Need help with a angry 5 years old

[Clarabeau78]

Hi All.

I'm hoping for some advice from people who may have experienced this.
So my 5 year old is really angry currently, aggressive, he's sooo stubborn and always has to have the last word. Never listens to anything we say. He always has been stubborn and like most children has selective learning but he's only been like this the last month since starting school so I'm thinking this is related??
We have tried everything loosing priveliges, talking to him about emotions, having a bean bag thing to help anger, ignoring it, telling him off nothing is working at all 😢.
We have spoken to school they are really pleased with him he had a great first time report and seemed surprised at him as that not the boy they know.
He is always very apologetic afterwards which is a good sign. He always seems shocked that it's happening yet he's given plenty of warningscif he is going to loose something etc we don't just decide and that's it.
We follow through on all what we say so I'm really struggling with what to do next.
Any help would be greatly appreciated 😊

How long has he been with your family, OP?

What were the circumstances of his adoption?

"What were the circumstances of his adoption?" WHAT?! OP, don't answer this.

Is he masking at school? So letting it all out exhausted at home? Losing privileges could just make things worse. Have you sought post-adoption support, maybe a training course on aggression?

Have a look at Sarah Naish's William Wobbly book with him.

Sounds like he’s keeping it together at school but decompress once out of school. How long has he been with you?

In any event, I’d keep his world very small just now, school and home, give him space to really let off steam (park on the way home from school, running around the garden or whatever space you have), once home I’d keep a very regular routine - the less extra he needs to cope with the more stable he’ll be. Pleas don’t punish him, he’s not coping just now and needs lots of stability and lots of cuddles.

If you let us know how long he’s been with you there might be more specific advice.

I'd also suggest no homework- no biff chip and kipper, etc. Let him leave school at school.

A trampoline can help. Or just an hour watching TV having cuddles. As well as getting post-adoption support. How are school spending his PPP?

Sounds very like my 6 year old who also copes well at school but let's it all out at home. LO has no cause and effect thinking yet and is a million miles an hour.

Try to remember LO will be emotionally younger than chronological age, our 6 year old operates at roughly 3 year old level emotionally, a very smart, very articulate 3 year old which does make it frustrating at times but it helps me to understand that her tantrums are just huge big feelings that she can't make sense of yet.

We do lots of 'wondering' with her which is helping to give the tools and the language to deal with her emotion. Absolutely agree with keeping to routine and making everything as safe and predictable as you can. We've found this really important in the current climate. Things feel particularly scary just now for kids, school is different, activities are different so keeping home small and safe helps to feel secure.

Lots of fresh air and exercise helps our LOs to regulate and lots of 'time in' with us.

Agree with Jelly Sounds like he’s keeping it together at school but decompress once out of school.

He cannot control the anger (i guess) so sanctions won't work. I know that it's normal to think of them, I did, and do, but they don't really work. You need to help him explore the anger safely and deal with it.

Please contact post adoption support.

How long has he been with you?

Don't real too much detail on here about his background, my son was removed due to neglect, I don;t go into details here because most people here know what neglect looks like anyway.

you will cope and so will he but he needs help to process and sanctions won't do it. But again, normal to try and sometimes, if and when he can cope better, they do remind him if his anger leads to bad actions/violence/shouting etc.

100% agree no homework. Homework is bad for small kids and seems to do little to help academic study.

Hi All
Thanks for the replies 😊 he's been with us almost 3 years had a very good Foster placement.
I do think that it is school related will try all the above, unfortunately in our area we have been in a higher tier lockdown so not all open but did have a trampoline but put it away as have had bad weather lol.
He doesn't have homework really and school are very open with his pp too.
Thanks again

Good to hear. You can get a small indoor trampoline, like the exercises ones.

My son is 10, has been with us since 3 and expresses a fair amount of anger. We are working on it.

Theraplay ( a specific kind of play therapy) did help a lot and was provided by post adoption support. Don't let them fob you off, yes lockdown is tough etc but will end and you deserve some support for your little lad.

Mine used to have a melt down as we left school, every day. He is much better now.

you sound fab by the way. XX