Adoption due to infertility

[Lola2244]

I found out i had a 0.1% of getting pregnant when I was 16 (I had been sexually actively for 2 years at this point) came to terms with it at 18 and accepted I will never be a mother , I’m now 20, my Bestfriend has a child and I’m lucky enough to be able to be around him. My mother suggested adoption , something I’ve always thought about but never looked into. I know the adoption process can take a long time, but I’m ready to welcome a child into my home. I’m financially, emotionally and physically stable, have a 3 bedroom home ( which only I live in) and a large heart that just wants a child to love.I’ve been around kids my whole life , I’m the oldest of 7, and spent most of my childhood looking after my brothers and sisters so the concept of kids isn’t new to me. I don’t know anything about adoption or the process and don’t want to rush into it without being prepared. As a person I’m patient , loving and just a caring person, and I would never have a problem with the child not being my birth child. Where do I start? Who do I talk to? Also do I have the option of age , gender , race? I feel horrible stating it like that , like theyre not human beings and just something you get in a shop, but I hope you understand what I mean. I am also single , do they let people become single adoptive parents? Thank you

Yes, single people can become adoptive parents. Yes, you can specify the needs in a child that you can meet, in terms of age, ethnicity, sex. But it's that way round- not you choosing, but reflecting on your strengths, and what needs you can meet.

But why the rush? If you're adopting, there's no biological clock. While there's an argument for adopting younger, in terms of energy etc, young is under 40 in adoption terms.

I mean this in the nicest way, but get a life. Get a life of your own, away from raising children, find out who you are, for at least 5-10 years. Then consider adoption. Would you like to find a partner?

@Lola2244

hello, I’m a single adopter, there are lots of us about !

I can’t tell you exactly how the assessment process work because I am ancient and adopted under the old system. But in brief there is a two part process involving lots of paperwork, references, medicals and an assessment with a Social worker, you go to approval panel, then look for a child and you go to matching panel.
Yes you do get to ‘choose’ the child you adopt but the more specific you are the longer you will wait.
Shop around a bit for an agency which are local authorities or voluntary agencies. Speak to a few and see who feels like a good fit for you.
Do I read correctly that you are 20?
You have to be 21 to adopt.
Legalities aside, and none of what follows is meant to be patronising. There are very few adopters in their 20s.
I would never advise anyone in their 20s to adopt, particularly a single person. Adoption can be very tough, most children have somelevel of additional need, some are very challenging. I was a pretty mature 20 year old but I could never have dealt with what I have over the last 8 years in my 20s.
As a single person you will sacrifice a lot. I was 47 when I adopted. Now I’m not at all suggesting you wait that long, but honestly my best advice to you is wait a few years.
If you’ve spent a huge part if your childhood looking after siblings, give yourself a break, enjoy being young, free and single. Raising an adopted child will be very different experience to your siblings and your best friends baby.
Adoption is the best thing I’ve ever done, its also the hardest thing I’ve ever done, at times it has come close to breaking me and my son is far from the most challenging adopted child I know.
Don’t rush into it. Research trauma, feotal alcohol syndrome, attachment disorders, ASD, ADHD, understand what you could be letting yourself in for, and come back to it in a few years.

You sound lovely, and have lots of qualities that will serve you well as an adoptive parent.

I’d echo previous posters though - give yourself time, time to live your own life, travel, study, work - whatever it is you’d like to do. All of those things will be much harder after adoption, get your career to a place where you’re secure and have build enough credibility/seniority that your workplace will be flexible with you when you need it (and have decent parental leave policies). Adoption is one of those things you need to utterly pragmatic about - so get yourself to a place where you can take time out of work without it setting you back.

Also, partner relationships are much more tricky once you have an adopted child - it’s not easy to meet someone and you need to be careful about introducing your child to someone who may not be there for the long term. Of course there are similar issues with birth children, but the complexities of adoption make it harder.

I respectfully wonder if you’ve had time for yourself - it sounds like you come from a busy household, and have worked to be secure in life. The broader your life experiences, the better a parent you’ll be - spend some time having fun, finding out what your passions are and indulging in them, adoption will be waiting for you when you’re ready.

You sound really nice OP and an older 20 than I was at 20 but I agree with others about spending more time just living, travelling, working. It sounds as though you might be good at working with young children, would you be interested in gaining a relevant qualification in relation to this sort of work?

As a single adopter at age47, is hard. As it seems I've
never been the chosen family over 2 parent adopters . It's stressful but you just need need to plod along and be ever hopefully c