Asian (Indian/Pakistani) adoption

[LAH77]

Hello,

My partner and I are in Stage 1, with our 3 day training taking place very soon. We're keen to get through the process as soon as possible.

We are Asian (Indian and Pakistani). During our pre stage 1 meeting with a SW we were told we would be matched with an Asian child. This would also be our preference to help the child fit into our social life and not feel like the odd one out.

What we're worried about is how many Asian children there are on Linkmaker? Are we in for a very long wait to be matched due to there being less Asian children to adopt?

Out of the thousands of questions circling in our minds constantly, this one sticks out.

Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

I dont have anything to advise so hopefully someone will be along soon.
I would be thinking along the same lines as you are. Have you tried to ask your SW about this? I would raise it with them and get some better understanding about waiting for an Asian child. Are you willing to take any other race/ethnicity? Sorry if that's too intrusive you certainly don't have to answer.

We are absolutely indifferent about race / ethnicity, however when we are with family or friends of the same background, which if very often, we want a child to feel like 'one of us'.

We asked the SW and she said didn't know. We asked could she give us an example of say how many Asian children were on Linkmaker at that point in time, she said it was irrelevant due to looking at it at one point in time when were months away from being approved. So we struggled to get an answer.

We know one other couple who have recently adopted, they have just been matched so we don't want to bother them with all of our questions at the moment.

Yes I completely understand this.
Hmmm I mean if this is your preference it doesn't mean you are closed off from anything else so maybe be offered a child which they think is a good match even though not Asian?
If that makes any sense.

Obviously that's not the answer you are after at the moment. I think other than waiting until you are approved then question realistic time scales not sure what else to recommend?
Hopefully someone has been in your position and can give you a solid answer.

In fairness to your SW the population of children awaiting placement changes all the time - it’s really luck of the draw whether children that meet your matching criteria are on the register at any point in time so knowing there were 70 Asian children on Linkmaker just now (for example) doesn’t have any bearing on what that might look like a year from now.

You could see if there are any stats on adoption by race or ethnicity which would give a clearer perspective because they are gathered over a period of time. I think the office of national statistics might be your friend there.

Yes I agree, very difficult for the SW to answer and I knew it was almost impossible to get an answer.

I guess what would be most useful is if there are any other Asian adopters on here who have some first hand experience.

The children available for adoption in an LA tend to reflect the general population of the LA. LAs with little diversity are likely to have fewer Asian children for adoption - and equally, likely to have fewer Asian potential adoptive parents.

But as jelly says, it changes all the time - and you only need to find the child that is the right match for you, they might be one in a hundred!

As a trans-racial adopter (I was living in South Africa at the time, the majority of children needing adoption are black/what was called 'coloured'), it is not quite as simple as being willing to 'take' any child. It adds an extra degree of complexity around identity, a lack of privacy about a child's origins (because they are obviously not your birth child etc). Not to say - at all - that it should never happen. But it does need a lot more thought and work.

Good luck, wherever your road takes you!

Like Allington I am a trans racial adopter. Its still quite rare and controversial in the UK. I'm not at all suggesting this is right but I don't think I have ever heard of a white child being adopted by a black or Asian family
My son is dual heritage, his SW told me it was only allowed because his birth mum is white so to that extent I reflect his racial identity. If his dad had been the white parent it wouldn't have happened.
It's very easy to say ethnicity doesn't matter but as Alington says its not as simple as that. And as you say you want a child who will fit in. A black or Asian child with two white parents, and vice versa, stands out, you have little ot no privacy about being adopters.
As a single adopter, any assumptions people make about his parentage are probably right, it's just I'm not the birth mum.
Its important that a child sees others who look like them. We live in a large,diverse city, we don't stand out.I wouldn't have adopted him if I lived in a predominantly white community.
There are many dual heritage children looking for families, I would think that group would open more opportunities for you
Good luck

I had the weird experience in the summer of someone assuming DD was my biological child waiting for a train and she was doing a dance routine, she is a talented dancer and very flexible and... we'll, let's just say I am not and leave it at that!

Bus driver gets out of his bus for a ciggie, watches for a minute or two, then says to me "she's really good, were you a dancer?"

I said that she didn't get it from my side of the family...

Oh, and DD was rather offended by his assumption! That's teenagers for you

As above- you don't need there to be lots of children on linkmaker that could be a match, you only need one (or sibs maybe)!

It's ok to want to reflect your child's ethnic origin. It's important.

My experience is that social workers care more about colour, than ethnicity. In that if you're white/brown etc, they care that you're broadly in the same category, rather than appreciating that actually, ethnicity is more nuanced than that. My children are the same colour as me, but different ethnicity, but I guess as they can "pass", social workers think it's not an issue? I suppose it comes down to philosophical and socialogical questions of what ethnicity really is.

Good luck! Your child/children are out there.

@percypetulant
Makes a good point. My son is white British/Black African
As a white person I was happy I could support that, I have travelled a lot in Africa and have some knowledge and experience of some African cultures.
I know next to nothing about Caribbean cultures- I expect most social workers just see 'black" but I would have less confident. Similarly with children of Asian background. I work with a lot Hindu,Sikh and Muslim people and so have a smarting of knowledge but not enough to support the needs of a child

www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk/health/social-care/adopted-and-looked-after-children/latest#by-ethnicity-over-time-number-of-looked-after-children-who-were-adopted

This page has some relevant statistics. It seems that while Asian children are less likely to be in care (comparing with representation in the general population) they are also less likely to be adopted, although it's unclear if this is because they're more likely to return to birth family or because they are left waiting? I know many local authorities are trying to recruit more BAME adopters because BAME children wait longer for a match, if the ideal is to be with a family who reflects their ethnicity. However, as people have already said BAME covers a wide variety of ethnicities! Another thing to consider is religious background. I don't know if this applies to you of course but it may be that this would take priority over perfectly matching ethnic backgrounds? Lots of factors to consider!

So, husband and I are currently on Linkmaker and there does seem to be a few children from an Asian (Pakistani/Indian) background. From what I’ve seen, most of the children seem to be quite young and Linkmaker is used to find the right cultural match. Of course, this can change all the time but I definitely wouldn’t let it worry you!

Thanks for the replies everyone. Really appreciate it.

@Lairyfights - that's really positive for us to hear! Cannot wait to get through to Stage 2.

We are also transracial adopters, though our two are from overseas. Our DC1 is white and our DC2 is the same nationality but mixed.
I gather there are many more Muslim children needing adoption than other Asian religions. There's a food blogger I follow who is Asian Muslim and an adopter. She's on Twitter as @misbimakes

@drspouse

We are also transracial adopters, though our two are from overseas. Our DC1 is white and our DC2 is the same nationality but mixed. I gather there are many more Muslim children needing adoption than other Asian religions. There's a food blogger I follow who is Asian Muslim and an adopter. She's on Twitter as *@misbimakes*

Thanks for the reply. Can you clarify why you gather there are more Muslim children needing adoption?

I will check out misbimakes.

I don't really know why there are more (there are more Muslims in the UK? They are more likely to be in poverty?) but I do remember reading it in an article about Hindu adopters struggling to be approved/find a match.

I’ve been on linkmaker a few months now and as others have said the children on there now are unlikely to be the exact same children there in 6 weeks time.

If a child’s religion is stated, Christian tends to be the most common followed by Muslim which reflects the UK religious makeup. Previous reports have shown that children from BAME backgrounds wait the longest in care, and in my experience a large proportion of the Muslim population are BAME so there’s also that factor?

At this stage, I’d recommend being open with your social worker about your matching preference and be prepared to go out of area during the family finding stage if there are no matches within the local authority

Hello @LAH77 I realise this is some time since you posted but I’m taking tentative steps into adoption in the UK however i’m sure that being Indian is going to hold us back in finding a match from the same background. Just wondered how you’d got on

Completely not accurate or official but we were on Linkmaker last year and there were quite a few profiles from children who were from or had one birth parent from a Pakistani/Indian heritage. I’ve also just met a couple who are from a Pakistani background at our monthly meet ups and they adopted a little one a few months ago who also had an Asian background. They were linked before they’d even gone to approval panel.

Again, this is all anecdotal so not official data or anything but I remember being in the early stages and just wanting any reassurance of stories as I could get my hands on! Hope this helps!

Great thank you @Noimaginationforaun I think from what I’ve read there are Pakistani kids looking for adopters but very few Indian (Hindu / Sikh / non Muslim kids). The adoption agency I spoke to said we had ‘no chance’ with our criteria. But I’m exploring all avenues so thank you

Two friends of mine, a gay couple have adopted 2 small mixed race boys. One Dad is White (and Jewish) and the other is mixed White British/Chinese. They definitely don’t look alike, but maybe being a gay couple means the rules are different?

@Gosports

no the ‘rules’ aren’t different for same sex couples.

To be honest, I’d go as far as to say there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to matching.
Family finding SWs are looking for the best match for the children they are trying to place with families.
Ethnicity is very important, but it is one factor. It maybe that the SW had been looking for a match for those boys for a long time - there is a trade off between time spent looking for the ideal ethnic match and the imperative not to keep children waiting too long, when other factors may be equally as important,
I’m sure my son’s SW would rather have placed him with a black family, The blunt fact is that no black family put themselves forward for him in 10 months of looking. At the age of 7 he was running out of time, it was me or a life spent in foster care.

Sorry, I knew rules wasn’t the right word to use, but I couldn’t think of another one. The adoption has worked out brilliantly so far for my friends - both adopted as babies (separate placements) and no real issues.