the child , hence why we’re waiting for a year until we move .
My partner has a child of 9 that he has every weekend .
I work in a nursery ,
No health concerns with my partner.
But a few with me , one being a enzyme disorder . ( it’s controlled with medication though )
I also had a stroke as a young child , so to have a slight disability with my arm.
Would this be a problem ?
I manage with most day to day things .
What else would I need to be considering ?

OP posts:
Weekends · 09/12/2020 20:37

Hi,

There's so much people could suggest in terms of adoption/children's needs in general and also what you need to think about for your own family life, but as a starting point I would look at First4Adoption and get reading!

Have a look at No Matter What by Sally Donovan.

If you adopt, you really will have a child of your own! Best of luck to you both.

Weekends · 09/12/2020 20:41

Oh and I would suggest talking to social workers about medical needs as soon as possible so they can advise you. Very often there is a way through!

Original poster
Lifesforloving1 · 09/12/2020 21:18

@Weekends
Thanks so much 😊

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 09/12/2020 21:28

Definitely speak to different agencies etc before selecting one, as you will want to know their approach to your illnesses, and forgive the term, but your 'limitations '. If you get an agency that are not proactive they may really drag you through the mill over it. Whereas another agency might not even blink at it.
Also, they will want references from every single setting you've worked in, as they have been with children, so definitely start prepping your contacts and addresses for references as this could also take time to gather at a time when you are doing other paperwork.
They will want to meet your SC, and have their view on the adoption , so if necessary start prepping the groundwork with them now, so it's not a sudden realisation from them that they may struggle with it. They will also want to contact his ex, so have a think about that.
Its a long, but very worthwhile process, so wishing you lots of luck with it Smile

Original poster
Lifesforloving1 · 10/12/2020 06:27

@ how come they would want to contact his ex girlfriend ? That’s odd ?

OP posts:
ifchocolatewerecelery · 10/12/2020 07:24

They contact exes because there was a case of an adoption that went badly wrong for the child because they were abused by their adoptive parent. During the serious case review it turned out that if only they'd contacted the ex they would've discovered that the adopter had a history of being abusive and the adoption would never have happened. They do take into account that not all exes will give a good reference.

They will also want to speak to his son about it all.

Original poster
Lifesforloving1 · 10/12/2020 15:52

@ifchocolatewerecelery
So what happens if 2 ex’s don’t get on ? That would just ruin changes for a the adopters ?
There must be something in place for that kind of situation ?

OP posts:
ifchocolatewerecelery · 10/12/2020 21:23

@Lifesforloving1 Social workers are aware that relationships don't always end well and take this into account. There are people out there who would take the opportunity to try and undermine and exes attempt to adopt and social workers should look at all the evidence including criminal records, references and questioning the ex. In theory it's hard to maintain a lie consistently under pressure. All that being said, I have seen people say that they did not complete the adoption process because of issues like this but these are statements made online by strangers and getting the full facts can be difficult. Simply getting to approval panel is a very stressful process and fighting obstacles like this can be draining.

Madwife123 · 11/12/2020 01:01

He has a child with his ex so they will want to discuss his parenting etc. I foster and they contacted the father of my eldest child and also a boyfriend that I had when I was just 17 (14 years ago!). The fact we lived together (aka I crashed at his mums house with him) meant they considered it a serious relationship. Luckily I have a good relationship with the father of my eldest and the boyfriend was baffled to be contacted but said only good things so it was fine. I can see how this could be very difficult for some however.

Original poster
Lifesforloving1 · 13/12/2020 16:10

@Madwife123
Thankyou for commenting ! My partners ex wouldn’t be a problem I don’t think ... there on good speaking terms for my step daughter . x

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