Support network and panel

[Artimis]

We are moving through stage 2 towards panel, but our social worker has mentioned that they may challenge/question a bit around our support network.

We dont have a huge circle of friends, and those we see regularly live in the next town over, about 40mins away. We dont really know anyone where we live.

My sisters are 40mins away and parents are about 90mins away.

Does anyone have any similar experience , and if so how did you get on? I feel a bit worried that panel will have concerns that theres nobody just round the corner from us...

[Niffler75]

We had to think a little laterally as were in a similar situation. List people like GP, Health Visitor, future school/nursery, local play/ toddler groups.
Are you a member of Adoption UK. If so you can access local support and that should also be included. Your LA will have post adoption support, local meet ups with other families.
Show your flexibility and willingness to seek support. Many adopters, including ourselves often say that their support network looks completely different after adoption. We don't get much support from people we envisaged would help us and have had to virtually rebuild our network.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Totally agree with @Niffler75, think about your support in terms of professionals, people who can provide emotional support and folk who can provide practical support eg if you’re running late for school pick up is there someone who could help out (in my experience that tends to be school mums who I’ve met since placement. If there are gaps think of how you would fill them. For example my husband works close to the school and my job is incredibly flexible so between us we can cover nearly all the practical bits, kids home from school sick etc so we were able to evidence we had contingencies in place if need be so didn’t need practical support in that way. My sister lives an hour away but would drop everything if there was an emergency and the kids would happily stay with her, we also had a very reliable babysitter lined up if need be.

Be quite creative, you don’t need lots of people, just reliable people.

[Italiangreyhound]

I'd really try and make a few contacts locally too. You won't trust these people with your baby or child but you might try them to buy some milk or pip up a prescription for you if you are sick (or self isolating etc) and maybe once cafe's etc open you can go for a cuppa. It's all support.

[Artimis]

Thanks folks. I'd imagine that there'll be more "parent" friends in the future as we start to meet more people at school/nursery (assuming they're open )

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I think it would be helpful to have one or two local people you can list for the reasons above.
It just shows you could ask for the help if you needed it.

What about your neighbours? Any you could ask for milk in a crisis?

I always worry for the general parents on MN who say there is no one they could possibly ask to collect their child from school or whatever. With adoption it is important to be able to reach out where needed.

[Italiangreyhound]

Artimis (great name)

"Thanks folks. I'd imagine that there'll be more "parent" friends in the future as we start to meet more people at school/nursery (assuming they're open)"

There will be.

But don't wait to make friends locally if you can. Just look for opportunities, neighborhood watch, local residents associations, etc.

It is tough because one way to make friends is to volunteer but if you are just about to have kids your free time will not be free anymore! So I;d suggest you don't volunteer for anything yet! Once the kids are older then you may end up being on this or that PTA committee/Guides/Brownies/Scouts etc!

You can go along to local meetings of things (library association etc if you town of village has one) and don't need to do anything! They may be meeting on zoom too so there isn't necessarily a risk (although do risk evaluations on new things because these are difficult times we are living in !)

[Italiangreyhound]

Do you know your immediate neighbors?

Not all your support network will be people you would trust with your key, let alone your kids! Start small.

Agree with Sanders "With adoption it is important to be able to reach out where needed."

My kids are very food fussy and have a lot of ailments! The later is my birth child actually. She has a sore throat and needed a Covid test (thankfully negative) and the doctor said lemon and honey drink for sore throat. Before we got the negative test I realized I couldn't just go and buy a bag of lemon! I couldn't go to the shops etc. as had to self isolate.

I am part of a Christian group for mums and I just told people about the situation by email and asked if I was desperate could anyone get something for me. Straight away one of the busiest mums in the group replied she would be happy to get some things for me. And she did. Another mum also volunteered but we got the negative result before I needed to ask her.

The lemons were not essential. But the lemon and honey drink helped my dd so it was a wonderful gesture by this friend. And, of course, in asking for support I was showing I could be vulnerable and she was sweet and asked how things were etc. It all goes to show (in adoption setting) that you can get help in small ways.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/30/how-to-make-new-friends-adult-lonely-leap-of-faith