Life story book

[CocoLoco87]

Not sure how to approach this one with SW or even if I should approach it at all... I know there are more important things to worry about, etc.

We received DD's life story book last week and I'm so disappointed. It's been done in a display folder (?) so we can just take the pages out of the pockets. There are numerous inaccuracies in it, the term 'tummy mummy' is used over and over again, which I find really twee. I prefer birth mummy/birth mum. A lot of the language is very patronising and babyish. It starts where her life is now, then goes back in time and then jumps back to now at the end. It's just quite confusing.

We could take out the pages and re-do it... but keep the originals too. The person who did the 'book' has never met us or DD. It feels like theyve tried very hard to make it personal but they have really missed the mark. They've got her Foster carers' name wrong throughout it too. Think calling her Diana instead of Diane, but it really irks me!

I had really hoped the book would be special for her.

How did you feel about the life story books for your children? Were they folders or proper picture books? The examples we had seen from another agency were picture books and were done beautifully. I think that's why I'm surprised at the one we were sent.

CocoLoco87 I am sorry it is so dissapointing.

"Not sure how to approach this one with SW or even if I should approach it at all." It depends if you think there are other photos and other info you want and need. If not, I am not sure I would bother to ask for further help.

"We could take out the pages and re-do it... but keep the originals too." Yes, do that. Keep everything.

"It's been done in a display folder (?) so we can just take the pages out of the pockets." I think this is a good thing. You can keep the photos and re-word the text and then use the same format or re-make in a different format.

"There are numerous inaccuracies in it" If you know what is incorrect, I would correct it and keep all the original copies as well.

"The term 'tummy mummy' is used over and over again, which I find really twee. I prefer birth mummy/birth mum. A lot of the language is very patronising and babyish." Re-write using language that feels more natural to you.

"It starts where her life is now, then goes back in time and then jumps back to now at the end. " That is how our life story book is set out it. I think it is quite a good way to tell the story. To begin where he or she is now.

"I had really hoped the book would be special for her." Presumably, it may well be, it's only you at this stage who is unhappy with it. Of course, getting names wrong is very unprofessional but as there is so much to change I would do it yourself.

"How did you feel about the life story books for your children? Were they folders or proper picture books?"

I loved ours for our son. It was a kind of photo album style but very nicely done.

Try not to worry, keep a memory box with things he or she came with, make a note of what is important and where it comes from (as far as you know) and also keep memorabilia from life as it goes on.

It is common practice to start with who the child is now and then jump back like you describe as it's supposed to help the child work it out. It's also supposed to be written in an age appropriate way hence phrases like 'tummy mummy' and the patronising feel. Having it written in a folder like you describe makes it easier to add additional information later on.

All that aside, I dislike the one are AD was given. It's too wordy for a young child and will be out of date by the time she's old enough to cope with it. I made a simplified version and had it printed as a photobook. My current problem with that is that birth mum has had another child which she has been able to keep and I have 2 choices on how to include this sibling. I can either hand write it in our pay to get the whole book reprinted. I strongly suspect that birth mum will go on to have more children as she is only young and I don't really want to reprint it on a regular basis, if I'd done it as a loose leaf folder it would've been much easier.

You should definitely challenge any inaccuracies though as it might not be the life story that's wrong but something else you've been told earlier in the process.

For me personally we had a lovely life story book that was laid out in a wonderful book. Colourful and child friendly. We did have a disagreement about the build up to the life story book because we were referred to as a ‘growing up family’. Almost like we were a temporary family. The photos that are in it are a bit of a kick in the teeth. Birth parents have lovely photos of them and LO but our photos of us and LO are appalling. Slap dash and taken by a SW without us knowing. One of the photos, I was cleaning! I really wanted to complain about this but I just reminded myself that we have hundreds of lovely photos of us all already so a couple of rubbish ones I can cope with.
The person who did ours had never met us either. They asked us for so much information and none of it was used. They spelt people’s names wrong even though I had written it down for them.

I really loved that they didn’t use birth mum or tummy mummy and they referred to her by name only which I like.

I would definitely suggest that if it bothers you then do ask to get it changed or do change it yourself. There’s nothing wrong with either option.

We haven't received ours yet, but have been told that it will be folder too. Apparently they can't make proper books because of confidentiality-all details and photos would have to be sent to an external company , which is obviously risky.

I would see it as a starting point. We got powerpoint presentations which were utterly useless (wrong first names!). I used some of the pictures, but rewrote the whole thing. That is fairly common.

The thing is sw know much more about the child's life with their birth family than they know of the child's life with you. They are safe with you and so they don't need to dig deep. They are also not designers or writers, they see themselves (rightly so) as people who safe children. That leads to disappointment when it comes to life story books.

Have a look at Joy Rees "Life Story books for Adopted Children". It is very short and accessible and explains well how a life story book should be written. There are sample texts in there too.

The order your sw chose is correct. If your child is young, the information should be very simple and basic. Many people chose folders because they can be adjusted and added to. I made a simple photo book with text for them and put tons of stickers in there, the second (final) one are hardbacks which look really cool (Mixbook designs). My children are very proud of them.

I think it is important to keep in mind that they are LIFE STORY books. So they should not just be about the gruesome bits and make their lives seem horrible. They should explain those bits but be embedded in the story of a safe happy life and make them feel special and good about themselves.

@PaintedLadyWBB can you ask for an electronic version so you can change the photos?

[quote ifchocolatewerecelery]@PaintedLadyWBB can you ask for an electronic version so you can change the photos? [/quote]
I never thought about it tbh. There is a couple of empty pages which I am going to add to about when LO moved in and the first couple of weeks etc with some proper photos 🤦‍♀️

Ours was absolutely shite. Completely unuseable and extremely late. We’re going to do our own.