Adopting a baby - health risks

[UKABC]

Hi. We are considering adopting the baby sibling of our adopted children. He is 7 months old and if we were to adopt him the whole process should be finalised right before he turns 1 year. However, we are a bit concerned about his health and development and not sure if we should take the risk. We want to adopt the baby for obvious reasons, but we are concerned that he might have a severe disability that might impact our family and our existing adopted children. Our adopted children are young and healthy despite the family background, but we adopted them when they were slightly older - 2 and 3 so we had a better idea of their health and development.

Basically the biological mum has drank a lot throughout pregnancy and took some drugs. The baby was born prematurely and in the first few months it seemed that he was quite delayed. There were a lot of concerns by social services and the foster family regarding his health. However, over the past few months he has developed significantly, had some medical exams, and he seems to be fine. However, we are not sure if we should take the risk, given the initial concerns.

Has someone been in this position of adopting a baby with a family background of heavy drinking and some drugs, and how did you make the decision, or how has it turned out?

Thank you very much in advance for the advice and support. We really want to adopt the baby, but just don’t feel we could adopt a child that will not be able to be independent one day and will need support 24/7.

@UKABC Hi, has anyone discussed with you the risks of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder? I have a 9yo on the spectrum. Has the risk been highlighted in medical exams?

No advice but hand holding.

No real advice, it’s a tough decision.

We want to adopt the baby for obvious reasons

I did wonder about this though, when adding a child to your adopted family I’m not sure there are obvious reasons. You might want to adopt the birth sibling because they’re a blood relative of your children, because you always intended to have 3 children, because the opportunity arose when you didn’t think it would, because sw have suggested they might go into care otherwise etc etc. There’s no obvious reasons.

Even without the prospect of disability or health concerns I’d think carefully about adding another. A new addition can really destabilise what has been a settled home, which I’m sure you’ve considered but it can’t be said enough it’s not like adding a birth child.

In terms of uncertainty, that’s a given with babies, you can’t know the extent of birth mums drug or alcohol use or the impact that might have had, and meeting milestones at such a young age doesn’t mean there won’t be issues further along.

I’ve not made the decision to adopt, though birth mum did go on to have another. I’m very clear at this point, after 3 years that I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t risk disturbing the settled life we have at the moment for an unknown outcome.

My priority is the two children I have now, and I feel very protective of life as it is now, I wouldn’t introduce such a hugely unknown variable at this stage.

I adopted my youngest in similar circumstances she was placed in my care the day she was born. She was born addicted and had to go through withdrawal etc which was hell. Bm also drank throughout her pregnancy so I knew that FASD was/is a very real possibility.
How did I decide? Tbh it was a total heart over head decision, especially as my youngest son (by birth) was only just a year old.
My daughter is wonderful but she has a serious seizure disorder and developmental delays, due primarily to her exposure to drugs and alcohol in utero. However she displays none of the classic FASD facial features so doctors mostly believe it was primarily the drugs that were the cause. It is of course a guessing game in a large part and uncertainty is a big part of my life in relation to my daughter, who knows what will happen in the future.
Having said all that she is wonderful, strong, stubborn and just amazing, her siblings adore her and are fiercely protective.
I would say try to get as much information as you can and research FASD....but ultimately for me I went with my 'gut' feeling.

Thank you very much to all of you for your responses and for sharing your experiences. It’s a tough decision we need to make.

@UKABC The best resources I can point you to are NOFAS UK and the FASD Hub run in conjunction with Adoption UK.
If you have any question please, please ask. As I have said before I have a son on the spectrum who quite frankly is the most amazing boy!
Up to date research indicates that a significant number of children coming through the care system have been exposed to alcohol in utero.