Sen biological child and adoption

[wrinkleyeyebags]

Hey there,

We have a young child with GDD, we have secured very good support provision for them. Does anyone have experience of adopting after having a child with learning difficulties?

We'd love to welcome a child in need of a home and family into ours, would we still be considered?

Yes, you would.

Our daughter has learning difficulties, autism and dyslexia, and was 9 when we welcomed our little boy, aged 3. However, her autism was not known about at the time. I doubt very much it would have affected anything. You just need to prove you can look after your existing child and a new one.

May I ask why you want to adopt, it's always good to talk about stuff here, but only share what you want to.

Good luck.

We are in the exact same position, 4 year old with GDD and autism, currently non verbal. We are desperate to begin the adoption process but things don’t feel settled enough yet with DS, I’d rather wait till he was at school and we had a better view of how things are going to be long term. I’m hoping SW will see our experiences with DS as a positive (though accept they may not!)

I am going to phrase this as tactfully as I can and certainly mean no offence. I think it depends why you wish to adopt. If you would rather adopt than have another birth child because GDD could have a genetic link I think this would count against you as adopted child could also have developmental disabilities or attachment issues that may not be identified at matching stage.

If you want to adopt for any other reason then your resilience and experience parenting a child with additional needs should be a strength 😊

You will obviously need to demonstrate you are capable of meeting both children’s needs but it certainly shouldn’t be a barrier.

Our son has very complex needs but we are also foster carers

@Italiangreyhound

A few reasons really, we don't feel as though our family is complete. We're experiencing difficulty having another child and are so aware that there are too many children that need a safe and supportive home where they'll be welcomed despite their troubles or issues they may need to work through.

I work in a healthcare environment where I look after children regularly, you have to give a bit of yourself to each of them. Show them some of the care that their parents would want to give them if they were able to stay with them during various procedures.

I've been exposed to many children where there have been safeguarding concerns so am not blinkered to horrific environments some have had to endure, physical impact of not being looked after in quite the right way through to varying levels and types of abuse.

Our child would love a sibling especially someone a little older to look up to, they also keep asking for a baby 😂 we've needed to access a lot of additional services to ensure they have all of the help needed to access a full education, support to help deal with sensory issues, speech, paediatricians.

We understand that things wouldn't be a walk in the park, that we'd encounter many obstacles and issues that will bend our mind but ultimately feel that we can offer the very best of ourselves to someone that needs it, we can accept them as they are, keep them safe, encourage interests, give our time and love them as if they were our own because they would be ours.

@SFCA We've had genetic tests and have been told that there is no identifiable cause at this time responsible for the GDD.

We wouldn't be adopting to avoid having another child with these issues. I do have mum guilt and wonder what I could have done differently if anything to prevent these issues, there'd probably be a degree of relief in caring for a child that had pre-existing conditions that I didn't give birth to. As I've said already though, we have been trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant even with the knowledge that there might be an unexplained genetic predisposition it's not a deterrent to us.

Our child is wonderful, sweet funny, ridiculous, even on the difficult days there is a lot of joy in our lives. We're not walking the same path as everyone else that's for sure but we are loving it none the less.

Sounds like you have some very sensible motives and thoughts, that is good.

Good luck

@wrinkleyeyebags in that case your parenting experience and dealing with all the professionals surrounding children with additional needs should put you in a great position to consider adoption 😊

Our lovely son was considered unadoptable due to his complex needs, he is the most amazing little boy. Parenting a child with additional needs is different but is definitely not any less wonderful. Our FS also has additional needs and it has worked so well having the same team around them.

You do sound like you've thought about this, you might want to prepare your DC for the fact that the new child will be a baby/toddler/preschooler (definitely not older) and will need a lot of care and attention!

Our child would love a sibling especially someone a little older to look up to,

One thing to think about is that you’d be unlikely to have a child placed with you that is older than your birth child because it interrupts birth order within the family and risks displacing your first born. That would still be the case if your birth child had no disabilities.

On a more practical level children who are placed for adoption at an older age tend to come with more complex issues and need a lot of care and support - if you’re already caring for one child with complex needs, an additional, older child may be a step too far whereas a younger child will grow with you and their needs will become known as they grow.